methuselah

age smothers  with daily cruelty       and I’m longing for peace     but not too much      I’ve been imagining my death      instead of sleeping  away my days      there’s blood in the bathroom    I’ve been  spurting out life from my commonplace heart       I don’t court it     I’d rather avoid it      but it finds me     unprepared and alone        I’ve studied the science     and I must surely die someday    but I just can’t see it     it isn’t really me     I’ve decided to live to die of boredom in another thousand years    I’ve been living for tomorrow all my sorry life       but living for the moment       might be worth a try     because I’m dying incrementally       one fear at a time       one day we’ll talk about immortality      but today let’s talk about death    and why it’s stalking me

road kill

it was hard to tell what it had been      just a pool of blood and gore    plastered to the side of the road    another failed crossing?     or perhaps a suicide?       success or failure    are often hard to divine      is that my destiny?      it seems pretty bleak    that’s the stuff I’m made of    animated flesh and bone     spilled and spoiled     all dreams and aspirations      flattened by a truck     

I’m stumbling from crisis to crisis      with no clear outcome in sight       but I’m not defined by my problems     I rise against the wind      and swim against the tide      I rail against my fate    I will not be denied through inertia     or assuaged by momentary pleasures      I refuse to be another sudden impact       I want to leave something more than a stain in the road behind           

narcissus

I am my own religion    selfish cruel and beautiful     all who touch me wither and die      I’m the cat who got the cream      and I cut up nice     when I’m nice    but a little self love can be a dangerous thing       I bit too deep from forbidden fruit      my love is a burden to me now     love without theatre is a sad device      you can sacrifice too much      and have little else to give     but love without sacrifice is simple theft       I stole with my tears    I owe myself for misplaced trust    

I’m too old now to care what others think     my opinion is the only one I count       no one is ever as clever as they think they are       but I’m always right      except when I’m wrong      and I turn up wrong more often than not         on a purely subjective level     I’m a bonny liar      I lie to myself      night after night       but I won’t be diluted      or poisoned     I won’t be validated by others    I’m my own worst enemy      and my own best friend       I’m my alpha    and omega        in the forever amen

 

icarus (grounded)

 not all birds winter in the south      some of us are flightless       moribund and exhausted       some of us are accidents        car crash victims      veterans of unhappy wars       long since wounded    and purple hearted       they say having flown      you’ll forever walk the street       with your eyes on the sky       for there you have been and long to return       not to reap or sow       but to soar without constraint         beyond imagination

I have wounds       hidden scars        but all my surfaces      such as they are       present spotlessly clean      at least to the naked eye     but I’m filthy         by decent human standards     and my wings of wax     drenched in lust        fucked up and sorry         have failed me        in the hour of my disillusionment      forever fixed in space     in the moment of crashing         I am leaden now       and planted in the soil of my woeful discontent     

plastic gods

more than sometimes      during a powerful lunar phase     I get the spiritual impulse     to make my own bible      and live by its verses     to blow my own trumpet       till the walls come tumbling down      I am alive and always changing      the crown of creation adorns my brow     I’m truly living the human experience     the high of all highs     the most holy of holies     the revelation of incarnation    has lit me up     a beacon of truth      in the fog of ignorance

I’m getting into the world     and everything in it      riding the waves of existence    through the ever expanding now      where  everything ever imagined is real      we create ourselves from that mosaic of fancy      but we’ve evolved into plastic gods     makers and breakers of private worlds      each is imperfectly cast in their own distorted image   we are the graven idols in the temples of babylon    the worship of self is the religion of hubris     and hubris precedes disgrace     sure as the ebb and flow of every lunar phase

solipsist

it was written in the stars       that we were doomed from day one     life has called the tune and beckons us to dance     the universe will unfold as we always knew it would      no one can change the past        we can’t even change the future       I curry favours in the here and now       planting seeds in adjacent lots    I glimmed for a moment there    and exercised the will      to fancy myself something special        at the centre of the whole enchilada       but I was lonely in the universal    and  I wondered     has our god deserted us?       or were we always all alone?

autumn leaves

buried under autumn leaves      the shadows of summer feed the soil     winter did not cheat them of life    it laid them down in silent pastures     to gift them rebirth in future days     I am wounded now    at least in spirit     I don’t know how or why    the winter has kissed my lips      the cold has touched my heart    but I still know how to love      and I’ll be coming back     so bury me in rotting leaves     rest me now for future days     just don’t lose my number     lover wait for me

 

sexual magnetism

 I still taste you      after all this time      you have a hold on me     I don’t seem to mind     it was all about sex      and sex is power     we shared an energy    sexual magnetism      I don’t remember the question     but sex was the answer      you knew that of me       you saw me coming      from a long way off       just another man     who would never control you       and I was hurt      I was paralysed     I felt helpless      that’s not attractive    in anyone’s eyes     we are all sexual creatures   and in a perfect world      we could fuck without consequence       but it’s not a perfect world        you were flawed      and so was I     the passion seemed intense       was it all in my mind?      do you remember me fondly?     or was I too unkind?

sacred

 

the morning dawns cool and still       and sings softly like distant hymnals    sunday holds some sacred place in memory      just as you are a sacred place right now     you are the sabbath      and the deepest truth of incarnation        is that all life is sacred        all days are holy      and all people divine       hold this sparkling jewel      against a clear blue sky     and it shines on six billion miracles      touch the pulse of the living earth      and become one with time and space    you are the whole world       an extract of the stars      you can reclaim the sacred for your own     live as if you were poetry     this is your church  eternal     right here in your heart

winterland

 your nights are getting slender       as darkness envelopes you     better drag yourself together      you’re stretched out pretty thin     you feel so empty  inside   but what does that signify?      there are years that beg the question      days that reply in kind     you’ve been loading up the blues      better cut yourself some slack      you’re only human after all      you’re trading up again    bigger problems for harder times     you’ve weaponised your love      but you feel no safer      this is the winter of your soul       and you’re tired and getting old      but you can’t return home      you’ve been left out in the cold

 

heretic prophet

 silence is the ultimate heresy – only silence speaks to the soul

there are no holy books       no sacred words of god      but there is knowledge     and knowledge is power    you are here to provide the universe with meaning       so says the heretic prophet      and he’s the one should know       organised religion is a tool of oppression      so let your inner peace      lighten that burden     the mind has its own geometry       and can make heaven of hell     and hell of heaven    your prayers are just a longing in your soul     but there’s no specific combination      will bend the world to your will      so become as nothing       to feel everything      better to have no words       than speak falsehoods      remember god has no religion       and heaven is a state of being       no words can take you there        because the truth is inviolable       and forever remains unspoken     

argus

there’s a killer in my bed         murderer of sleep        he will not take his rest         until he has slain all my dreams      my own worst enemy      stalks between my sheets       darkness softens the edges of the world     the universe expands      my mind dilates too       the day begins at midnight      and I begin with it      maybe I sleep when I’m not looking        but I am looking now       and I can’t sleep for thinking       how many times have I written these words?        how many ships have I knowingly scuppered?        my oasis of calm     is becoming a nightmare        but I wander on       enslaved by the night        hold me close now         bring me some comfort       kiss both my eyes       send me some sleep     out in the dark there are people drowning      their stars burn too bright      to bring them any peace    I’m pounding out words      as if they were lifeboats      god save our souls       we’re in this too deep