Existential Crisis # 57i

this place

burns me out

with wearisome

repetition

its suburban cliché

weighs heavy

on my doldrums

and I’m drowning

in an ocean

of sundays

I’ve gone native

in the great nocturnal

I’m flying solo

from now on

I better bail out

before I’m found out

I have deviated

from the pattern

of the flock

those dopes

are sheparded

by wolves

they are helpless

and enthralled

their decline

commenced sooner

than anticipated

they had assumed

they’d be given

more time

.

Compact

give me comfort

bring me sustenance

for this is a grey world

and there are hunters

sharpened for murder

hungry for a piece of us

waiting at the door

I’ll trust you

just for the hell of it

you’ll trust me

because you’ve nothing

left to lose

when we first met

I sank to the quick of it

I knew there and then

I must have you

.

The Prince Of Fools

I’d like to fist your face and ram my heat into that gaping maw of yours. I’d soon stifle the spewing of verminous edicts that echo through that empty brain pan of yours. I want to grab each dirty matted syllable by its tail and stuff it back down your throat.

Your banality is a parody of thought. Yours are clown words with big grotesque fuck off feet that trip and stumble into my bleeding ears. Every time you open that repulsive mouth of yours I feel like I’m being held hostage by an amoeba. You drain my strength – you suck me dry like a bath full of leeches.

You gobble up useless information like an omnivorous vacuum cleaner, which is why your head is full of dust and shit. You can’t lay claim to thoughts, because all your thoughts are borrowed and overdue. You have a talent for engineering mountains into molehills and reducing the inspirational into the inconsequential.

I think your knowledge is a burden; it brings you no joy. Everything you’ve learned has only fuelled your delusions. You are the Napoleon of conceit, an emperor of denial. Every situation calls for anxious new equations – can you make a bid for the centre of attention? Will you play it safe on the central reservation? You get your jollies brow beating your victims with the ten cent words you borrowed from Readers Digest. You’re a passive – aggressive pick pocket with a treasure chest of petty triumphs.

You celebrate your skirmishes in the isolation of your fantastic dramatic reconstructions; you told them good – they sure know now. You are one in a million, a prince among paupers. You’ve turned egotism into an art form and all your vices into virtues. But your mind is crowded with recollections of cringing servile retreats in the face of forces cognizant of your minor league status.

Your house of cards folds its hand when your bluff is called. Those moments of embarrassment last an eternity in the dark hallways of your memory. It’s then, in the concealment of your empty bed, that the snagging doubts tug at your heels. They drag you down into the depths of the sullen certainty that you are merely a tin god, and a hollow man. You know then that you are not a winner – because you never ever ran.

Spiders

manky bastards     plied clever words     and ugly rumours     they were rather nifty     with the dishing of dirt     and spreading of filth     they told me things     that made me choke    

I had to cultivate      a little distance     from the unclean     they had worms     for tongues     and they traded     chinese whispers     for dubious reward    

there’s a kernel of truth     at the heart of every lie     but there’s no sense     hidden in confusion     and those who love      to spread bad news     one day reap the chaos       they themselves have sown

Fractured

pour me out of this wagon

I need my distillate of poison

I don’t care which brand

just pour it a yard deep

I’ll drink it and be damned

while the thirst is on me

I prefer to drink alone

there are issues to address

I’ll solve them glass by glass

from the comfort of my home

so sort me a fix that burns

I need that heavy stone

something to take me down

to somewhere I can hang my head

until morning comes around

.

Everybody Wants To Steal My High

they tried to pin me down

but I had the perfect alibi

they had a new prescription

they wanted me to try

they didn’t say as much

but they were after my high

they tried to box me in

with some misbegotten lie

woven with innuendo

and I knew the reason why

they said they were my friends

but they wanted to steal my high

they gave me words to drown in

words that were clever and sly

they were trying to sell me

some shit I could not buy

but I would keep my head

they would not take my high

.

Fantastic Tales

we were both

willing and able

with the usual caveats

in the conventional style

we hooked up

on the social network

where you first flashed

your rented smile

you told me

some orphan story

of routine betrayal

and stoic denial

you were the heroine

of every chapter

you told it so well

with no trace of guile

we were both fishing

for a little excitement

but I couldn’t commit

and you grew hostile

but I was enamoured

by your crooked geometry

and your fantastic tales

where fun for a while

.

The Universal

the spirit talks

she talks to me

I am part of her

she is part of me

she raises me up

to lay me down

for I am anointed

with the

fungaloid crown

we are lovers

in the great eternal

we are the children

of the universal

.

