Monster (Reanimated)

 

another merciless dawn has fused my metaphoricals and shrunk my knackers for the specimen jar labelled ‘P S Y C I A T R I C’         I cast a pretty thin shadow in the every now and then      but that’s my modus operandi       wax and wane    ebb and flow     it’s all snakes and ladders in my playground

 

unscheduled hallucinations     and psychotic interludes plagued my formative years      and shaped my final destination      my beat bastard subscription has lapsed and just I wish I could lie down        take a fucking telling     I’m so tired right now       I could drag the world with me through dark corridors to the great panopticon           where elastic promises and suicidal compacts are made by strange bedfellows       there are no casual acquaintances in solitary confinement

the girl on the bed had a question       an unkind and supercilious question      but her query resonated in the psychotic regions of a bleached mind      and sounded an echo in memory       something about my missing soul

“What kind of monster are you?”

I suspected it was more a rhetorical device than a question     so I ignored it     but later I got to thinking        what kind of monster am I?       I’m a blind monster or I would have seen her coming        I’m a deaf monster         or I would have heard her lies         I’m a mute monster      because I said nothing       I’m a numb monster because I felt even less      she was one gift horse      I should have given the full dental     those sceptic teeth made ribbons of ambition      I have little time for those awkward manoeuvres        imposed by some milquetoast Mussolini       I have an agenda sublime to accommodate      we each must follow the mandate of our own hearts       I take solace in the fact that I may be a monster       but I’m closer to heaven than hell

 

 

Death Songs

I’m awake

I get your algebraic

you talk in tongues

a greasy word salad

of butchered truths

and fantastic remedies

that signify your filth

and lack of imagination

just another outrigger

of the one big lie

you are totally artificial

and your computations

always add up to zero

we were all witnesses

to your empty promise

that we’d stand together

when game got rough

but where were you

when we were singing

our death songs?

Trojan Horses

the origins of chaos

lay far beyond the stars

and issue wicked messengers

who ride on trojan horses

as minions of the beast

to visit hell upon us

and render us as meat

these forces of entropy

amplify our fears

and wash our orphan faces

with soft and bitter tears

Pariah

daily bulletins

solemn in tone

spoon fed the public

in their private cells

they spoke of unity

and pulling together

they were organising

punishment squads

for the less enthusiastic

that’s how it begins

with a consensus

forged in fear

in a crueller world

we indulge in the

animal satisfaction

of stolen meat

and take succour

in bitter news

from next door

I’m getting shady looks

from the boys in blue

they know a viral load

when they see one

I always kept to myself

I guess I deviated

from the herd immune

I’m a marked man

at risk and alone

Passover

are we just bunkered up

beside our television sets

quarantined in our tombs?

are we but maggot food

served on viral platters?

we don’t have to go anywhere

this microbial apocalypse

will be delivered to ours doors

just like Moses did of old

I hear no wailing in the night

the streets are oppressed

in quiet apprehension

as the world settles into sleep

to dream perhaps eternally

not everyone shall see morning

some shall be taken in the night

and we shall mourn them

in the grey and silent dawn

2020

we put all our eggs

in a single basket

and cast our lot

with the viral load

but there’s nowhere

to run in the great pandemic

nothing to do but hunker low

some say we’re judged by God

or that nature has rejected us

we sift for patterns

in the random chaos

and set to sea in thin rafts

woven together by promises

launched onto turbulent waters

more in hope than expectation

Positive

poor boy’s all fucked up

he has a runny nose

he got hit in the face

with a horseshoe bat

but went undiagnosed

they called for isolation

but he was last to know

he only picks up static

on his clockwork radio

the devil stole his breath

but no one gave a shit

until they’d tasted death

and everyone was sick

Death Deifier

I dragged

the low end

until I found

the hard edge

that’s how come

I lived for so long

sure, I’ve had

copious licks

on the sugar stick

since then

but I still know

where the heat

is stashed

and I’ll dig mine

before I dig yours

you’ll see them both

and appreciate

the signified

before I fill yours in

Enough

the beasts that till your poisoned soil

carve patterns in your furrowed brow

that signify the burdens borne

in the silence of your tortured nights

and the futility of your empty days

now you sup from a bitter cup

while reciting your litanies of spite

of love’s bloody negotiations

and the terrible price you paid

for such slight return

your sadness tastes like ashes

you have told yourself you’ve had enough.

Scars

there was a moment

when we could

have been friends

then she stared at me

she saw the scars

then they were all

that she could see

those are the

shameful reminders

of the boy I used to be

I have moved on since

my wounds have healed

but the scars remain

for everyone to see

Existential Crisis # 57i

this place

burns me out

with wearisome

repetition

its suburban cliché

weighs heavy

on my doldrums

and I’m drowning

in an ocean

of sundays

I’ve gone native

in the great nocturnal

I’m flying solo

from now on

I better bail out

before I’m found out

I have deviated

from the pattern

of the flock

those dopes

are sheparded

by wolves

they are helpless

and enthralled

their decline

commenced sooner

than anticipated

they had assumed

they’d be given

more time

.

