stumbled again bashed in my
napper shook a few loose battling with shadows but I’m alright I can take a kicking I’ll be back for more soon as my face has mended a man must learn forbearance if he wants to earn his freedom he
has to beat the count every time
they knock him down
I confess my faith in idiot reason because I’ve never known the truth no-one ever knows for sure questions circle like vultures I’m not afraid of questions but some questions can’t be answered and some answers can’t be questioned is love always the answer? or is love sometimes the question? I suppose it makes no difference to me because I keep my own counsel
I’m not running away I just changed my face to fit the frame you could say I’m in disguise I don’t forget the things I’ve done man, I nearly choked on them but I got over it and now I’m riding the gravy train but I had to give it up you know what I mean? I had to give it up pack it in and snuff it out no embers left to fan but there are questions there are always questions…
there are wrongs that cannot be buried and there are wounds that never heal but don’t talk to me about justice I can’t afford justice justice
is for the rich and powerful not for
the likes of you and me our world is an abattoir where we fight for survival but
you can give yourself an edge your
mind is a weapon you must use it as
such or have
it used against you
notions of justice are arbitrary they say god is our final judge well,
god must be turning in his grave after serial
abominations and depraved criminal conspiracies
someone murdered innocence but
they can’t pin that on me
the faithful count their
burdens and pray for forbearance
and that’s alright
I too have burdens but I’m just a
thief so I’ll take my chances outside the
law where a man can carve his own justice I
can fend for myself I’ve often had to
this weapon is loaded it’s got to be loaded
or it’s no damn use to me
I don’t know
why I write or who I’m writing
for but I’m hoping for a breakthrough before the vicissitudes of age grind me
into dust I regard old age with a
shudder I won’t be an old man too
weak to hold myself together drooling
down my chin and shitting in my pants
I never rejected the possibility of an afterlife I intend to fight my way to immortality but there are three major obstacles fear power and time and I’m running out of time every man carries his own death with him a natural man confronts that fact at all times but he fights to be immortal even as the universe conspires against him
when I was a
young man sex, drugs and alcohol seemed the only adventures available to me so I played
the covert Casanova using my seductive wit and charm to evade detection and
responsibility I felt I’d found the
secret of happiness when I scored portable ecstasies for body, mind and
soul I reveled in the sensation of
being alive and lifting the veil on carnal delights
however, a
lifetime of excess leaves its mark on a man
I was rotting away inside but
I was in good company I was never
alone in my debauchery there was no
shortage of willing accomplices but
they dried up or died off as I got older those
days are past now I no longer indulge
in drunken thrills I’m too old to cavort with boys and girls passions
wane and memories blur for the sole
survivor of a fallen world
I’ve become
an individual it was quite
accidental a gradual erosion of my
social organs saw me cut off from
the herd but I don’t seem to mind I like my own company I like to get things done I’m not a total misanthrope it’s nice to be liked but it isn’t essential I don’t care if someone hates me if there’s nothing they can do about
it the world can go to hell if I can have my way I
have made myself grotesque to become
an individual I’m the weirdo down
the road I’m the dissident cliché
I don’t
believe in injustice I don’t
believe in tragedy I tried to bleed
out once it simply doesn’t work for
me I figure I made my bed I may as well lay in it coz at times I was selfish but I was never deliberately cruel I can live with that coz I’m the one who makes the rules I got my own way of living and my own identity I gave birth to myself and I did it naturally
another
nothing day best get my
prescription filled every now and
then I get the urge to fall off the
wagon some will say I jumped I’ll
maintain I was pushed so
don’t touch me now I
don’t know where I’ve been I’m just flirting with reality living the fucking dream
where’s my
head at? do I even care? maybe if I strangle every impulse remain impossibly still it’ll come to me eventually solid
state delivery meaning in the here and
now I could be the prototype of the
brand new being I could grow myself a soul
some things
just are the duality of nature human nature godly nature all that is light and dark love and hate life and death juxtaposed in fungal shades of rot and
decay the significance of all that escapes
me now something’s changed I don’t know how but I’m not the man I used to be
I’m crashing
out here so pick me up on your way
