Blood Oath

I’m the catalyst of chaos

I’ve passed the edge of reason

and have my monster rolling

from dusk til dawn and back again

for I have banished sleep

there’s no place to lay my head

and no comfort in my bed

I have a system wide vexation

between them winding sheets

I’m the prince of petty tyrants

the harbinger of death

I shall not be dissuaded

I swore upon my dagger

that I’d have my pound of flesh

I vow upon my blood

and vouch it with my life

my mind is firmly set

and I cannot let it rest

I’m the locus of despite

the calculus of treason

I have laid my bloody plans

and keep my killing stones

sharpened and in reach

there’s nothing you can do

to escape your sorry fate

I’m going to get to you

no matter what it takes

I’m the demon in your nightmare

the villain of the piece

I already dug our graves

for I made a bloody pact

and cannot be released

and when this war is over

I still shall not know peace

I’m hostage to my savagery

and a servant of the beast

Mayans

it was the edge of science

on the boundary of belief

the sky was inky starless

but we were aqua marine

and folded in our sleeves

where we shielded our eyes

from the mystery

of an unscheduled eclipse

I seen moon men

sliding down the walls

the carnival of chaos

pervades my waking dreams

I’m sick, real sick

fetch me a doctor

the world of playground killers

and routine atrocity

has gotten me down

all I want is to feel a little better

but what’s the point?

it’s the slow pressure that kills a man

the acceptance of futility

when he stops fighting

he starts dying

when he starts dying

he forgets how to live

Jesus weeps

time runs out

entropy wins at a crawl

the dying days of planet Earth

the doomsday curse

a million extinct Mayans

can’t all be wrong

Power

she said the right things
she wore the right clothes
took the right drugs
read the right books
and listened to the right music
but she wasn’t right for me
there was something about her
that made me feel uneasy
she was too eager to please
her every action was
designed to gratify my needs
you’d think I’d enjoy that
but you’d be wrong
I felt caged by her love
I had all the power
and it proved a burden
.
we had a friendship
that caught fire
it was a matter of time
before we got burned
the love we shared
had a gravity of its own
it began to drag us down
it had to end somewhere
and it ended badly
one rainy night
it simply dissolved
she said she hated me
I didn’t doubt that
she wore her love
like and open wound
it was bound to leave a scar
.

The Ninth Life

on the journey back

from the crematorium

silent and heavy hearted

I saw a dead cat in the road

its ninth life had been dashed

on the black tar macadam

it looked like it was sleeping

but I knew that it was broken

and was never going home

they say cats have nine lives

while men have only one

yet a man can die

a thousand deaths

before his days are done

.

Wonders

my grandfather

that beautiful old man

shared such treasures with me

tales of adventure and discovery

in distant dark continents

and the cycle of the seasons

in the land we called home

he named the constellations

and revealed the golden ratio

at the heart of nature’s symmetry

he always maintained

that the universe was made

of those little treasures

he passed along to me

and that knowledge is a jewel

to be prized beyond riches

he was not a wealthy man

some might call him poor

but when he left this world

he had bequeathed me wonders

Once Bitten

we were enslaved

by your petty regulations

once bitten

twice shy

was a callous methodology

simply operant conditioning

with a practised brutal flourish

spare the rod and spoil the brat

was the dullard ideology

visited on your youth and mine

I saw the dust behind your eyes

you were old beyond your years

something inside you

had already died

every mother’s child

has a thousand teachers

and I was an early receiver

of your twisted ideation

tuned to your negative acuity

I learned to tread lightly

whenever you were around

Dew Drops

she went about her business

with kindness and good grace

and where she trod

little miracles sparkled

as morning dew drops

reflecting the dawning sun

like tiny prisms

diffracting and recombining

into a million rainbows

which lit the hearts

of whoever fell within

the spectrum of her love

everyone who loved her

carries that light still

.

Orpheus

you are not Orpheus

you can save no-one

you are not Christ

you shall not rise again

everybody dies

there are no exceptions

you can’t cheat death

we must live with that

once you’re gone

you can’t come back

it’s a law of nature

you can’t fight it

loss is the price we pay

for the love we share

everybody dies

and that knowledge

costs us dear

* image: Hades and Persephone listen to Orpheus’ song in the Underworld.

5132: H. Bissen, 1798 – 1868.

Machiavellian

it’s the strangers you know

that generate the most heat

those that have your confidence

are the most likely to betray you

you held my gaze a little too long

I suspect you’ve made a bad call

the arsehole of humanity

is a regular garden of eden

for the hungry devotees

of the cockroach god

go give your face a wash

you have blood on your chin

rearrange your killing stones

we’re in for heavy weather

you pledged your solidarity

with a murderous mechanism

you tried to steal my name

so you could write it in the gutter

.

