crazy

 

the god we made is crazy      but everybody’s  crazy     you have to be fucking crazy    to live in this crazy world

I’m not the first to realize  that I’m a little crazy      my doctors say it’s normal      given the circumstances     they said a little poison would cure me of my ills     so they dosed me up on lithium        and locked me up in a hospital      until I learned to play nice

and you dear reader      do you recognize your madness?     do you let it shine before you?      or does it drag you down?      the symptoms after all     are part of human nature    so embrace your inner lunatic    and give your madness life    

 

God

 

what a colossal idea

a truly fantastic hoax

he wasn’t in the sky

he was in my living room

the god of magic mushrooms

the god of revelations

the sign of my ordeal

I bargained for salvation

he crushed me with his love

the god I had in mind

answered my foolish prayer

he give me a shot at redemption

who could want for more?

salvage

 

don’t you miss it?      the speedballs and reefer?    the fantastic highs?     the tragic lows?     no, I managed to keep  my shape     but it was an accident    I came out whole   as something less than holy    I defied the world and it crushed me      I’m stuck in my shotgun shack    my bindings are undone      I’m hardly worth the salvage    from the scrapyard of my mind

heavy (death song #3)

 

when I was crushed by the world        others were crushed by me       you couldn’t call it fair       but I would come down heavy       on whoever was around me       wherever I happened to be    …when I was a monster    I had a tune in my head       I called it my death song      I couldn’t switch it off     it nearly drove me mad        but when I came down heavy      that song was all I had

took a bite…

 

I’m in a hurry     I’m always in a hurry    I want my pudding     I want my pudding now      I need instant gratification      and a billion dollar high          I’ve got the hunger something chronic      I took a bite out of the world     I nearly swallowed it whole     it tasted so damn good     and now I want some more

Valor

 

She claimed to be a friend

I had no reason to doubt her

She said she knew where I lived      

and where my secrets were buried

She knew the best time to kick a man

is when he’s on the ground.

It seemed a friendly encounter

until she showed her hand.

She said, “You wear your illness like a badge.”

I replied, “No, you’re wrong, I wear it like a medal.”

She said, “You seem inordinately proud.”

I said, “Because I’ve won a thousand battles.”

She said, “Those battles were only in your mind…”

I replied, “Those are the battles that are hardest to fight.”

incognito

 

I identify as human      but ’ll admit to bogus credentials     mine is an assumed identity     I’m really not the man that I appear to be      my history is fiction      I lack a legitimate story     on which to  base a life

my whole façade is plastic     it takes on many forms      it conceals some dreadful truths       I do my best to hide       I’m a divided man      with all the heartache that implies     there are  wars I wage in secret        that cannot be described

seek out the devil

 

I turned over a new leaf     it looks the same as the old leaf     I think perhaps I’m living the only life I can     I tell you folks I’m trying       but it isn’t going well      I reckon I’d be a better man     if I wasn’t so fucking poor     I tried so hard to be good     but I didn’t have it in me      so I keep to myself     it’s simpler that way        

I’m not a complete arsehole     I’m still  able to feel     I suffer little children      their hungry mouths to feed     but somehow I feel impoverished    I’m talking financially     coz it’s money that people worship in this society         well, I’d rather seek out the devil     and keep my conscience clean     than participate in a religion    so inhuman and obscene    

promiscuous

 

back in the flower of manhood     I thrilled to a strangers touch       I was easily aroused     a look could be enough     fidelity did not appeal to me       it could only get in the way       I’ve been called a dirty dog     but I’m a dog whose had his day     

I don’t miss the one night stands       it’s cruel and selfish game      I was lost in promiscuous regions      I loved to screw around   the wicked require love too      and they’re so much better at it    they say experience counts    I couldn’t possibly comment      

meanwhile; back in my gymnasium    we coupled in the dance of shame     and with satiated lust   the cycle began again   there was little purpose to it    but it was too delicious to refuse     the Saturday night excitement     the Sunday morning blues     

catastrophic

 

I don’t think I’m dishonest      I only told one lie    I told it with conviction    I told it many times    they tell me I was wicked       for doing as I liked    but everything is permissible       if  you’re prepared to pay the price

all things are basically cool      until of course they’re not      I sometimes had to detonate my nuclear device      the power that moves my heart      is pounding out new stars      my love is catastrophic     it could tear the world apart

everything I did      I did in the name of love     I would not go without      I was an emotional junkie whore     with a gaping hole     at the centre of my soul     all my days I hungered      afraid to be alone     I wasn’t the only one     I had accomplices      but I’m the one they fingered     the one who took the blame

lunatic soul

 

