revolver

 

there are wrongs that cannot be buried      and there are wounds that never heal      but don’t talk to me about justice    I can’t afford justice        justice is for the rich and powerful     not for the likes of you and me      our world is an abattoir     where we fight for survival    but you can give yourself an edge     your mind is a weapon      you must use it as such     or have it used against you     

notions of justice are arbitrary        they say god is our final judge     well, god must be turning in his grave      after serial abominations       and depraved criminal conspiracies      someone murdered innocence      but they can’t pin that on me

the faithful count their burdens    and pray for forbearance       and that’s alright      I too have burdens     but I’m just a thief     so I’ll take my chances outside the law      where a man can carve his own justice     I can fend for myself     I’ve often had to      this weapon is loaded      it’s got to be loaded         or it’s no damn use to me

 

immortality

 

I don’t know why I write     or who I’m writing for   but I’m hoping for a breakthrough     before the vicissitudes of age grind me into dust      I regard old age with a shudder        I won’t be an old man     too weak to hold myself together      drooling down my chin    and   shitting in my pants      I’ll check myself out     before it ever comes to that

I never rejected the possibility of an afterlife       I intend to fight my way to immortality      but there are three major obstacles     fear     power      and time    and I’m running out of time      every man carries his own death with him       a natural man confronts that fact at all times      but he fights to be immortal       even as the universe conspires against him    

debauched

 

when I was a young man sex, drugs and alcohol seemed the only adventures available to me    so I played the covert Casanova using my seductive wit and charm to evade detection and responsibility    I felt I’d found the secret of happiness when I scored portable ecstasies for body, mind and soul    I reveled in the sensation of being alive and lifting the veil on carnal delights   

however, a lifetime of excess leaves its mark on a man      I was rotting away inside     but I was in good company      I was never alone in my debauchery      there was no shortage of willing accomplices     but they dried up       or died off    as I got older       those days are past now   I no longer indulge in drunken thrills     I’m too old to cavort with boys and girls       passions wane and memories blur    for the sole survivor of a fallen world

singular

 

I’ve become an individual      it was quite accidental      a gradual erosion of my social organs      saw me cut off from the herd       but I don’t seem to mind      I like my own company       I like to get things done    I’m not a total misanthrope       it’s nice to be liked       but it isn’t essential      I don’t care if someone hates me      if there’s nothing they can do about it      the world can go to hell      if I can have my way       I have made myself grotesque     to become an individual      I’m the weirdo down the road      I’m the dissident cliché 

naturally

I don’t believe in injustice       I don’t believe in tragedy       I tried to bleed out once         it simply doesn’t work for me        I figure I made my bed      I may as well lay in it       coz at times I was selfish      but I was never deliberately cruel      I can live with that      coz I’m the one who makes the rules    I got my own way of living       and my own identity       I gave birth to myself      and I did it naturally 

where’s my head at?

 

another nothing day       best get my prescription filled      every now and then I get the urge       to fall off the wagon           some will say I jumped         I’ll maintain I was  pushed       so don’t touch me  now      I don’t know where I’ve been      I’m just flirting with reality      living the fucking dream

where’s my head at?      do I even care?      maybe if I strangle every impulse     remain impossibly still     it’ll come to me     eventually     solid state delivery    meaning in the here and now       I could be the prototype of the brand new being     I could grow myself a soul  

in low places

 

some things just are       the duality of nature      human nature     godly nature       all that is light and dark         love and hate       life and death       juxtaposed in fungal shades of rot and decay    the significance of all that escapes me now      something’s changed     I don’t know how      but I’m not the man I used to be

I’m crashing out here      so pick me up on your way down      I intend to get my money’s worth      though I don’t possess a dime      I’m only talking trash       coz I’ve had a few        I have high friends in low places       and I know where I am      I’m exactly nowhere      it’s difficult now     but I’ll make it somehow      though I’ll never taste innocence again

mythology

 

you got your story       and I have mine     people have their plans      one vile task after another       but don’t trust me      my pants are on fire       you may seek a meaning     I couldn’t possibly comment      I’m just happy to be here       alive and in the moment      truth means nothing to me     I’ve seen it all before    I got the slow burn rapture       I’m happy all the time      don’t get me wrong       my darkness serves a purpose      redemption through chaos      that there is the basis of my mythology

catastrophic

 

I don’t think I’m dishonest      I only told one lie    I told it with conviction    I told it many times    they tell me I was wicked       for doing as I liked    but everything is permissible       if  you’re prepared to pay the price

all things are basically cool      until of course they’re not      I sometimes had to detonate my nuclear device      the power that moves my heart      is pounding out new stars      my love is catastrophic     it could tear the world apart

everything I did      I did in the name of love     I would not go without      I was an emotional junkie whore     with a gaping hole     at the centre of my soul     all my days I hungered      afraid to be alone     I wasn’t the only one     I had accomplices      but I’m the one they fingered     the one who took the blame

wonderful

 

the people I have known    the places I have been    I’d bring them all back tomorrow     to do it all again    I’d gorge myself on life     without the burden of shame     the sex     the drugs    the rock n roll      I’d grasp without restraint    because the first time was a trip    and it was wonderful      so given the opportunity     I’d relive it all once more    

deep and wide

 

see them circle?       they scent blood     people are like sharks       some more than others      those are the ravenous souls      always on the prowl       reflexive killers     without a trace of conscience        and just like fucking sharks     if they stop moving – they suffocate   

you need some gimmick    if you want to eat       four walls and a TV    to keep you off the street    you need a home      you need a wife      you need the things that make a life    but this can prove a burden      things can drag you down      other men have found this      some of them have drowned

perhaps the sharks feasted      on those forgotten heroes     but I’m not here for souvenirs     so I’ll kick on regardless     cold blooded killers     make unpredictable companions     the ocean here is deep and wide      its denizens are fearless     so I learned to dart and weave and dive     I glide just like a dolphin    that’s how I managed to remain alive      where better men have fallen