Ocean Child

ocean child

hear my voice

dry your tears

you have no choice

you’re still alive

you should rejoice

reach for me

it is allowed

don’t be afraid

to show me how

for I am here

at least for now

Egg N Chips

we had egg and chips

and we were grateful

the children in Africa

had nothing at all

we dragged the low end

because we were brassic

when your stomach is empty

it’s hard to stand tall

the times sure were tough

but the people were tougher

when troubles are shared

they can suddenly seem small

Necropolis

I hate the grim necropolis

that has claimed your bones

there’s nothing here but charnel

and the memories of ghosts

I cannot leave you here

cold and all alone

so meet me in the morning

when the sunlight splits the sky

and we shall dance

in pastures green

like a pair of butterflies

.

Mob

they’re out to get me

the gossip mongers

and their lynching crew

I killed two birds

with only one stone

they called me sorcerer

I said I was just lucky

they said I was too lucky

and pointed to my women

they said I’d cast a spell

to bind them to me

and that I was father

to every bastard child

in their bastard town

I said I wished I was

for then I’d have an army

to always stand right by me

because I could not deny

my own flesh and blood

and they would know

their father’s love

instead of the hatred

of the rumour peddlers

and the vicious mob

.

A Thousand Suns

back in the day

we had idiot sanctuaries

moored offshore

on the emerald ocean

where fat cats

would call the shots

for the man

who called the shots

before the last nations fell

the top banana

sat on a gilded throne

while continental flunkies

manned his 24 hour hotline

he had a legal mandate

to commit the perfect crime

no-one ever saw him coming

but everybody knew

from his bloody footprints

exactly where he had been

he was the master of ceremonies

for the great false dawn

they say that it shone brighter

than a thousand suns

.

Dandelion

she always returned affection

she said she felt obliged

I told her she was easy

and she did not reply

.

Vampires

there’s a niche

for every parasite

within the human zoo

where there’s pain

there is also gain

in a bitter economy

where one man’s sorrow

might be the cause

of another’s rejoicing

.

Inca

don’t tell me

how bad it is

I already know

it’s suicide season

and I’m all out of bullets

but geared up for excess

bicarbonate of coca

the ancient inca curse

smother me with candy kisses

take this poor boy home

it’s the last big deal

coughing up rocks

and surfing on air

but it’s all good

at twice the price

they’re shanking junkies

down in the park

bloody lubricant

for a vicious mechanism

those black market forces

can be so exacting

but my hands are clean

I’m just a punter

looking for fun

.

Poppies

all the pretty soldiers

got their death heads on

it’s a morbid culture

where we sanctify sacrifice

but sponsor its betrayal

we murdered the enemy

we were only following orders

not that much has changed

it’s a different religion

but the same old excuses

we gather poppies in peacetime

to decorate the graves

of those whose lives we’ve stolen

but no-one can explain to us

just why they had to die

Swill

there is a stick
in my swill
stirring up the shit
that colours me sick

my wiring is damp
and keeps shorting out
with a cognitive stutter
and laxative slump

a tsunami of sewage
is drawing me under
with the sickly momentum
of a deep overdose

I’ve dipped my fingers
into that maelstrom
and smeared that shit
on my winding sheets
.

The End Of The World (Part Three)

Carlos and me

were getting high

and talking about

the end of the world

he was heading for the beach

presumably to swim away

I planned on getting drunk

and staying that way

until it all burned down

I had just thrown my funeral

while I still had the time

but nobody showed up

I guess they had their own

funerals in mind

there was a lot of it about

the world was duly penitent

but it was a little overdue

we tried to make our peace with that

but there was no peace to be found

.

The Prodigal Son

you should never have returned

there is nothing for you here

this is a land of ghosts

where people come

to bury their dreams

under layers of denial

and silent despair

.

Biblioclast

I was in the building

when the auditors arrived

year zero

lights out

advanced decay

the news was grim

no-one survived

all reader enquiries

were stuffed into body bags

and buried in the basement

with the unclassified documents

I swabbed the whole apparatus

with anti-static juice

but the questions

just kept rolling in

they were arriving

on the October timetable

though this was early June

I tried to make up the distance

before my arrest

closed me down

then they decided

that to save the library

they had to burn all the books

it smelled of hopelessness

and it smelled of betrayal

it smelled of Auschwitz

and it smelled of fear

.

