older now but clearly no wiser I showed a little interest lapped it right up the cat that stole the cream but I won’t be neutered by sympathetic vibrations ‘no one fucks like that – unless they really mean it’ was that an accusation? was it a compliment? I showed a little interest for a moment you were everything but you murdered that moment when you put it under the microscope you murdered that moment and I’m over it now…
16 March 2024
15 February 2024
fraternity
after forty days and nights I’ve come in from the wilderness to make my bed where the wild things sleep naked and alone but I can bear the load coz in my story I am free but makes me so certain? what does freedom mean to me? well, I’m not free enough and I’m not satisfied where’s the peace of mind I was guaranteed when I cut the cords that bind? I cultivated a little space on the edge of society coz I’ve lost faith in people as they’ve lost track of me I’m something of a misanthrope it cannot be denied it was learn to love my neighbour or find a place to hide
18 January 2024
bittersweet
in the place where you are rooted as you are habitually static do you feel incomplete? is there hunger still in you? have you come very far, in the course of a lifetime? was the journey worthwhile, the way you remember? could you do with a bit more emotional warfare? are you finally done with me, now I’ve surrendered?
to tell you the truth
I saw it coming felt trouble gnawing deep in my entrails maybe that feeling tainted my
actions and I drew trouble to me with dread apprehension battling shadows like a child in the dark was I sowing the seeds of intent? did I walk a crooked path? all prophesy is self fulfilling it’s a law of nature even
I realise that
least said, soonest mended I’ll reserve my judgements for the early hours to reflect in a vacuum the role that I played in this latest
debacle I hold a fascination for the
patterns of disgrace and we were
both disgraced in this episode so I’ll
bury you now but I’ll mark the grave
for later I’m bound to return to the
scene of the crime
we all have needs
some more than others we do
what we have to in order to survive
with egos intact people get hurt and get hurt in the hurting some wounds heal some wounds fester some wounds are licked because we like the flavour there are bittersweet confections that linger in the heart
27 September 2020
memories
suddenly out of nowhere I just blurted you out but I’m
not ashamed
to recall your name do you remember mine? you liked the cut of my cliché and my ragamuffin
style I enjoyed your laughter and the
quickness of your mind I should have known you better but there
was just so little time
those moments are long gone but the
memories linger still there on the tip of my tongue this old
town was shabby news but the memories
are not the past beats on inside of
us like a shadow heart
memories
often sweeten over time that’s how we endure
the past but there’s no staying there we must move on because the past is dead and the future
lives most things are forgotten in time but there are some memories we can never consign to oblivion good or bad they
remain the touchstones of our lives
I recollect that
sorrowful scene on the railway platform
our apologetic smiles and the things we never said in the uneasy awkward silence that
marked our final moments together it was hard to say
goodbye yes I remember you you’re not easy to forget
13 September 2020
betrayal
it’s all a big mistake
you say but the big
mistake was mine I
never should have trusted you I don’t even trust myself I’ve shit on almost everyone
who ever trusted me and I usually told myself I was doing it for
love
it’s hard to tell who really
has your back some have it
just long enough to park a blade but I shouldn’t be
humiliated or angered by that betrayal is the inevitable
consequence of trust
I guess I can forgive but
I know I can’t forget we’re
still broken baby I think we murdered love the bed we shared is now a tomb the
faint edge of depression blurs
into constellations of hopelessness and the tentative hopes we
wound between our sheets flee
the scrutiny of daylight there’s nothing left to say so
I’ll just leave now before the sun arrives to
confiscate what little dignity is afforded us in our silence
11 September 2019
Animus
there may have been
some reason
for my wild elation
I think I had forgotten
to take my medication
I simply don’t remember
I try not to forget
but if there’s method
to my mania
I haven’t found it yet
and I was high
so very high
on the night we met
you made it easy for me
to cross the killing floor
you told me with some certainty
that we had met before
we coupled in a frenzy
we had a physical rapport
and shared the kind of passion
that left me wanting more
but your words were less than kind
and cut me to the core
you said you’d had enough of me
and showed me to the door
.
16 February 2019
Donut
for a while there
12 September 2018
Parade
I’m no knocker
no tattle tale
but I was at the front
of her big parade
remember me?
I was the arsehole
with the big bass drum
counting steps
and keeping time
with regimental
precision
.
everything was cushty
everything was sweet
until the rain
put the mockers
on her big day
there were tantrums
there were tears
she put on quite
a performance
and in all honesty
she preferred it that way
.
6 September 2018
Barley
this happy heart
will be the death
of poor me
I tilled the earth
then scattered
cancelling
my subscription
to the ever after
to carve myself
a solitary path
through golden
fields of barley
in the soft
summer rain
.
30 August 2018
Tragedian
Sally threatened suicide
she did from time to time
it was no cry for help
but a demand for servitude
I’d have given her anything
under any other terms
but she came as the victim
of numerous insoluble crimes
her eyes were always offended
they were tuned to disappointment
she said she’d turned a corner
on another dead-end street
.
I felt the momentum
of some terrible gravity
dragging at my entrails
hers was a brutal surgery
born of desperation
the decision was mine
my choices were limited
by narrowing circumstance
to a fight or flight scenario
so I reluctantly opted out
but I still have a pillow for her
if she ever feels the need
.
7 September 2017
To Dream As Gods Do
your suicide warden
garnished in chains
inspects your arsehole
where morning has fled
your pot hole eyes peering
through a lysergic purge
witness only the contents
of your dingy abode
which encapsulates the wearying
trinkets of monstrous dalliances
and licentious attacks
of falsified intentions
these are the things you’ll remember
during those lonely repasts
of quaaludes and hard liquor
green tea and ground glass
.
you learned to sleep in shallow latrines
on egyptian cotton and busted bed springs
gazing up at refracted reflections
in cracked ceiling mirrors
where decades of hope
disappeared in a murmur
to dissolve and fade like baby aspirin
.
your aged gigolos and mutant dandies
dopes on the ropes fighting losing battles
are smudged entries in last year’s diary
so your electric wire and phony smile
seemed like your last best defence
in a life grown cold
from hustling for change
and god knows you need a change
there’s one more hit left in the locker
so lay back and relax to dream as gods do
.
20 October 2015
The Other Foot
My insides churned; the chords of attraction were striking a dissonant note. My heart was beating out a tattoo against my ribs. The body has its own messenger service – the body knows instinctively. I watched her as she feigned abstract disinterest. Everything I had ever observed about lying was on display. I would know because I had been one of the biggest liars on earth. I knew then that she probably prided herself internally on her ability to pull the wool, but she really was a rank amateur.
5 March 2015
Fish n Chips
20 April 2014
Sixteen
3 December 2013
Ghosts
17 July 2013
Flowers
26 June 2013
Number Seven
23 May 2012
The Real You
I saw your face
contorted with rage
fierce green eyes
tinted with hate
it wasn’t so pretty
but I think I was seeing
the real you
it struck me as funny
I could not help laughing
you looked so small
and seemed so far away
30 April 2012
I Don’t Remember
I don’t remember
ecstasy
the summer loves
and winter tragedies
softly spoken promises
and bitter recrimination
.
I don’t remember
you
any of you
partners in crimes
too sweet to resist
.
I don’t remember
wounds
carved by bloody lies
and broken promises
or the hand
that wielded the knife
.
I don’t remember
.
21 April 2012
Something’s Coming
Sshh,
Something’s coming…
Something’s coming
From a long way off
Bury your head
Plough a new furrow
Cultivate a little distance
From the past
.