In Silence

I tried to buy my way out

negotiate a new deal

I’d been bouncing cheques again

but it was either that, or steal

I’d had enough

I was all tapped out

I had nothing left to give

of that there was no doubt

all the ghosts of yesteryear

were gnawing on my bones

I attempted new directions

but they had me by the stones

I had to cull the innocents

they were getting on my tits

a killer needs no reminding

of the crimes that he commits

I’d been heavy laden

and running low on luck

they told me it was karma

but no I longer gave a fuck

all my gods where slain

by my legions of petty tyrants

but I had to take the blame

and bear that shame in silence

Sharks

I moved in short term

with the rhythm section

of the collection crew

I got no musical vibrations

but with a beak full of sugar

I’m a fucking metronome

relentless and industrious

regular as clockwork

and thorough in my executions

finesse was not required

they only wanted a bagman

to carry their bad news

I chow down good

I always clear my plate

‘cause you never know

just when you’ll be without

working with the collection crew

you see all kinds of mistakes

and how they can accumulate

but I’m all dummied up

and completely confidential

when it comes to individual cases

you slot your secrets in your pants

they might pay dividends one day

we are the shape of the real

your terminal destination

and we lay the hard edge

to your unspecified nightmares

those inchoate fears of yours

originate in our kitchen

where we cook up solutions

to your specific problems

and collect the promissory notes

you issued in your ignorance

we are the remedy to ambition

the murderers of dreams

.

Blood Oath

I’m the catalyst of chaos

I’ve passed the edge of reason

and have my monster rolling

from dusk til dawn and back again

for I have banished sleep

there’s no place to lay my head

and no comfort in my bed

I have a system wide vexation

between them winding sheets

I’m the prince of petty tyrants

the harbinger of death

I shall not be dissuaded

I swore upon my dagger

that I’d have my pound of flesh

I vow upon my blood

and vouch it with my life

my mind is firmly set

and I cannot let it rest

I’m the locus of despite

the calculus of treason

I have laid my bloody plans

and keep my killing stones

sharpened and in reach

there’s nothing you can do

to escape your sorry fate

I’m going to get to you

no matter what it takes

I’m the demon in your nightmare

the villain of the piece

I already dug our graves

for I made a bloody pact

and cannot be released

and when this war is over

I still shall not know peace

I’m hostage to my savagery

and a servant of the beast

The Ninth Life

on the journey back

from the crematorium

silent and heavy hearted

I saw a dead cat in the road

its ninth life had been dashed

on the black tar macadam

it looked like it was sleeping

but I knew that it was broken

and was never going home

they say cats have nine lives

while men have only one

yet a man can die

a thousand deaths

before his days are done

.

Once Bitten

we were enslaved

by your petty regulations

once bitten

twice shy

was a callous methodology

simply operant conditioning

with a practised brutal flourish

spare the rod and spoil the brat

was the dullard ideology

visited on your youth and mine

I saw the dust behind your eyes

you were old beyond your years

something inside you

had already died

every mother’s child

has a thousand teachers

and I was an early receiver

of your twisted ideation

tuned to your negative acuity

I learned to tread lightly

whenever you were around

Orpheus

you are not Orpheus

you can save no-one

you are not Christ

you shall not rise again

everybody dies

there are no exceptions

you can’t cheat death

we must live with that

once you’re gone

you can’t come back

it’s a law of nature

you can’t fight it

loss is the price we pay

for the love we share

everybody dies

and that knowledge

costs us dear

* image: Hades and Persephone listen to Orpheus’ song in the Underworld.

5132: H. Bissen, 1798 – 1868.

Machiavellian

it’s the strangers you know

that generate the most heat

those that have your confidence

are the most likely to betray you

you held my gaze a little too long

I suspect you’ve made a bad call

the arsehole of humanity

is a regular garden of eden

for the hungry devotees

of the cockroach god

go give your face a wash

you have blood on your chin

rearrange your killing stones

we’re in for heavy weather

you pledged your solidarity

with a murderous mechanism

you tried to steal my name

so you could write it in the gutter

.

Mob

they’re out to get me

the gossip mongers

and their lynching crew

I killed two birds

with only one stone

they called me sorcerer

I said I was just lucky

they said I was too lucky

and pointed to my women

they said I’d cast a spell

to bind them to me

and that I was father

to every bastard child

in their bastard town

I said I wished I was

for then I’d have an army

to always stand right by me

because I could not deny

my own flesh and blood

and they would know

their father’s love

instead of the hatred

of the rumour peddlers

and the vicious mob

.

A Thousand Suns

back in the day

we had idiot sanctuaries

moored offshore

on the emerald ocean

where fat cats

would call the shots

for the man

who called the shots

before the last nations fell

the top banana

sat on a gilded throne

while continental flunkies

manned his 24 hour hotline

he had a legal mandate

to commit the perfect crime

no-one ever saw him coming

but everybody knew

from his bloody footprints

exactly where he had been

he was the master of ceremonies

for the great false dawn

they say that it shone brighter

than a thousand suns

.