Animus

there may have been

some reason

for my wild elation

I think I had forgotten

to take my medication

I simply don’t remember

I try not to forget

but if there’s method

to my mania

I haven’t found it yet

and I was high

so very high

on the night we met

you made it easy for me

to cross the killing floor

you told me with some certainty

that we had met before

we coupled in a frenzy

we had a physical rapport

and shared the kind of passion

that left me wanting more

but your words were less than kind

and cut me to the core

you said you’d had enough of me

and showed me to the door

.

Sauce

poor boy is on the sauce again

but he shall fear no evil

coz he’s the coolest pilgrim

who ever took this ride

he rarely does the verbal shit

but when he sometimes does

it floats as sweet and delicate

as manna from above

he never has a point to make

and nothing to defend

poor boy doesn’t give a shit

he’s everybody’s friend

.

World On Fire

we set the fire

and shall harvest the ashes

out in the yard

they are flogging dead horses

swearing death oaths

and burying hope

they bury it deep

and stamp the dirt down

there’s scant hope of resurrection

into a world of carbon

further down the road

where the sun don’t shine no more

the names of our children

are scratched on stones

and the ghost machines are grinding out

obituaries no one shall ever read

.

Shoved

in the bitter end

she simply shot on through

with the benefit of hindsight

it was the obvious move

her life was a burning building

she had nowhere left to turn

the papers said she jumped

but I say she was shoved

.

The Great Worm

I’ve been cutting about
with the sharpest metaphoricals
and audaciously deployed similes
which drip from my tongue
as cool as porcelain
and clear as glass
I’m unfettered by traditional gravity
some think I’ve caught religion
but that’s the death of imagination
and the refuge of villains and fools
I shall not be seeking absolution
the great worm does not absolve
it renders men to meat
and then picks their bones clean
regardless of their beliefs
I’m already consigned to the power
that wields the bloody fangs
that tear the life from flesh
but until that final butchery
I’ll live as a free man
standing on my own two feet
and not a fucking slave
on my bended knees
.

Islands

I was never sectioned. I went in voluntarily. Still, getting in was easier than getting out again. I had to play a game of incremental improvement - softly, softly catchee monkey. I spent a month in that shithole, pretending to get well. I never felt so isolated in my life. The wards of that crumbling old hospital were named after Scottish islands. That seemed appropriate, because the people in there were islands too.

Moonbeams

did you hear the moonbeams sing?

it was a low, soft, shimmering song

the silver filaments of night

coated the earth in honeydew

and the moon sighed

as she revealed

the secret feast nocturnal

and you and I 

replete in our birthday suits

shivered in the cool air

cascading droplets

from our midnight swim

and the unspoken promises

of all the lovers

in all the world

never touched our lips

Incremental

the coroner     ruled it misadventure      an accidental overdose     of pills and booze     but I knew better     this was the final act     of an incremental suicide       he’d been reaching for oblivion     for most of his adult life      too much was never enough     to feed the tyrant       that reigned as sovereign      over some secret portion     of a heavy heart     but who could name that beast       or explain its design       for here was a lonely man      who was never alone     who was well loved         and loved well in return

Over Easy

Tea Bag and Leaky Dave

made lunatic enquiries

from the edge

of the frying pan

and you can get singed

at the edge

of the frying pan

but what do poor boys do

when their alternatives

have shrunk?

some said it was a compact

others said that

they were drunk

and everybody wondered

were they pushed

until they jumped?

Crumbs

these here

are just crumbs

I keep the cookies stashed

back at the gallows tree

I sneaked a peek

in your pyjama case

I see that you’re a stayer

but I’m about to leave

my bus is late

that’s not news

I forked out for a ticket

that may not be of use

I’ve grown used to delays

this entire route

is littered with no returns

stranded in transit stops

I’ve seen all I’ve seen

an eternity on the omni

takes a moment to discover

but a lifetime to express

Circumstances

I’ll admit I wasn’t too phased by what happened to Doc. I might even have profited by it. Anyway, what’s another dead junkie in the scheme of things? Buddha, however, took it bad. It turns out he and Doc were close back in the day.

“They slaughtered him like a pig Johnny. What was the point in that?”

“Finney says he’s cleaning up the neighbourhood, that junk is a scourge.”

“The real scourge is folk like you and Finney. It’s men like you who make the schemes hell to live in.”

“C’mon Buddha – I’m just a businessman making a living. If I wasn’t selling the dope, some other cunt would.”

“Does that salve yer conscience Johnny? The old supply and demand argument. The fact is that it isn’t someone else – it’s you. It’s your karma Johnny and no-one else’s.”

