rekindled

I toil both day and night      to mend my broken promises      and sort out a world    that I care to live in     I’m just trying to survive     the best I know how        but sometimes I break down      when reason deserts me        and fear bangs my drum         coz I know where dreams go to die       and where their bones  are buried        I tell you there are burdens I bear        that no one else can imagine     but there’s no end to suffering       when your world falls apart

don’t dig me up      I can manage    just let me be     I’m dead to your eyes     dead to the world     hope springs eternal     in the mouths of fools     but there’s no misery in this world       that lacks an author      pious would be friends    tried to murder my imagination     their wicked tongues spinning delicious lies      but I am immune such confections     coz I’m a human being     with the power of love in me       and I take comfort from that    

 

 

auld nick

 way back in the bygone         when  I first came of age      auld nick himself appeared to me    and this is what he said;

“son, you’re a natural man,  but you ain’t the only one      show the world its shame     do it for humanity     do it for your mum      just don’t use my name      they’ve been bitchin’ about the world they made     and  they think that I’m to blame     for their mistakes”

people say I’m bad      or at the very least mad    I don’t care what people say      I’m gonna tell them anyway     we are all of us devils       we made this world a hell       this life is meant for loving     and the auld nick might make us dance     but he cannot make us love…

they say pride is the first sin      but pride is all some folk have      and if this is truly hell     surely auld nick knows the way out     come to him at your leisure     or simply wait for him here       for god alone loves us       but auld nick attends       as if he were a friend

I asked nick what time it was      he answered “how much do you want?”   he promised  he’d give me all there is         if I could look him in the eye      and tell him that I’m innocent     I’ve never seen my father’s face      but I suffer auld nick’s every day       if I could only feel my fathers grace      surely auld nick would go away

 

 

the meat man cometh

are you made from love?    can you scent that scene?      do you hear that music?     that’s fucking music     pure rock n roll     the most natural idiom     in which to shed your inhibitions      the meat man cometh       low and slow     talking in tongues       winding sexual vibrations     with his seductive rhythms       and mystic copulations    

he only comes around       to get your business fixed      he’s the trouble in your loins     the gyration in your hips        best get some while you can     it just might be the last      of the only magic left       so don’t you button down     get your knickers off      coz when the meat man comes visiting        he has little time for coquetry       but time enough for love

lost

 the crudely crafted shank    of childish design     still cleaves your heart    and lacerates your mind         there is no shape to thought or moment      there’s no pleasurable release      or pyrrhic prize to salve your wounds     yours are the days of infected sharps       and twisted spoons     you know that you’ll succumb       despite your better self     and later assert that you went home      before the band lit up your favourite tune       temptation reeks of self deception        one more solid hit     and you’ll find the door      you lost yourself to dime bag reasoning      and sold your love for a winning smile       life goes on     you will survive     truth be told     you don’t really care     and I don’t seem to mind

disingenuous

liar liar  your tongue’s on fire       your criminal expulsion    didn’t sweeten the medicine     it  merely printed a shadow on my membrane      but I’ve gone all forensic      with finely tuned instruments      I know exactly where the wind is blowing      your eyes led me to certain conclusions       they’re a mirror to the truth     so I know that you were lying    are your words narcotic?       do they ease a troubled mind?       do you take me for a chump?    or is that mendacious mouth of yours just something to hide behind?

eternal night

the terrible sun      remorseless and bright     burns our parchment skin     and drinks our rivers dry      gonna be another scorcher      gimme a slug of your bug juice     help me close my mind    I eschew the day      renounce the light      to seek the company of strangers      in the dead of night  

I was not born to darkness     I just gravitated towards it    a moth to an invisible flame    night cradles me in its arms     just as it cloaks the trembling stars      night will not surrender me    and I am glad of it     I love the silent hours      and savour my isolation         it’s as close as I get to being free

these are the days of mass migration       proxy wars     and famine     I’m a hidden being        obscured by darkness      but we must shine like those fading stars      for whatever time is left us      before the total eclipse of all humankind          and the tender blessings of eternal night

monstrous

it’s a long standing paradox     that he who resists monsters     becomes a monster too     it’s monstrous to be innocent      in this monstrous world       but no one is ever innocent     as far as god’s concerned      this is a frankenstein constituency      where monsters and angels        sing from the same song sheet     was that one of god’s mistakes?       or maybe he was one of ours      is heaven full of monsters?      what if god himself is a monster?       and everything we think we know       is one great monstrous lie?

