Circumstances

I’ll admit I wasn’t too phased by what happened to Doc. I might even have profited by it. Anyway, what’s another dead junkie in the scheme of things? Buddha, however, took it bad. It turns out he and Doc were close back in the day.

“They slaughtered him like a pig Johnny. What was the point in that?”

“Finney says he’s cleaning up the neighbourhood, that junk is a scourge.”

“The real scourge is folk like you and Finney. It’s men like you who make the schemes hell to live in.”

“C’mon Buddha – I’m just a businessman making a living. If I wasn’t selling the dope, some other cunt would.”

“Does that salve yer conscience Johnny? The old supply and demand argument. The fact is that it isn’t someone else – it’s you. It’s your karma Johnny and no-one else’s.”

“It’s a dog eat dog world Buddha. I didn’t make the rules”

“All dogs say that Johnny. You didn’t make the rules, but ye enforce them.”

I didn’t like the way this was going. Did Buddha just call me a dog? Cheeky cunt was getting overly familiar. What was his problem anyway – I didn’t stab Doc – Finney did. I was bristling and groping for a reply.

“But it’s human nature Buddha – we’re a greedy lot.”

“Dinnae gimme yer Social Darwinism, or that Libertarian crap. That’s the philosophical equivalent of a bag full of feral cats. There’s your basic misconception about human beings. We’re not successful because we’re competitive. We’re successful because we are co-operative. It’s not the survival of the fittest, or the fastest, or the smartest. It’s the most adaptable who survive. Those who can change with circumstances. I’m a stubborn cunt though Johnny, you have to prove to me that there are genuine circumstances to change with. I’ve been around and I’ve seen loads of fake circumstances. A man would be a fool tae adapt to those. What about you Johnny – dae you see any change in circumstances approaching?”

Buddha had lost me again. He was driving at something. I didn’t quite get what it was, but I had a feeling I didn’t like it. I tried to change the subject away from me and my circumstances.

“You know that I tried to score fae Doc back in the day. Aye, he said he’d tell my mother if he ever caught me anywhere near junk. I shat it. Never tried tae score in the scheme again.”

“He was a good sort was Doc. He put me up when I got out of the looney bin.”

“You were in the looney bin?”

“Briefly”

“How come.”

“A wee misunderstanding about the nature of reality.”

“You got it sorted then?”

“No, ye cannae tell anybody anything. No-one listens. I keep that shit to myself now.”

“Dae ye?”

“You’re no listening.”

“I might be.”

“I doubt it.”

There was an embarrassed silence. Just for a moment. I suddenly realised that the Buddha was angry. I’d never seen him angry before. He was angry with me, but I couldn’t work out why.

“He was a Christian ye know.”

“Doc? Was he?”

“Aye.”

“Well, we are all Christians more or less.”

“No, we aren’t. Doc was the only man I ever met who’d turn the other cheek, or give ye the shirt off his back. He was a real Christian – not more or less.”

“Aye, well if he had the love of Jesus – why did he need junk?”

“Human frailty. I said he was a Christian. I didnae say he was perfect.”

“I didn’t know the man. We moved in different circles.”

“That’s where yer wrong. You move in the same circles, but you dae it in a Mercedes.”

“Is there something on yer mind Buddha? Something ye want to say?”

“I’m saying it.”

“Well you’ll have tae speak up – cause I cannae hear ye.”

“I’m saying that if karma dealt such a blow tae a man like Doc – what’s in store for you Johnny?”

“Let me worry about that Buddha – I can take care of myself.”

“Can ye?”

“What’s it tae you?”

“I’m yer friend Johnny – probably the only real friend ye have.”

“I have friends – lots of friends.”

“Will they tell you when you are wrong?”

“Of course they will.”

“Then let me tell ye – you are wrong Johnny. You are all wrong.”

I’d had enough of that auld bastard moralising. He’d made a comfy living off the dope. He’d set himself up for life. Now he was straight he presumed to tell me how I should live mine. I stormed out of his flat without a bye or leave. I don’t take that shit from no cunt. I have friends – real friends. They don’t lay that shit at my door. They know better.

I was getting into the car, my Mercedes, when I noticed a sign outside the Episcopal Church opposite. It read: “For what shall it profit a man, if he gain the whole world, and suffer the loss of his soul?” There are fucking Christians every fucking where these days.