I was dead on my feet
the world dragged me down
what I was doing
made me wonder
where I was going
I just had to crash out
choose a different path
but they all look the same
and they all lead to nowhere
so I chose a path with heart
a path that suited me
I named my new path freedom
because I’m always free to change
in this world
of actors everyone is a star but I’m sick of shabby showbiz I’m through with hollywood lies I have all I could ever want stashed
away in my head I made my move at
last I finally crashed out of the
picture into an impossible new world where I found new ways to live
I’ll make no
more apologies for doing
as I choose no one can put the bite
on me or pin me down with their thoughts no one really
knows me hell, I don’t even know me I’ve rewritten the screenplay and completely erased myself
is where the
hurt is
and I got a surge on
sudden fury
blood in my eyes
blind with rage
but not struck dumb
I have words
killing words
dark
and corrosive
poisonous
and vile
curse your lips
you have a filthy mouth
you love me
you hate me
you love to hate me
but you need me
you know you need me
coz I’m your one and only
you belong to me
I might do you in one day
but I’ll never set you free
better men
than I have dissolved in liquid
night while others have leaped to
their deaths because their buildings
were on fire my best friend choked
on pills he was trying to blot out
the sun he wasn’t broken he had no dark and terrible secrets he just got careless one day and that’s all it takes for an accidental murder just cop a few pills washed down with hard liquor
this is a
world of actors a theatre of
distractions one day I went off
script people called me crazy maybe I was crazy perhaps you have to be crazy to survive in this world I rehearsed
my death though my heart wasn’t in
it but I still got the scars that betray my intentions I tried to escape and I failed at failing what that says about me I’m in no place to tell
if you ain’t dealing
with power you ain’t in the
game I know that now coz she schooled me the hard way in
a world of tyrants, pimps and whores we
chose to be lovers that’s always a roll of the dice but
love don’t hurt it’s losing power
that hurts all human beings deal in
power it don’t make them wicked but it can make them crazy it’s all about control people have emotions and emotions can be manipulated she
was utterly ruthless with her affections
her love fretted my heart I
died a thousand times on her pillow but I gave as good as I got I’ll admit to being cruel lovers can be cruel but
I don’t regret my crimes in fact I’m
bound to commit some more
I have to drag
so far to find out what I’m made of sun bakes down the streets are hot can’t find my people but I can’t shadow down not with the heat I got
I walked a million miles
before I got lost got no
blues got no reds I best buckle under before I get
robbed it’s been a hard drop but I broke no bones write to me in the hospital where I get treatment like everyone else don’t lock me down don’t wind me up fix me in situ from your loving cup
yesterday’s blues
are a kick in the bollocks I try to avoid them but they still burn me down they poisoned my blood with a dubious concoction they said it was an accident I say it was foolishness but
we all agree something went wrong because
I died on the pillow while my mind
birthed a nightmare I was walking in my sleep casting
heavy shadows but I could not
escape they’d locked all the doors
I really
can’t recall everything that
happened but hallucinatory fragments
coalesce in horror a gory exhumation the dead and near dead rising I conversed
with demons who seemed familiar and fluid
and feasted with ghosts who once were friends of mine it’s
a reoccurring dream an affliction of
memory I’ve tasted my death and it plays
on my mind
I’ve had
thirty years to perfect my
excuses but sometimes things just
happen for no particular
reason one day I rolled up
empty my heart was no longer in
it that place was slowly killing
me I had to escape my fate I had to get away
you can call
me selfish but I was made that way through
pressure I could not face the future the
world had planned for me I visited
you today to put fresh flowers on
your grave and I wondered again what
might have been if I had not run that
day
the genie is
out of the bottle all magical
thought is bogus I’ll take no
comfort there I’m as good as my conscience
dictates as good as reason allows anyway,
I have nothing to defend my
ambitions are explicit I’m striving to
be human I have no expectation of a heavenly reward I am both innocent and worldly blessed and cursed in equal measure but I have it in my power to give my life
meaning the only thing that
interests me now is how to be a man
I fought hard and long I’m due my day of
rest coz I lived through my darkest
hour and I’m the stronger for it I once had the curse
I had it something chronic I developed
me some moves which were totally suicidal I made an awful mess of things and don’t expect to be forgiven but it doesn’t really matter now I’m just
grateful for the experience
it’s been an education I can move on with my life now bloody nose and all
she was cool a studied cool way too cool for me she ate me up for lunch before she set me free her killer vice was obvious foot loose and fancy free she came on like a viper just my cup of tea I thought
this was my game but it was not to be perhaps
I was not ready maybe I acted
foolishly but I felt we were alike the mystery girl and me
stumbled again bashed in my
napper shook a few loose battling with shadows but I’m alright I can take a kicking I’ll be back for more soon as my face has mended a man must learn forbearance if he wants to earn his freedom he
has to beat the count every time
they knock him down