I flashback on a doomed trajectory     having survived alone    in the kingdom of ghouls     my bad blood had caused a derangement     I thought I had died and gone to hell       I found myself in unfamiliar surroundings      harvesting dreams that tasted of tears     I was trapped in a hospital that felt like a prison     praying that someone would answer my prayers      I made it home but the margins were slender     I’m still in the thrall of that living nightmare     my mask has slipped to reveal my defects      I look like I'm healed    but I'm not really there

treatment

 

it was bad news all round     I’d been punished for my crimes      they put me in the hospital     to sanitize my mind    it felt like I’d been damned    condemned to a living hell      it altered my reality      though no one else could tell    it was a sorrowful dark experience     as ugly as it gets     I’m so I’m grateful for the treatment        but I haven’t recovered yet …

Pagliacci

 

I have played the clown     most of my adult life      my humour concealed my pain     though sometimes I would weep    when laughter let me down     I’ve been careful with my mask      it’s been no mask at all     I’ve been up     I’ve been down     my heart has done the rounds      but I learned through indiscretion      to never wear a frown     I’m not a clever man     but I do the best I can     I’m told god grants fools wisdom        when there’s no one else around

wonderful

 

the people I have known    the places I have been    I’d bring them all back tomorrow     to do it all again    I’d gorge myself on life     without the burden of shame     the sex     the drugs    the rock n roll      I’d grasp without restraint    because the first time was a trip    and it was wonderful      so given the opportunity     I’d relive it all once more    

deep and wide

 

see them circle?       they scent blood     people are like sharks       some more than others      those are the ravenous souls      always on the prowl       reflexive killers     without a trace of conscience        and just like fucking sharks     if they stop moving – they suffocate   

you need some gimmick    if you want to eat       four walls and a TV    to keep you off the street    you need a home      you need a wife      you need the things that make a life    but this can prove a burden      things can drag you down      other men have found this      some of them have drowned

perhaps the sharks feasted      on those forgotten heroes     but I’m not here for souvenirs     so I’ll kick on regardless     cold blooded killers     make unpredictable companions     the ocean here is deep and wide      its denizens are fearless     so I learned to dart and weave and dive     I glide just like a dolphin    that’s how I managed to remain alive      where better men have fallen

 

author, author

 

I don’t just do this for fun     I do it because I ran out of options     I know I don’t write that well       but I’m ready to bleed across your screen     or pull my knickers down     expose my arse to the world    I’m speaking metaphorically     of course      coz I’m taking a hit - that feels just like a kiss…    when I wrote that down    I felt a little high      I don’t know what you’d call that    and I don’t really care       there’s nothing written here        that can’t later be denied

I am the resurrection

 

I’d been rubbed out   cancelled from existence      stretched beyond endurance      and consigned to rot in hell      but when I received my discharge papers   on that glorious sun drenched morning     I was released from an unforgiving nightmare    I’d found victory   pinioned to the cross      I returned to the beauty I have always known     I am clean    I am redeemed      I am love

fools

 

you get born    you go to school     you get a job    they give you a number    you become a player in the adult word     well, that’s what they expect       but I don’t want to be a player       in this crazy fucked up world     where the wealthy engineer consensus     to keep us in our place   

they say you can’t  buck the system     that there is no other way      you must labour all your life     until one day you die     your reward is pending    in the afterlife    but I reclaimed my mind      I’m breaking all their rules    I won’t obey a system      that treats us like bloody fools

thief

 

I was always a blunt instrument     but I’ve been honed to perfection     I couldn’t be more me if I tried    I know who I am    and I know what I like    I love the light because I’m alive      but I love the dark  because I’m a thief      

I’ve been many things      to many people      but I’ve always been true to myself       I’ve stolen from giants      I’ve stolen from paupers      I’ve stolen from every creature that walked or crawled beneath the sun      but I never robbed anyone who didn’t ask for it    

truthfully  I was never one for deceptions       I’m honest enough with myself      it’s true I may have fabricated some facts  to fit the situation    I forged my own credentials    because I  travelled  incognito      above and beyond the law

 

through the eyes of love

 

is your heart a haunted house?    do you stalk these streets of shame?     here you are - without a friend       your memories choke your dreams       are you really all alone?     have others judged you harshly?     do you know what you’ve done wrong?       can you name the crimes that you committed to feed your twisted and selfish love?

I hate to kick a man when he’s down     but I might not get another chance       you are the victim of your own choices      so, what do you want to know?      or what do you want to hear?      yes, you may have gotten a raw deal      but the sun will come out tomorrow      and you shall be redeemed    blessed through  the eyes of love        it might be less than you hoped for       but it’s more than you deserve