Cancelled

I’ve been cancelled   by a voiceless choir of straight-jacketed neo conformist spy bots    the curtain-twitching superintendents of my life   have bounced back in a weaselling tour de force of sneering abhorrence and angry digits   but it’s not my first lynch mob    and I’ve been tarred and feathered before

theirs is that parochial mediocrity that says    you are different    so you must be bad    and if you are bad    then we must be good     well   I don’t pretend to be good     no-one would believe me anyway    I don’t look good     and I don’t feel good     and I never trust a man  who says he is good     most of us are only as good as we have to be

I will always speak my truth    but not only in words   words are not enough    not my words    choked off    before they are fully formed in my mouth   never to make promises     promises take hostages   but to act in accordance with my instinctuals  and live as I damn well choose    you cannot bury your truth    it will always resurface like lazarus    in an ocean of deceptions   your truth will never drown   your truth shall always prevail

skag monkey

 

all the beauty in this life could never be enough    I sold my ounce of solid soul for bowl of magic dust     but there’s no peace for the wicked    not in needles or in foil     or in the loving arms of a woman   or a girl    let the black smoke take me     let those flags unfurl    I’ll never pass this way again     I’m not long for this world    let me fashion implements    that ease my troubles now     I’ll pay the price tomorrow    if heaven will allow    

so hit me up with poison    fix me with some lead   I’ve been a long time living    I’ll be a long time dead     kiss me holy father    take away my pain      I have the chills inside of me    from standing in the rain   I’m bleeding in the heart   and paralysed by fear     I need another lover    that doesn’t cost so dear    this bitch will be the death of me     her love is too severe  

Descartes

 I fuck therefore I am     just another sailor on the ocean of sexuality     I don’t care  just what floats your boat    you can count me in    I’ll row    if you navigate   I’m as tactile as a shark     and as subtle as the bends    but I’ll play the victim of your errors   if you’ll cut me a slice of your sex

I live for sex     I revel in that electricity    I’m alive with conductive potential   I’ve blown fuses and scorched my fingers in the past    and you know what they say     once bitten     forever smitten    I don’t find sex commonplace  I find that it’s extraordinary   I don’t believe it is wicked   I believe it is sacred     sacred and free

where you might see depravity     all I see is beauty   animal and raw    that part of nature can never be taken from us    finesse and rigour   partial and unlimited     we are all actors in sexual emancipation     fucking shall set you free   lust will drown your cares     make you anyone you desire     if you can ride the waves     without inhibition      but you must never shag anyone  you wouldn’t want to be

killer

 

they say you can kill with kindness     but I don’t believe that’s true    no   cruelty is a killer    indifference is a killer     and I’m a killer too    sometimes I don’t even notice I’m killing    I kill so very quickly   but not necessarily humanely   I had to adapt to the world around me    so I’m a stone cold killer     without the trace of a conscience     I never killed for pleasure   I only kill when it’s expedient    but  I’m always tooled up    arrogance and selfishness   are my weapons of choice

I move like a killer   I talk like a killer  these are the hands of a killer   there’s blood on these hands   but you can’t see it on me    there is no trail of corpses   leading to my door   but my home is a mausoleum    where love comes to die    my love is selfish    but it’s real    and I have killed for it    but with every murder I commit   I die a little inside   I’m not some kind of sociopath   I don’t kill indiscriminately     I only kill my lovers   I only kill my friends     sometimes there were others   because the killing never ends

heroes

 

they say a hero is partially courageous   but mostly foolish     that maybe a hero is just a regular guy   who made an honest mistake   a guy who wants to run like everybody else     but doesn’t    what’s he afraid of do you think?

maybe there are no heroes    maybe we are all driven by fear    maybe we’re just a pack of dogs     marking our territories with piss   perhaps the real heroes know this    because they’ve been paying attention   and they know that this life just a childish game

just who is and who isn’t a hero?    that would depend who’s side you are on   one man’s hero is another man’s villain    we are all heroes in our own minds     few ever see themselves as villainous    until it’s too late    and the villainy is done

for some a hero is someone willing to die for a cause    maybe heroism isn’t about dying for something   but living for something    in truth the common notion of heroism is a fiction    an entertainment      our prisons are full of heroes     but nobody cares  about them

I’m told there is a hero within each of us     but there are more tyrants than heroes within us    I pity anyone who needs a hero    because heroes are thin on the ground   villainy is much more common     you can always count on villains to show up on time

*Image: ‘The Death Of Achilles’  Corfu, Greece

rebel

 

we were schoolyard lepers    the wonder kid and me      no-one could ever touch us   so they just let us be   for we had pockets full of magic    bursting at the seams    we were strong and reckless   and determined to be free

our fuel consumption    was always way too high       for mere adolescents     that cannot be denied   but we would come of age   in a world of sensual delight    where we laced our tea with miracles     and stole stars from the sky

