castaway

my rehabilitation has been a calamitous success     I’m straight     and that’s great  but my social appendages have withered      and I lost my appetite for people     (present company excepted)    I don’t need rescued     I am where I am      unacceptably sedentary      but not lost for words

I’m the soul survivor of countless indiscretions     and author of miseries far too dank to mention        so here I am       stranded in the wilderness  of interpersonal indifference         I’m writing again - for what it’s worth        and stashing messages in bottles      their purpose remains unclear      I might reread them later       I’m not sure I really care

 

picnic

 

it was a day of wonders      when nothing was concealed      you baked me outside in the sun     laid me down in the tall grass       and filled my loving arms       we celebrated the gods    with tongues and limbs entwined       the bugs feasted on our flesh      and fire rained from the sky        we spilled a little wine       and talked of life and death and love      we looked so good together     what’s the meaning of that?      

my final temptation

this voice needs a wilderness      somewhere to scream in       the religion of solitude     has eaten up my mind        I don’t require validation      I know no one is listening     I speak now to power      word after word after word     laid out like crazy paving       now that is power       there is really nothing to it      you just have to bleed across the page      you have to cry like you mean it

some will think I’m the devil’s bagman      my truth is hard on the ears     but anything else is wasted ammunition       fear has lost its power over me     and power is the name of the game       make no mistake about that      power attracts the corruptible      and I am corruptible      power is my final temptation       and I fully intend to yield to it      I will become a force     amidst competing powers 

time and time again

 

we were taught to fear it       but we learned to face the unknown      our mouths stopped in supplication      blinded by the starlight in our eyes.       a trillion dying suns testified to our insignificance      but then, every action is a first in the history of creation      the fear we cannot name     stains us inky black inside     where forbidden gods baptize in pools of liquid night      the unknown draws us     as moths to the hidden flame     we seek to awaken the stranger within      because to truly live is to be reborn time and time again

Viva Babylon!

 

I’ve been incubating a brand new monster      and I have loved him dearly       since he was first conceived     in the eye of a solar storm       when my darkness exploded with a cosmic boom       was that the voice of God?      or the lightning flash of consciousness?      whatever it was    I can no longer live in the shadow of my former being        this world is a pressure cooker     you have to embrace that concept    Viva Babylon!      the crucible of reinvention       and mother of all whores       

kaleidoscope

 

it’s a finite sequence of choices       one filthy deed after another       no-one said it was going to be easy      but does it have to be this hard?      you won’t catch me complaining      Christ knows I’m not complaining      I’m just marking time       counting broken promises      and licking open wounds   

 I cut myself on your mirror      its shards cast fractured reflections     of what could have      should have    might have been      seen through your distortions    I couldn’t recognize my face    oh, I have made mistakes     everyone makes mistakes    but I’m not the man you painted     with your faulty kaleidoscope

birdies

 

I’m up with the birdies     indolent and cool     I don’t have to be good or bad     I play by nature’s rules     why should I take to my knees      when I can float on the breeze?      I was never meant to be caged     I was always meant to fly free

I’m aligned to the cosmic      tuned to the infinite variations of the one mother vibration      songs for the wild      songs for the free      songs that shaped my world and me

every creature builds a world     ours are beautiful and dangerous     joyous and cruel      we have imposed an order      which is predisposed to violence       because our worlds are fierce and unforgiving     and just like the birds we struggle      to make our voices heard

new paths

 

I was dead on my feet

the world dragged me down

what I was doing     

made me wonder

where I was going

I just had to crash out

choose a different path

but they all look the same

and they all lead to nowhere

so I chose a path with heart

a path that suited me

I named my new path freedom

because I’m always free to change

auteur

 

in this world of actors     everyone is a star      but I’m sick of shabby showbiz    I’m through with hollywood lies      I have all I could ever want       stashed away in my head     I made my move at last      I finally crashed out of the picture    into an impossible new world     where I found new ways to live     

I’ll make no more apologies     for doing as I choose      no one can put the bite on me    or pin me down with their thoughts     no one really knows me       hell, I don’t even know me     I’ve rewritten the screenplay      and completely erased myself 

tyrant

 

home

is where the

hurt is

and I got a surge on

sudden fury

blood in my eyes

blind with rage

but not struck dumb

I have words

killing words

dark

and corrosive

poisonous

and vile

curse your lips

you have a filthy mouth

you love me

you hate me

you love to hate me

but you need me

you know you need me

coz I’m your one and only

you belong to me

I might do you in one day

but I’ll never set you free

 

failing

 

better men than I      have dissolved in liquid night     while others have leaped to their deaths    because their buildings were on fire      my best friend choked on pills     he was trying to blot out the sun       he wasn’t broken      he had no dark and terrible secrets        he just got careless one day      and that’s all it takes        for an accidental murder      just cop a few pills      washed down with hard liquor

this is a world of actors      a theatre of distractions       one day I went off script      people called me crazy       maybe I was crazy       perhaps you have to be crazy      to survive in this world      I rehearsed my death        though my heart wasn’t in it        but I still got the scars      that betray my intentions      I tried to escape     and I failed at failing      what that says about me      I’m in no place to tell

the lovers

if you ain’t dealing with power      you ain’t in the game      I know that now      coz she schooled me the hard way      in a world of tyrants, pimps and whores    we chose to be  lovers      that’s always a roll of the dice      but love don’t hurt     it’s losing power that hurts       all human beings deal in power     it don’t make them wicked      but it can make them crazy     it’s all about control       people have emotions      and emotions can be manipulated     she was utterly ruthless with her affections       her love fretted my heart     I died a thousand times on her pillow     but I gave as good as I got     I’ll admit to being cruel      lovers can be cruel      but I don’t regret my crimes     in fact I’m bound to commit some more