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Showing posts with label bitter sweets. Show all posts
Showing posts with label bitter sweets. Show all posts

16 March 2024

feline

 older now     but clearly no wiser     I showed a little interest     lapped it right up    the cat that stole the cream     but I won’t be neutered     by sympathetic vibrations      ‘no one fucks like that – unless they really mean it’    was that an accusation?      was it a compliment?      I showed a little interest      for a moment you were everything     but you murdered that moment       when you put it under the microscope       you murdered that moment      and I’m over it now…

15 February 2024

fraternity

 after forty days and nights    I’ve come in from the wilderness      to make my bed where the wild things sleep   naked and alone    but I can bear the load    coz in my story I am free     but makes me so certain?    what does freedom mean to me?   well, I’m not free enough     and I’m not satisfied    where’s the peace of mind  I was guaranteed     when I cut the cords that bind?   I cultivated a little space    on the edge of society   coz I’ve lost faith in people    as they’ve lost track of me     I’m something of a misanthrope     it cannot be denied       it was learn to love my neighbour    or find a place to hide     

18 January 2024

bittersweet

in the place where you are     rooted as you are    habitually static   do you feel incomplete?     is there hunger still in you?      have you come very far, in the course of a lifetime?      was the journey worthwhile, the way you remember?     could you do with a bit more emotional warfare?    are you finally done with me, now I’ve surrendered?

to tell you the truth     I saw it coming      felt trouble gnawing   deep in my entrails      maybe that feeling tainted my actions     and I drew trouble to me      with dread apprehension     battling shadows    like a child in the dark       was I sowing the seeds of intent?      did I walk a crooked path?       all prophesy is self fulfilling      it’s a law of nature     even I realise that

least said, soonest mended       I’ll reserve my judgements     for the early hours        to reflect in a vacuum     the role that I played in this latest debacle     I hold a fascination for the patterns of disgrace      and we were both disgraced in this episode     so I’ll bury you now      but I’ll mark the grave for later      I’m bound to return to the scene of the crime

we all have needs     some more than others    we do what we have to     in order to survive with egos intact     people get hurt     and get hurt in the hurting     some wounds heal       some wounds fester      some wounds are licked     because we like the flavour      there are bittersweet confections     that linger in the heart

27 September 2020

memories

suddenly    out of nowhere    I just blurted you out    but I’m not ashamed    to recall your name     do you remember mine?    you liked the cut of my cliché    and my ragamuffin style   I enjoyed your laughter    and the quickness of your mind    I should have known you better   but there was just so little time

those moments are long gone    but the memories linger still   there on the tip of my tongue    this old  town was shabby news    but the memories are not    the past beats on inside of us    like a shadow heart

memories often sweeten over time   that’s how we endure the past      but there’s no staying there   we must move on   because the past is dead    and the future lives    most things are forgotten in time    but there are some memories   we can never consign to oblivion    good or bad   they remain the touchstones of our lives

I recollect that sorrowful scene      on the railway platform    our apologetic smiles    and the things we never said    in the uneasy awkward silence that marked our final moments together    it was hard to say goodbye   yes   I remember you     you’re not easy to forget

 

listen to the Creature EP


13 September 2020

betrayal


teach me how cruel you are    cruel and false   you have wounded my heart    and those wounds last a lifetime   I know more than I want to know   I know you only lied   to protect me from the truth    you were only thinking of me   and never of yourself   what sacrifices you’ve made     all in the name of love   what a tangled web you’ve woven     just for lucky old me    

it’s all a big mistake you say    but the big mistake was mine    I never should have trusted you    I don’t even trust myself    I’ve shit on almost everyone who ever trusted me    and I usually told myself I was doing it for love

it’s hard to tell who really has your back   some have it just long enough to park a blade   but I shouldn’t be humiliated    or angered by that    betrayal is the inevitable consequence of trust       

I guess I can forgive   but I know I can’t forget    we’re still broken baby     I think we murdered love   the bed we shared is now a tomb   the faint edge of depression    blurs into constellations of hopelessness   and the tentative hopes  we wound between our sheets   flee the scrutiny of daylight       there’s nothing left to say     so I’ll just leave now     before the sun arrives      to confiscate what little dignity     is afforded us in our silence


listen to the Creature EP

11 September 2019

Animus


there may have been

some reason

for my wild elation

I think I had forgotten

to take my medication

I simply don’t remember

I try not to forget

but if there’s method

to my mania

I haven’t found it yet

and I was high

so very high

on the night we met


you made it easy for me

to cross the killing floor

you told me with some certainty

that we had met before

we coupled in a frenzy

we had a physical rapport

and shared the kind of passion

that left me wanting more

but your words were less than kind

and cut me to the core

you said you’d had enough of me

and showed me to the door

.