Ocean

I dreamed you were the ocean

and you called out my name

you said that if I joined you

we could end this worldly pain

I dreamed I was a sea shell

with the ocean trapped inside

and I called back to you

I’d swim out with the tide

I dreamed I was a dolphin

swimming in the sea

and I could feel your love

for you were part of me

I dreamed I was drowning

but didn’t seem to mind

for I was just dissolving

as you and I combined

.

Dope Chimps

I don’t feel inclined

to get too specific

with the various articles

but the general semantics

were thoroughly labelled

before distribution

mine read PSYCHIATRIC

but you don’t get to choose

your own labels

three dope chimps

were questioned at length

but they saw nothing

they heard nothing

and they said nothing

silence is the friend

who never squeals

you never tell a sucker

what is on your mind

I never cut cute

with established procedure

I always play by the numbers

chances are I’m right

you get more hee haw

in the long haul

if you’re deaf

and dumb

and blind

Stiff

dummy up weasel

and don’t tread on me

I’ve been shelling out

my ragged arsed blues

at your convenience

and now you’re pretending

that we’re all square

we both know you’re lying

and I’m claiming nothing

that was ever yours

when you wandered in

without the needful

I gave you my shirt

and a big bag of weed

but you are claiming

that you did for me

that’s not the way I see it

and I’m forced to conclude

you have a faulty memory

or a bad case of greed

there is something

to be learned

from every betrayal

and you taught me

the folly of generosity

there’s nothing here

for greedy arsed stiffs

who gobble up

the merchandise

and later plead poverty

I’m not disappointed

I expected nothing less

it’s in your nature

to bite the hand that fed

and it’s in my nature

to collect what I’m due

you don’t know it yet

but you’ll square me up

you’ll repay your debt

I’ll make sure that you do

.

Love Is Madness

I couldn’t explain our affair

in a month of bloody sundays

we made a splendid pair

and pledged forever always

but the nature of personal power

and the dynamics of intent

are written in the air

you have to be it to see it

to know that it’s unfair

that love is madness

and that love is unkind

that it brings us only sadness

when it renders us blind

.

Shady Lady

you like to draw me shadies

cause you think I drag the low end

but I’ve seen you sneaking home

with your knickers in your bag

you’re all fur coat and no morals

I met your kind before

I’m not casting stones

we’re cut from the same cloth

each takes what they need

and some of us need a lot

too much is never enough

to satiate our avaricious hearts

and we bleed for the diversions

that fuel the self importance

which sets us both apart

I expect some arsehole will save you

in time honoured tradition

buy you a nice suburban house

in a nice suburban cul de sac

you can sneer on a whole new level

when you’re sneering from afar

so if you want to look down your nose

at the folk you left behind

there’s no-one can stop you

no-one really cares - except for you

I always smile when you come calling

the shame is all yours, not mine

you’ll stoop so low – to reach your prize

I’m just a stepping stone, but I don’t mind

I could still have you - any old time

Vertigo

I’m sick and tired

of feeling sick and tired

I have my head

between my knees

the nauseating vertigo

has me retching

in violent spasms

but with no results

I’m running on empty

nearly flat lining

so I hit the floor

and eat dirt

just a small portion mind

I’m watching my weight

I got the heavy gravity

so open wide

while I disgorge

yet another can of worms

I’m speaking an old tongue

the language of pain

I’ve had instruction

from the stoic brothel

where they sold insularity

and phony self denial

but I can’t hang with that

there’s a canker at its heart

because we are all liars

and creatures of the flesh

who make virtues of our vices

and vices of our virtues

Ashes

there are billions

of death-watch beetles

gnawing at the heart of the sun

there are cockroaches

the size of cadillacs

eyeing up your stuff

darkness descends

this time it’s terminal

no dress rehearsal

no curtain call

we all saw it coming

but we were enthralled

I’m tuned to the misanthropic

my fellow man is no use to me

it was his backsliding

brought us the curse

and flushed us down the crapper

which is where we belong

there are no acceptable excuses

in the information age

ignorance is the only crime

you were all forewarned

but you was somnambular

and would not heed the call

now you are crying

cause you aint got no home

you pray for your children

in the future you secured them

you promised them paradise

but bequeathed them ashes instead

.

In Silence

I tried to buy my way out

negotiate a new deal

I’d been bouncing cheques again

but it was either that, or steal

I’d had enough

I was all tapped out

I had nothing left to give

of that there was no doubt

all the ghosts of yesteryear

were gnawing on my bones

I attempted new directions

but they had me by the stones

I had to cull the innocents

they were getting on my tits

a killer needs no reminding

of the crimes that he commits

I’d been heavy laden

and running low on luck

they told me it was karma

but no I longer gave a fuck

all my gods where slain

by my legions of petty tyrants

but I had to take the blame

and bear that shame in silence