cockroaches

this is cockroach  weather      the season of decay      I’m staying indoors – less cosmic radiation       it’s the rays that wear you down in the end       ultraviolent    radioactivity     desiccates the flesh     and leaves the husk behind     but my body is a temple    secluded and derelict         hidden in the shade

I read somewhere that life came to this planet on comets      I wonder how it will leave      they say that when we have finally fucked this world up all that will be left are cockroaches        maybe that’s all we do that’s of any significance         we feed the fucking cockroaches       the true masters of planet earth

you can’t kill them with pesticides or atom bombs     there’s evolutionary excellence for you – to eat shit and never die    unless someone flips you on your back      the cockroach god is waiting for accidents like that      I saw this movie once where cockroaches learned to impersonate people     it turned out to be true     there are billions of cockroach people     who look like me and you

valediction

 I fashioned this cruel distemper        from accursed fleshy instruments     and dark intentions        I bit the hand that bled me        and poisoned the well behind me       it’s too late to throw a blanket on my grave          I’m frozen root and thorn        a few will sing my praises        many more will mark my passing             with revelry and scorn

I was the author of misfortune           I was callous and unkind         I was a drunkard and a lecher        a bloody handed sinner         who left no stone untroubled       in the pursuit of a good time         I’m a criminal by nature        and now I have been caught         so commend me to the cold dark earth        without a second thought

13

the thirteenth unlucky apostle     was the bastard son     of a bastard son     and when the lights went out      he was nowhere to be found      no-one knows his name      but I’ve seen his face     I have his number     he’s a little less than holy       but more profound than some      he called himself a drinking man     and there was a certain kudos in that        among the poor and the derelict       and why not?      what else is there to do    here in the city of pain?      he was hard boiled and numb      his patter was filled with blood       but he sometimes pissed the bed     and he reeked of booze and fear     when asked about his friends      he could not recall their names       I think perhaps he lied     he may have been ashamed 

screaming

I see my own private babylon      sinking with the sun    everything is fucked     I’ve got to let it go     I’m just not cost effective      so they put me out to pasture       now there’s nowhere left to hide     everywhere stinks of shit     it’s the tyranny of conformity      at least, that’s what I think       but who taught me how to think?       the devil makes work for idle minds     I ought to learn to sing        fill my throat with love     I could act like I never knew     but we both know       it’s not enough       unexpressed thoughts?      I’m having one now        can I be blunt?       I’m in mourning      all my dreams have died     I don’t know what else to say       it’s hard to think straight     when you’re screaming   

bed

 seen from bombers      we all look pretty small     they tell me liberty’s a bust       and this world is a dangerous place    so I think I’ll stay in bed      I’ve been hollowed out      and I’m an unholy mess      but now    more than ever     I want to survive     but not at any cost      I’m still a human being      my love is not a burden to me       it’s the reason I go on       my politics are principled       my  heart knows no regrets        but the people here are fucked        yes, I might just stay in bed

golgotha

 outside the city walls     in the place of the skull    heavy handed men       carve idols of their fears     and project them on to others    sister, take it from me      don’t get involved with them       they’ll be the death of you       it’s not hard to spot the monsters     coz we are all fucking monsters     so don’t think about jesus     he’s not thinking about you     you’d best circle the wagons     coz no help is coming      the legions of chaos approach    the road to golgotha is slick with their tears      

erased

I no longer participate     I only observe       I’m a changed man        since my last trip to the funny farm      did they tamper with my mind?    did they erase essential memories?     I wouldn’t know     would I?       if I’d been shot full of holes       by medic pistoleros     with their snake oil medications    and heavy metal therapy      I can’t say just how     but I tell you I’m changed      subtly diminished    I stand in the shadow    of my former illusions       who I am now     I just can’t recall     

outré noir

it’s ten seconds to midnight     on my doomsday clock    it’s time to kill     but not for kicks      it’s time to kill      to get things fixed      I was afraid   I had to hide     I crawled into a bottle      where something dark and lethal lurked     an ocean of bastard monsters    blossomed in my heart    see, that’s how darkness wins    it’s trapped in the core of our being      hidden but obvious

rage

I fucked up     there’s no denying it     I lost it for a moment       and I’m sorry now     did you ever get the rage?      do you ever harbour savage intentions?     I know what it’s like       when I get blood in my eyes     I won’t quit until I’ve made a complete cunt of myself       I have to get a handle     on my anger     that’s easy to say from where I live      in the kingdom of crazy

I’m not a bad man      but he had it coming      we all have it coming sometime     you know I was never in his gang      we were opposite poles     in the old neighbourhood     fear binds the herd      but I’m not of the herd     I’m on the fucking moon      here I rant    and rave   and rend       when you push the right buttons fear turns to rage      mister, I need a drink     I’m on fire      my blood is red hot     don’t come near the fallout zone    I’m full of violent potential      coming to the boil