“It’s a dog eat dog world Buddha. I didn’t make the rules”

“All dogs say that Johnny. You didn’t make the rules, but ye enforce them.”

I didn’t like the way this was going. Did Buddha just call me a dog? Cheeky cunt was getting overly familiar. What was his problem anyway – I didn’t stab Doc – Finney did. I was bristling and groping for a reply.

“But it’s human nature Buddha – we’re a greedy lot.”

“Dinnae gimme yer Social Darwinism, or that Libertarian crap. That’s the philosophical equivalent of a bag full of feral cats. There’s your basic misconception about human beings. We’re not successful because we’re competitive. We’re successful because we are co-operative. It’s not the survival of the fittest, or the fastest, or the smartest. It’s the most adaptable who survive. Those who can change with circumstances. I’m a stubborn cunt though Johnny, you have to prove to me that there are genuine circumstances to change with. I’ve been around and I’ve seen loads of fake circumstances. A man would be a fool tae adapt to those. What about you Johnny – dae you see any change in circumstances approaching?”

Buddha had lost me again. He was driving at something. I didn’t quite get what it was, but I had a feeling I didn’t like it. I tried to change the subject away from me and my circumstances.

“You know that I tried to score fae Doc back in the day. Aye, he said he’d tell my mother if he ever caught me anywhere near junk. I shat it. Never tried tae score in the scheme again.”

“He was a good sort was Doc. He put me up when I got out of the looney bin.”

“You were in the looney bin?”

“Briefly”

“How come.”

“A wee misunderstanding about the nature of reality.”

“You got it sorted then?”

“No, ye cannae tell anybody anything. No-one listens. I keep that shit to myself now.”

“Dae ye?”

“You’re no listening.”

“I might be.”

“I doubt it.”

There was an embarrassed silence. Just for a moment. I suddenly realised that the Buddha was angry. I’d never seen him angry before. He was angry with me, but I couldn’t work out why.

“He was a Christian ye know.”

“Doc? Was he?”

“Aye.”

“Well, we are all Christians more or less.”

“No, we aren’t. Doc was the only man I ever met who’d turn the other cheek, or give ye the shirt off his back. He was a real Christian – not more or less.”

“Aye, well if he had the love of Jesus – why did he need junk?”

“Human frailty. I said he was a Christian. I didnae say he was perfect.”

“I didn’t know the man. We moved in different circles.”

“That’s where yer wrong. You move in the same circles, but you dae it in a Mercedes.”

“Is there something on yer mind Buddha? Something ye want to say?”

“I’m saying it.”

“Well you’ll have tae speak up – cause I cannae hear ye.”

“I’m saying that if karma dealt such a blow tae a man like Doc – what’s in store for you Johnny?”

“Let me worry about that Buddha – I can take care of myself.”

“Can ye?”

“What’s it tae you?”

“I’m yer friend Johnny – probably the only real friend ye have.”

“I have friends – lots of friends.”

“Will they tell you when you are wrong?”

“Of course they will.”

“Then let me tell ye – you are wrong Johnny. You are all wrong.”

I’d had enough of that auld bastard moralising. He’d made a comfy living off the dope. He’d set himself up for life. Now he was straight he presumed to tell me how I should live mine. I stormed out of his flat without a bye or leave. I don’t take that shit from no cunt. I have friends – real friends. They don’t lay that shit at my door. They know better.

I was getting into the car, my Mercedes, when I noticed a sign outside the Episcopal Church opposite. It read: “For what shall it profit a man, if he gain the whole world, and suffer the loss of his soul?” There are fucking Christians every fucking where these days.

Donut

for a while there

Donut had the key

to his knackers

but it was all display

Blondie was a closet case

who hid his true vocation

behind a heterosexual smoke screen

but it was a thin veneer

which fooled no-one but Donut

she was a grade A junkie

who professed a grade B love

for her young suitor

her man Donny found out

but he was supposed to

he reckoned he was

going to get basic

on Blondie’s arse

and I could understand his feelings

but I told him the road to Blondie

ran through me, so he backed off

I liked the man

he was a decent sort

who carried his own burdens

like a man

not all junkies are thieves

most are just ordinary people

with monkeys to feed

anyway, Donut heard about

my conversation with Donny

and immediately switched tack

I was round there one day

looking for a little hash

and she was crying about Blondie

who’d been giving her space recently

I put my arm around her, as you do

when Donny returned

and she pushed me away saying:

“No Johnny, I won’t fuck you!”

I was amazed, then amused

you see, it was all about Donny

it was all about power

Donny was giving me the hard look

which made things even more amusing

from my perspective

I left with peals of laughter trailing

but I did not return

for the matinee performance