stumbled again bashed in my
napper shook a few loose battling with shadows but I’m alright I can take a kicking I’ll be back for more soon as my face has mended a man must learn forbearance if he wants to earn his freedom he
has to beat the count every time
they knock him down
they beat me
into submission with subtle forms
of violence and the promise of jelly
roll they found out what I was
made of and made me pay for more I struggled to repay my debts my back was against the wall I
couldn’t catch a break there was no
relief at all but I did not fade
away I hung on by a thread while the ladies of the parish furnished me with bread their kindness and generosity meant I did not freeze coz there’s no justice in a system that keeps a man on his knees
they say the darkest hour
is right before the dawn
they say all kinds of things
most of them are wrong
I’m making progress now
I’m beginning to see the light
no-one is going to save me
least of all Jesus Christ
coz the god I don’t believe in
may be benevolent and wise
but he don’t hear my prayers
and I don’t spread his lies
cursed with
the dark charisma I’ve often played
the villain but I was only ever fooling I’m not that self-important and I don’t really care what the world is saying I’ve always done as I pleased some considered me immoral I’m
not shackled by their thinking this
isn’t my soap opera I refuse to get involved in episodic drama milk
was spilled tears were shed but the tears in my eyes - were from laughter
just a little salt
for my wounds an unction for my mind there is music inside me but I can’t name the song I’m in remission, and that’s a
blessing but it’s harder to write,
and that’s ironic I’m not
complaining don’t get me wrong coz I was a madman who once swallowed lightning I suffered in wars no sane man would
fight I don’t miss the conflict but I miss the inspiration I still have that hunger I still want to write
ten thousand
miles straight without so much as a
taste I’m parched got the thirst on something chronic what about one more hit for posterity? let’s celebrate my sobriety with a cup
of god’s own remedy…
my fragile
remission hangs in the balance I’m excavating
the roots of childhood trauma that’s
not my only story but it’s the one
that hurts the most I took twelve
steps and faltered I know no higher
power the world now seems so heavy my heart cries out for ease but I’m determined to stay sober no matter what it takes
I’m here
because I’m here there is no other
place wherever you might find me that’s where I’m meant to be I’ve got to believe that, right? coz it pays to be flexible in this crazy, fucked up world I have no axe to grind no personal beliefs I’m not shackled by creed or caste to that extent I’m free
I keep my own
councel trust in my own eyes I’m not playing silly buggers here I adopted the scientific method of kicking arse and taking names I’ve crafted instruments of denial they are hidden in my head I’m not obliged to speak coz anything I do say will likely count against me if I roll off empty and there is a judgment day
you lose your
heart before you lose your mind but you get used to it loss is the currency of life do
you ever feel that way? like you
can’t see right from wrong? but you
know exactly where you’re at you’re
exiled on planet earth there’s no
known cure for that
me, I’m just a dreamer naked
before the dawn my world will never change the sun rises the sun sets the tide claws at the shore somewhere stars are dying while others are being born it’s always been that way these eyes have seen it all
I confess my faith in idiot reason because I’ve never known the truth no-one ever knows for sure questions circle like vultures I’m not afraid of questions but some questions can’t be answered and some answers can’t be questioned is love always the answer? or is love sometimes the question? I suppose it makes no difference to me because I keep my own counsel
I’m not running away I just changed my face to fit the frame you could say I’m in disguise I don’t forget the things I’ve done man, I nearly choked on them but I got over it and now I’m riding the gravy train but I had to give it up you know what I mean? I had to give it up pack it in and snuff it out no embers left to fan but there are questions there are always questions…
I believe peace
will be my final evolutionary adaption
I have no secret ambitions I left no stone unturned but I still feel like a chump it’s a question of personal power demons assault my imagination ghosts with billy clubs and poisoned
blades I ought to defend myself but
where do I begin? you cannot slay a
memory you can’t murder a dream no, violence won’t see me through I’m just howling at the moon the only distraction left to me they say there’s no peace for the
wicked I’m hoping that’s not true
I wanted the truth the way only fools want the truth but, after extensive enquiries I reached the inescapable conclusion that there are questions but there are no answers meaning is arbitrary and truth is a whore all the remaining questions are six feet deep too deep for the living
me, I’m in no position to be answering questions my bipolarchromosomes have me hung drawn and quartered strung out on electric wire
I believe what I feel
and I’m as changeable as the
weather I got a telegram from Jesus that says I’m doing fine but I’ve been let down before I’ve led a blessed life biblical disappointments aside still, I’m no wiser now than when I started out