16 February 2019

Donut

















for a while there
Donut had the key
to his knackers
but it was all display
Blondie was a closet case
who hid his true vocation
behind a heterosexual smoke screen
but it was a thin veneer
which fooled no-one but Donut
she was a grade A junkie
who professed a grade B love
for her young suitor

her man Donny found out
but he was supposed to
he reckoned he was
going to get basic
on Blondie’s arse
and I could understand his feelings
but I told him the road to Blondie
ran through me, so he backed off
I liked the man
he was a decent sort
who carried his own burdens
like a man
not all junkies are thieves
most are just ordinary people
with monkeys to feed

anyway, Donut heard about
my conversation with Donny
and immediately switched tack
I was round there one day
looking for a little hash
and she was crying about Blondie
who’d been giving her space recently
I put my arm around her, as you do
when Donny returned
and she pushed me away saying:
“No Johnny, I won’t fuck you!”

I was amazed, then amused
you see, it was all about Donny
it was all about power
Donny was giving me the hard look
which made things even more amusing
from my perspective
I left with peals of laughter trailing
but I did not return
for the matinee performance



12 September 2018

Parade

Bass-Drum

I’m no knocker

no tattle tale

but I was at the front

of her big parade

remember me?

I was the arsehole

with the big bass drum

counting steps

and keeping time

with regimental

precision

.

everything was cushty

everything was sweet

until the rain

put the mockers

on her big day

there were tantrums

there were tears

she put on quite

a performance

and in all honesty

she preferred it that way

.

6 September 2018

Barley

Barley

this happy heart

will be the death

of poor me

I tilled the earth

then scattered

cancelling

my subscription

to the ever after

to carve myself

a solitary path

through golden

fields of barley

in the soft

summer rain

.

30 August 2018

Tragedian

Suicide-Sal

Sally threatened suicide

she did from time to time

it was no cry for help

but a demand for servitude

I’d have given her anything

under any other terms

but she came as the victim

of numerous insoluble crimes

her eyes were always offended

they were tuned to disappointment

she said she’d turned a corner

on another dead-end street

.

I felt the momentum

of some terrible gravity

dragging at my entrails

hers was a brutal surgery

born of desperation

the decision was mine

my choices were limited

by narrowing circumstance

to a fight or flight scenario

so I reluctantly opted out

but I still have a pillow for her

if she ever feels the need

.

7 September 2017

To Dream As Gods Do

Pan_01

your suicide warden
garnished in chains
inspects your arsehole
where morning has fled
your pot hole eyes peering
through a lysergic purge
witness only the contents
of your dingy abode
which encapsulates the wearying
trinkets of monstrous dalliances
and licentious attacks
of falsified intentions
these are the things you’ll remember
during those lonely repasts
of quaaludes and hard liquor
green tea and ground glass
.
you learned to sleep in shallow latrines
on egyptian cotton and busted bed springs
gazing up at refracted reflections
in cracked ceiling mirrors
where decades of hope
disappeared in a murmur
to dissolve and fade like baby aspirin
.
your aged gigolos and mutant dandies
dopes on the ropes fighting losing battles
are smudged entries in last year’s diary
so your electric wire and phony smile
seemed like your last best defence
in a life grown cold
from hustling for change
and god knows you need a change
there’s one more hit left in the locker
so lay back and relax to dream as gods do
.

20 October 2015

The Other Foot

Other_Shoe_blk
“I hate liars!” she pronounced, with the emphasis on hate, and I knew in my deepest recess that I had been deceived. I may not be the cleverest of cookies, but I know when I’m having smoke blown up my arse.

“Everybody lies,” I replied evenly, “it’s human nature.”


“Not me – I never lie,” she bristled, now staring fixedly at the TV screen. 

My insides churned; the chords of attraction were striking a dissonant note. My heart was beating out a tattoo against my ribs. The body has its own messenger service – the body knows instinctively. I watched her as she feigned abstract disinterest. Everything I had ever observed about lying was on display. I would know because I had been one of the biggest liars on earth. I knew then that she probably prided herself internally on her ability to pull the wool, but she really was a rank amateur.