 

snuffed

they say the fear of death       stems from the fear of life      I don’t know about that     but the knowledge of death      gnaws at my heart       drugs don’t help       prayer don’t help     crying don’t help     nothing helps      nothing blunts the sharp edge of reality      somebody walked over my grave       it might have been me       there have been omens       deep in my gut     something bad is coming       something with no name

no-one knows just when the axe will fall       or what will follow     when I’m sacrificed to eternity      will flowers sprout from my rotting corpse?        will I be in them?     is that my immortality?     I want to die beautifully    gracefully      but I’m afraid     does it hurt to die?      will I go to hell?      or will I return in another guise?      it’s autumn now      the nights are drawing in     will this be the winter of my life?      will I see the sun again?

we are the apocalypse

after the light   the darkness spreads    it’s growing colder now     from the ocean’s edge    there comes a ripple and a sigh    the world is hushed    no clamour of humanity    no birdsong    just the cruel wind    stirring the dust   all living things are silenced     the war is over     we are the apocalypse     and we have arrived     

fear

 fear is the prime motivator     the key to our closet      everyone has the fear on     it’s our natural state      it’s all we’ve ever known     fear is the killer       the raw enemy       fear cuts like a knife     into the root     into the soul        fear is the teacher of bitter lessons        fear will make you foolish      fear will make you wise       everything you fear    you draw to you      that’s the power of intent    the true nature of human calculation

everyone is afraid of something        and that fear is loss      loss of face       loss of love     loss of life      we are ever in the shadow of our fear       but that’s only natural      our fear is the harbinger of terrible things       fear is the worm       that feasts on our minds      fear will be your master     all the days of your life       unless you learn to accept loss      and face the inevitable       you are not long for this world      and neither is anyone else

the bad shepherd

poor boy is dying by degrees      I had a quick shufi at his credentials    while his guard was down       his guard was always down     I saw he was empty inside    he’d drowned himself in fire water     and easy options     one of these days      he’ll get himself marginalised        into an early grave     I showed him a little distance      he won’t fall on me      I got troubles of my own       and limited time and energy      I’m not unsympathetic really    but don’t call on me if you’re drowning      because brother I can’t swim

point blank

 I’m sick and tired         of feeling sick and tired       but it’s far too late now        for a Hollywood suicide     I can’t catch a light       there’s  too much lead in my blood       I’m heavy as a deathbed confession     my heart is  a loaded gun     everybody loves a loaded gun     there’s power in a loaded gun      empires were built with loaded guns      but it’s all a little cringe       when you scope it up close        naked in all its nauseating  detail       you see a lot more from your knees      in that point blank moment       when your life suddenly fails       coz you were murdered by your friends      

grievous messenger

everything speaks to power       power and resistance      the individual is the product     of that merciless  geometry      I’m not saying everything is bad      I’m saying that everything is dangerous      let that knowledge be the blade     that carves out your place in society       self importance is the first sign      of man’s creeping corruption      the truth is not always beautiful       but the hunger for it is     a man who lies to himself     loses the power to love      he has rejected his identity    to pretend he’s somebody else      but his true name wields a power     that has lasted through the ages      he’s the grievous messenger     of the darkest force of all

sucker

 it’s hard to walk away     from a losing streak      there is a lure in risk      that gets into the blood     to tyrannise the heart    with articles of faith    the deck is always loaded      nobody ever wins     when I got hip to that     I only bet on myself      I thought that I was clever    I thought I couldn’t lose       but I made a sucker wager      when I staked my independence     on the empty promises    of ill-considered friends      it seems I can’t rely on others       I can’t trust anyone else     when it gets right down to cases       I can’t even trust myself

beast

 once a radiant boy      light of my mother’s eyes     I am become a beast     and sparkle darkly now     I am become a beast       what once glowed with fire within       is drowned in blood and gore        old unhappy distant things    the battles of long ago     I am  become a beast     conflict is all I know

 

deathbird

 the cry of night       the sound of the street      deathbird      spread your wings       take me to that other place      but not just now     not for a while       give me space      I only need space      to rest a bit       to gather strength   before the day      so kiss my lids       bless my dreams       don’t murder me     just let me sleep

northern lights

 I hear the jets tearing across the sky      they’re on their way to hell    peals of rolling thunder    the muted cries of death      I’ve had my share of sleepless nights    but I’m at home in the dark     and home is where the heart is, right?     sometimes I think about dying      I think of little else     I’ve gone transatlantic    I’ve learned to fly myself      I’m drinking what you’re drinking     neat scotch    the drink of free men      the red eye to oblivion     I ripped a hole in the night      my dreams came tumbling out

maggots

 I’m not feeling too clever today      someone shrank my knackers     and obscured my true identity     I’m out of bed    or so I think     It’s still dark outside      but it’s darker in      there’s a hole in my bucket     I’m leaking spiritual energy      but I’m rid of her    and she’s rid of me      summer died, she blamed it on me      I don’t hold that against her       we both know I have it in me      you see, it was easy to smile as I lied     easier than the taste of fear and shame     but it feeds the worm inside     and he’s a hungry maggot      the guardian of my psyche      the one who’s in control        here I am fucking, eating, grunting      I’m just rotting meat in a garbage can       maggots rule my world       my maggots have a master plan      it’s called metamorphosis       on the other side of heaven        they’ll have sprouted wings      and they’ll be planting eggs in the fertile ground       of my decomposing mind