down I intend to get my money’s
worth though I don’t possess a dime I’m only talking trash coz I’ve had a few I have high friends in low places and I know where I am I’m exactly nowhere it’s difficult now but I’ll make it somehow though I’ll never taste innocence again
you got your story and I have mine people have their plans one vile task after another but don’t trust me my pants are on fire you may seek a meaning I couldn’t possibly comment I’m just happy to be here alive and in the moment truth means nothing to me I’ve seen it all before I got the slow burn rapture I’m happy all the time don’t get me wrong my darkness serves a purpose redemption through chaos that there is the basis of my mythology
I don’t think I’m dishonest I only told one lie I told it with conviction I told it many times they tell me I was wicked for doing as I liked but everything is permissible if
you’re prepared to pay the price
all things
are basically cool until of course they’re
not I sometimes had to detonate my
nuclear device the power that moves
my heart is pounding out new stars my love is catastrophic it could tear the world apart
everything I
did I did in the name of love I would not go without I was an emotional junkie whore with a gaping hole at the centre of my soul all my days I hungered afraid to be alone I wasn’t the only one I had accomplices but I’m the one they fingered the one who took the
see them circle? they scent blood people are like sharks some more than others those
are the ravenous souls always on the
prowl reflexive killers without a trace of conscience and just like fucking sharks if they stop moving – they suffocate
you need some
gimmick if you want to eat four walls and a TV to keep you off the street you need a home you need a wife you need the things that make a life but this can prove a burden things can drag you down other men have found this some of them have drowned
perhaps the
sharks feasted on
those forgotten heroes but I’m not
here for souvenirs so I’ll kick on
regardless cold blooded killers make unpredictable companions the ocean here is deep and wide its
denizens are fearless so I learned to
dart and weave and dive I glide just like a dolphin that’s how I managed to remain alive where better men have fallen
I don’t just do
this for fun I do it because I ran
out of options I know I don’t write
that well but I’m ready to bleed across
your screen or pull my knickers down expose my arse to the world I’m speaking
metaphorically of course
coz I’m taking a hit - that feels
just like a kiss… when I wrote that
down I felt a little high I don’t know what you’d call that and I don’t really care there’s
nothing written here that can’t
later be denied
you get born you go to school you get a job they
give you a number you become a player
in the adult word well, that’s what
they expect but I don’t want to be
a player in this crazy fucked up
world where the wealthy engineer
consensus to keep us in our place
they say you can’t buck the system that there is no other way you must labour all your life until one day you die your
reward is pending in the afterlife but I reclaimed my mind I’m
breaking all their rules I won’t obey
a system that treats us like bloody
fools
I was always
a blunt instrument but I’ve been
honed to perfection I couldn’t be
more me if I tried I know who I
am and I know what I like I
love the light because I’m alive but
I love the dark because I’m a thief
I’ve been
many things to many people but I’ve always been true to myself I’ve stolen from giants I’ve stolen from paupers I’ve stolen from every creature that walked or
crawled beneath the sun but I never robbed
anyone who didn’t ask for it
truthfully I was never one for deceptions I’m honest enough with myself it’s
true I may have fabricated some facts to
fit the situation I forged my own
credentials because I travelled incognito above and beyond the law
they say god has no religion
so, he does not pray
you see, faith is a killer
take that away and…
hell no, that’s not for me
I have a light burning inside
chalk it up to ignorance
or perhaps self-deception
but I’m not alone
while my candle is lit
going down it’s hard as hell
coming up …it’s
sudden vertigo
and you?
do you still have empathy?
lord, save our souls
we’re going down
into the ground
protect us from doubt
leave us numb
no room to maneuver
no food for thought
I got a
telephone in my bosom so I can call
you from my heart let me tell you
about my freedom coz it matters
that much to me and why don’t you take
a look at yourself? take a good look at yourself is
this the way you wanted it to be? if
I called collect would you answer me then? or if you chose to dial my number? could it matter much to me?
if this life
had any meaning we’d be the last to
know we’re spoon-fed on slurry
culture waving banners and burning crosses them outside they’re not like us we got the understanding them outside ain’t got no culture coz without
a flag a man is nothing without a
flag he has no home