 

author, author

 

I don’t just do this for fun     I do it because I ran out of options     I know I don’t write that well       but I’m ready to bleed across your screen     or pull my knickers down     expose my arse to the world    I’m speaking metaphorically     of course      coz I’m taking a hit - that feels just like a kiss…    when I wrote that down    I felt a little high      I don’t know what you’d call that    and I don’t really care       there’s nothing written here        that can’t later be denied

fools

 

you get born    you go to school     you get a job    they give you a number    you become a player in the adult word     well, that’s what they expect       but I don’t want to be a player       in this crazy fucked up world     where the wealthy engineer consensus     to keep us in our place   

they say you can’t  buck the system     that there is no other way      you must labour all your life     until one day you die     your reward is pending    in the afterlife    but I reclaimed my mind      I’m breaking all their rules    I won’t obey a system      that treats us like bloody fools

thief

 

I was always a blunt instrument     but I’ve been honed to perfection     I couldn’t be more me if I tried    I know who I am    and I know what I like    I love the light because I’m alive      but I love the dark  because I’m a thief      

I’ve been many things      to many people      but I’ve always been true to myself       I’ve stolen from giants      I’ve stolen from paupers      I’ve stolen from every creature that walked or crawled beneath the sun      but I never robbed anyone who didn’t ask for it    

truthfully  I was never one for deceptions       I’m honest enough with myself      it’s true I may have fabricated some facts  to fit the situation    I forged my own credentials    because I  travelled  incognito      above and beyond the law

 

food for thought

 

they say god has no religion

so, he does not pray

you see, faith is a killer

take that away and…

hell no, that’s not for me

I have a light burning inside

chalk it up to ignorance

or perhaps self-deception

but I’m not alone

while my candle is lit

going down it’s hard as hell

coming up  …it’s sudden vertigo

and you?       do you still have empathy?

lord, save our souls

we’re going down

into the ground

protect us from doubt

leave us numb

no room to maneuver

no food for thought

dial my number

 

I got a telephone in my bosom      so I can call you from my heart       let me tell you about my freedom        coz it matters that much to me        and why don’t you take a look at yourself?      take a good look at yourself     is this the way you wanted it to be?      if I called collect    would you answer me then?    or if you chose to dial my number?     could it matter much to me?

flags

 

if this life had any meaning     we’d be the last to know     we’re spoon-fed on slurry culture      waving banners       and burning crosses      them outside      they’re not like us       we got the understanding      them outside ain’t got no culture      coz without a flag a man is nothing       without a flag he has no home

your truth

this is not my first lynch mob    I’ve been tarred and feathered before    victim of that parochial mediocrity that says    you are different    so you must be bad    and if you are bad    then we must be good     well   I don’t pretend to be good     no-one would believe me anyway    I don’t look good     and I don’t feel good     and I never trust a man  who says he is good     most men are only as good as they have to be

I will always speak my truth    but not only in words   coz words are not enough    not my words    my words deceive      I'd promise the truth, but what would it mean?     I promise never to make promises     promises take hostages   I'll act in accordance with my spirit  and live as I damn well choose    coz you cannot bury your truth    it will always resurface like Lazarus    in an ocean of deceptions   your truth will never drown   your truth shall always find you       your truth will be your judge       and if it finds you wanting      your truth shall be your noose

adventures in spirituality

 

I made my own bible     proclaimed it like a trumpet     the world was deaf     and did not hear     but my words were impeccable      I tried to use their power        in the direction of good        because I am an instrument of peace        and a vassal of love       because love is the supreme science       love is the only law

this was no epiphany    it all came on real easy like      over the course of decades      it was less a voyage of discovery       more a process of discarding garbage      I know who I am now    and I won’t forget        the world won’t let me      I’m fatally flawed      and that’s my strength        it can’t be used against me

individuals are thin on the ground      most people are just copies      nothing of them is original     they are an amalgam of stories they have heard      because everyone has stories    playing inside their heads     we’re all just the stories we tell ourselves     most of them are fictions    we take pride in our fictions      our uniqueness     but when I found out who I really was     I was bitterly disappointed      because I’m not at all unique      I’m a total fucking cliché    

a manic depressive whore      with a taste for drink and drugs       I truly am my own worst enemy      I’m just a Jonas     and I seem to sow discord wherever I go      but I ain’t crying     when I survey my life     I see I’ve lived it as well as I could      but it doesn’t matter now     just how I have lived      I can no longer play the role assigned me     I simply ceased to give a shit     and that brought me peace of mind       but I had to make that peace through understanding       because everything is connected       everything is now

I want to be art

 

what an idea      absurd  but powerful     it has real poetry    but oh lord there ain’t room for us both in this religion     you’d best count me a monkey man     coz I’m about  this world, not the next       my dharma is entirely human      that’s what interests me - being human

life has no meaning     but the meaning we give it        art is the true expression of humanity      I want to be art      I want to perfect my form of being        my being human       because it matters    because I believe in humanity     the laws of nature seem cruel        there’s no justice in the universe       the universe does not care     but we care, right?      even in a godless world   -   we still care  -  don’t we? 

*image 'The Three Shades'  Auguste Rodin