I miss you brother lover   and think of you all the time    and the flags that you once planted    in the nations of my mind   I hope you found the peace    you were reaching for    and that one day we will meet again     somewhere down the line

society

 

they tell us man was made   in the image of his creator    but society was forged    in the image of the beast    I’ll have no truck with society     society is a killer driven by hatred and greed    we gave power to our demons     and we’ll never get it back    from inside the prison of society

nothing ever changes   within existent reality   it will take a brand new paradigm     to really shake things loose    to keep your hands clean   you must live outside society   you cannot claim your freedom   while on your bended knees   

we’ve ignored the potential of love     to raise us above savagery    we’ve  embraced a machine        that celebrates conformity    and crushes individuality   in this bloody system    there’s little room for sentiment   we define our cultural history    as a record of atrocities

I once believed that to be human    was our highest attainment    now I see that to claim our humanity    is to admit that we are monsters    I reject the callous mechanism we call society    I never belonged to society    and it never belonged to me

Janus

 

stem your tears and dry your eyes      they are trying to steal your name   they want to modify your temperament      to make you feel ashamed    you ain’t been cutting the mustard     at the image factory     and they can delete your profile     any time they choose

get a hold of your sunshine    learn how to play the game     the benefits are obvious     there is no other way    don’t be yesterday’s hero    when you could eat this whole world raw      don’t tell them you’re a nobody     they pegged you for a star     just make your ego porous    and try to enjoy the ride

you’ll need two faces now     one for them and one for you    be careful who you trust with yours    because some would sell you out     they’ll imitate your action   even your mistakes      they’ve got no imagination     and no creative juice     they have to feed off you    you’re the only show in town

try not to worry too much     no-one sees your pain     they want you to be glamorous      and  maybe just a little flawed   that way you make good copy    when they nail you to the cross     they say the greater the exposure   the deeper runs the doubt    don’t bend yourself all out of shape    trying to work it out

Odysseus rides again

I went down to the jungle    on a sacramental mission   those misbegotten angels     were selling counterfeit mushrooms   laced with dark confusion   and suicidal ideation    I swallowed me a bundle    and set off on a voyage   of odyssean dimensions

 the devil took my clothes   and stripped me of my name    I became the shotgun messenger    the prophet of a new gospel    that was totally insane    and mine were broken promises    before they were ever made    hallucinogenic bread    that was less than halfway baked

I saw patterns emerging   that were hidden from science    they only blossomed in the darkness    of the gardens in my mind    on a vicious island    in a secret archipelago     on the ocean of despair

I was eaten by moths   who feasted on my organs    and left me wafer thin   solitary and moonstruck   in urgent need of repair    I was a one man holocaust    in a dystopian nightmare that I myself devised    there was an armageddon there    and no-one else survived

if I was taught a lesson    it was difficult to decipher   my bones have rejected meaning   and my mind denies the consequences  of feasting with my demons   I’ve been hung out to dry   in the sodding rain   a man who prayed for a fair wind  and reaped a hurricane

the sporting life

I’ve been tapped in the brainpan  by skull cracker monkey warlords    I’ve been dug up and called out  by knuckle dragging sporting types  who had me pegged  as an easy mark    but I’ve never been easy    and I never mugged a chump     though I made a few exceptions     when exceptions were the rule  and chumps were thick on the ground

I rolled in the hay with farm girls     and in the street with street girls    I bought their stories on approval     I got a few stories of my own    they’re hard to tell with dirt in my mouth     I was committed to no commitments and on my honour to be a good boy     which was never simple  in the no tomorrows of the unconscious   reflexive   existence  the jungle demands of its denizens

I crashed out of monkey town   before I went native    I bugged out of the urban for the country     where no-one knew my name    became a real nice guy     and raised a family   in the cosy cotton intimacy of belonging and total commitment    but every now and then I still feel it burning hot and bright    the monkey in my soul

hypersexual

 

I just can’t get enough    to satiate my lust   I’m just a greedy bastard     who will not be fulfilled    I’m a hostage to love    my body requires it   I am driven by the flesh   to seek the devil’s mercy    I was born with a fire within me    I can’t tend those flames alone   I need a friend to feed them    so kindle me a passion   and we’ll shed some heat and light together   some say I’m an animal    I think perhaps I am   animals have no inhibitions    animals know no sin

people wait too long for love    I’m content with my lust    so touch me   touch me now    burn holes in my flesh   with your beautiful mouth   desire can devour a man   and leave him starving    and begging for more   the question of love is irrelevant   I seek some raging   savage  force    which lays within your body    within our very souls    for I am darkness    as you are darkness   there is darkness in our lips   and in our fingertips   but there’s light within our fusion   and the joining of our hips

sorrow falls like rain

 

you can’t betray your enemies   you can only betray your friends   and when you stick the knife in  that’s when the friendship ends   there’s no betrayal without trust    there’s no hatred without love   I didn’t think about betrayal   I thought only of my lust   but I try not to look behind me     where I see only ashes and dust

now my joy has gone   but my sadness lingers on   it’s a sadness I have earned   and regret that I have learned    my heart is twisted black    because I know there’s no way back    I murdered the love we shared  and destroyed the life we’d built   I’d rather I had died   than shoulder all this guilt

sorrow falls like rain   washing hope down the drain    no-one ever told me    that grief would feel this way    I drink not to forget   but to keep the pain at bay   no amount of booze    can make it go away   I drink until I’m numb   but the sadness stays the same   for time and time again   my anguish and my shame   will chase me through the shadows   but my sorrow will remain