dark circle

 time is a dark circle     void of human purpose     the future is behind us      but we are indifferent      to the ebb and flow of circumstance    time brokers no change      just endless repetition      time doesn’t cradle us       time is crushing us     time marches over us    with no intent at all    

time is a dark circle     blind and remorseless    the killer of galaxies    the harvester of souls     but time is still precious    so we must spend it wisely      for life is fleeting      and rounded by darkness     so waste no more time    seize the day gladly       because the hours will fly by       while we’re standing still

 

memories

 you touched me where I ached      and took away the hurt     we were light and shade      and created the moon and stars       from our tangled sheets      with hungry groins and mouths        our sex was existential     every moment     every touch     conquered death     our cups were overflowing    with raw orgasmic love     we were naked and newly born     washed clean by the rain     completely unashamed

you are the one dream my lonely soul desires        my first and last taste of immortality        do you think of me that way?       do you celebrate our memory?       they say the richness of our lives      lies in our memories      you were the lyric to my melody       and I care to remember  words I dare not speak      for love has just begun      and we two are as one        in the kingdom of my memories

 

special delivery

I’m unloading another consignment        of hard luck and therapeutic chemicals       I require further instruction        on how to get my business fixed       I fear myself in these dark hours      suicidal ideation  is a singular ideology    can you sympathise?     tell me you can sympathise…    

rain drops pitter patter       on my naked skull       some call it torture        others call it rehabilitation     there’s a health service plan     to gather my stones       and give me a pounding      but I won’t be compliant     with the violence that breeds conformity       

they say I’m bad      or at the very least mad     but it’s my life     I won’t let them shape it      won’t let them squash me     with their power trips  and lies     the whole world is singing the same dismal hymnal     the melody’s familiar     but the words need revised     

just stay away from me        my hurt is contagious     I’ve been devoured by my sickness        they’re saying I’m crazy         but I’m just impoverished    and that’s too bad       but it’s no big deal     so don’t bring me down with your suburban mores    I’ve lived outside convention   most of my life      

 

 

 

manic

hear this?   I spark to this tune      I love this tune     I love everything     do you feel that energy?     I feed off that energy      my friend told me she’d swallowed lightning      I know that feeling      I’m loaded with electro-ecstatic potential        everything    every-fucking-thing     speaks to me      every sight and sound     drips heavy with significance      all of it combines and coalesces into the shape of man reborn   mother nature’s son    this world is pure euphoriant      I’m operating at impossible altitudes    steering by cosmic intuition    I’m a silver arc of flight  in the stratospheric blue

but on the flip side    and there’s always a flip side    there are terrible days lurking in ambush    days of rabid desperation    where callous motivations tug at my loins    when violent energy pulses through my sleepless nights     and a carnival of monsters fester in my mind      there are thoughts I keep to myself     thoughts I dare share with no one else      they would only paint me red     but that’s the curse that keeps on giving    I am become a beast    my face has turned to stone    I died an unnatural death   many times ago    but there’s no peace for the wretched      no place for hope in hell    

crazy

this soul is at odds with the world     because the world is phony     and so am I  but at least I know      the world is still asleep     madness is the only freedom left me   madness can be intoxicating     and illuminating      I was touched by lightning  when I was young      and took on my shoulders    the madness of the world        reason had betrayed me    but I saw clearly      that all life is a dream      and we are all just dreamers     wrapped up in our dreams   

everybody is crazy       it takes a madman to know that     because wisdom is madness unchained     everything we do is crazy    conflict is crazy     and hatred is crazy    and love is crazy too     all passion leads to madness      its darkness smothers millions      with a blanket of anguish and despair     the most beautiful things are born of madmen    and the most terrible    they concentrated evil and put it into bombs     they drop them on people     in the name of love and peace     if that’s not fucking crazy     I don’t know just what is