I was embarrassed for her. She’d come home with her t-shirt on inside out. She claimed that she must have gone out that way; a likely story. She’d been acting pretty cagey and pulling a lot of late shifts down at the pub. My friends were dropping hints and I recognised the signs. I invented most of the blinds that she was pulling now. I was a past master in the art of deception, but when it happened to me and the shoe was on the other foot - I felt both dirty and betrayed. Ironic you might say - betrayal previously being my stock and trade. The irony was layered because this time I had played it straight - right down the line. I did not deserve this shite - I had been as good as gold this time.

Then I got to thinking about how my previous partners must have felt while I was whoring it around. All the lies I had to tell and the people I let down. I figured this was karma and I deserved all I got. That said, I just couldn’t swallow my pride; so I showed the bitch the door. I had been deceived and I had been betrayed - I felt angry and abused, but within a week I’d swallowed hard and gone crawling back for more.
.

5 March 2015

Fish n Chips

Fish_n_Chips_01

Oh Lord, lead us not into temptation, but deliver us some cheap thrills. This one looks game for a laugh; she’s all fur coat and no knickers, not that I hold that against her. I know her slightly - just enough to know I ought to maintain a little distance. She’s comely all the same and the mere idea of her gives me a hard on; the way that casual acquaintance does when you’re on a sexual high and possess little moral fibre. I’ve known a few mongrels in my time, but this one takes the biscuit and she takes it greedy like.

I don’t mean to make it seem that I lack respect, but I recognise the limitations of this faux romance. Still the pretence of courtship is all part of the ritual – though I doubt that she even remembers my name. We’ll do the deed alfresco – doggy style – with no inhibition or manners. We’ll grab some fish and chips after and converse inanely for the first and last time.
.

20 April 2014

Sixteen

sixteen
there were days
when we lived
as if we’d never die
days we were
perfected
among the race
because our love
was the first love
to ever reach
those heights
but we were sixteen
and did not know
that time was a thief
who’d steal our love
and leave us naught
but our memories
.

3 December 2013

Ghosts

Gloom


Chaos bless them – prisoners of the winter skies who await the settling of the sun when night sings songs of damage and pain. Silence seeps from the cracks of less well-ordered lives to soak the heart and stain the soul. There are those who would not trade their sadness for joy, but would hold it dear for it denotes the passing of something precious. There are some who would hold the empty night close to their hearts as the only remnants of loves lost, or dreams that died. They would eschew the dawn preferring the company of ghosts.


17 July 2013

Flowers

Flowers

Whose grave did you rob
To bring me flowers
How much did you steal
To buy my love
Where did you go to
When I needed your shoulder
Who will you turn to
When I show you the door
.

26 June 2013

Number Seven

Fire_01
I set number seven ablaze. I’m surprised I didn’t think of it sooner. I was stoned at the time – when the impulse took me. I put the chip pan on and went out. It’s the most common cause of household fire, the chip pan. I was standing across the road watching when the fire brigade arrived. It was only then that the enormity of what I’d done hit me. I was shaking. I was in shock. I stood there among my neighbours and watched the smoke fuming from the roof. I could see the flames through the windows. All my possessions were burning. Everything I owned was being turned to cinders.

I was a bit embarrassed when the fireman guessed correctly that I was off my face, “the most common cause of household fires” he said. Fire cleanses, fire destroys and fire renews. Friends gathered around to console me, “At least no-one was hurt – are you insured?” At that moment I just did not give a shit. I would rise from the ashes. I was looking forward to it.

A few days later I was allowed to enter the building to retrieve any belongings that I could. To my surprise my bedroom – though covered in a thick layer of soot – was basically intact. I found a shoe box crammed full of old letters and postcards, a lifetime’s worth of correspondence. They were miraculously undamaged by the fire. I scanned through them – old lovers, friends, relatives – bitter sweet memories. They burned very nicely. One by one they joined with the ash on the floor.
.

23 May 2012

The Real You



I saw your face
contorted with rage
fierce green eyes
tinted with hate
it wasn’t so pretty
but I think I was seeing
the real you
it struck me as funny
I could not help laughing
you looked so small
and seemed so far away

30 April 2012

I Don’t Remember

Forget
I don’t remember
ecstasy
the summer loves
and winter tragedies
softly spoken promises
and bitter recrimination
.
I don’t remember
you
any of you
partners in crimes
too sweet to resist
.
I don’t remember
wounds
carved by bloody lies
and broken promises
or the hand
that wielded the knife
.
I don’t remember
.

21 April 2012

Something’s Coming

Dreamer

Sshh,

Something’s coming…

Something’s coming

From a long way off

Bury your head

Plough a new furrow

Cultivate a little distance

From the past

.