erased

I no longer participate     I only observe       I’m a changed man        since my last trip to the funny farm      did they tamper with my mind?    did they erase essential memories?     I wouldn’t know     would I?       if I’d been shot full of holes       by medic pistoleros     with their snake oil medications    and heavy metal therapy      I can’t say just how     but I tell you I’m changed      subtly diminished    I stand in the shadow    of my former illusions       who I am now     I just can’t recall     

punk

 in the pageantry of youth      I mixed my own colours     in iconoclastic fashion        and I’d be the boy to smash things up        but I was in it for the long con      softly softly catchee monkey        patience gains the day    I made busy doing nothing    or something close to nothing     of course if they catch you doing nothing      they pack you off to the job centre     for a heavy dose of conformity     I can’t complain      not out in the open     maybe if I’d been a bad boy…    but I was too lazy for a life of crime    I just wanted to lay in bed all day    exercising my autonomy      standing on my rights     subverting authority     withholding my labour from the babylon economy

outré noir

it’s ten seconds to midnight     on my doomsday clock    it’s time to kill     but not for kicks      it’s time to kill      to get things fixed      I was afraid   I had to hide     I crawled into a bottle      where something dark and lethal lurked     an ocean of bastard monsters    blossomed in my heart    see, that’s how darkness wins    it’s trapped in the core of our being      hidden but obvious

rage

I fucked up     there’s no denying it     I lost it for a moment       and I’m sorry now     did you ever get the rage?      do you ever harbour savage intentions?     I know what it’s like       when I get blood in my eyes     I won’t quit until I’ve made a complete cunt of myself       I have to get a handle     on my anger     that’s easy to say from where I live      in the kingdom of crazy

I’m not a bad man      but he had it coming      we all have it coming sometime     you know I was never in his gang      we were opposite poles     in the old neighbourhood     fear binds the herd      but I’m not of the herd     I’m on the fucking moon      here I rant    and rave   and rend       when you push the right buttons fear turns to rage      mister, I need a drink     I’m on fire      my blood is red hot     don’t come near the fallout zone    I’m full of violent potential      coming to the boil

 

psalm

we shall be as chaff     before the earth gives way    our tears shall run dry    before the oceans do    the world will still turn    without our pushing      life will go on as before    no great change    will mark our passing     the pain of the world    shall not end    with our departing      but shall go on long after      we have ceased caring

 

snuffed

they say the fear of death       stems from the fear of life      I don’t know about that     but the knowledge of death      gnaws at my heart       drugs don’t help       prayer don’t help     crying don’t help     nothing helps      nothing blunts the sharp edge of reality      somebody walked over my grave       it might have been me       there have been omens       deep in my gut     something bad is coming       something with no name

no-one knows just when the axe will fall       or what will follow     when I’m sacrificed to eternity      will flowers sprout from my rotting corpse?        will I be in them?     is that my immortality?     I want to die beautifully    gracefully      but I’m afraid     does it hurt to die?      will I go to hell?      or will I return in another guise?      it’s autumn now      the nights are drawing in     will this be the winter of my life?      will I see the sun again?

we are the apocalypse

after the light   the darkness spreads    it’s growing colder now     from the ocean’s edge    there comes a ripple and a sigh    the world is hushed    no clamour of humanity    no birdsong    just the cruel wind    stirring the dust   all living things are silenced     the war is over     we are the apocalypse     and we have arrived     

say uncle

 it’s in the nature of things      that I sometimes drag the low end     but I have to go with the flow      ride the waves of life   and if I fall behind   I must swim harder   hold fast to my dreams    coz if I gave up my dreams       what would I have left?   I can’t resign in protest      that would be defeat   another little death     what good is a life     that consists of a series of little deaths?

it’s a question of mindset    I say yes to the moment     capitulate with reality    let it work for me       not against me       at some point in my life     I learned to surrender to my path     it’s was a process of abandonment      not control     joy lies in learning to embrace the world as it is    so I yield to the tides    even when they break my heart   but I’m not drowning    I’m floating    waiting for the next great wave      to carry me away

 

if my people were called by name

once upon a weekend     I’d like to get fucked up     with all my fucked up people     have them come over    for a totally fucked up party    deeper still    I need a positive connection     coz I’ve been in unhealthy situations     on more than one occasion   my people kept me straight    at least they tried to keep me straight   coz I don’t always listen     and that’s as it should be     for an independent man

we are judged by the company we keep    my people may seem shady     maybe even a little crazy    but I can vouch for their credentials     they have my back     and they’re alright by me   naturally our appearance     is luridly discussed    by ornery screwfaces with bovine brain pans    I don’t care what they say   my people are heaven      my people are heaven on a saturday night

aphrodite says

there is no god but love   all other gods are false  those wrathful and  judgemental gods   are only demons of our own design      we are motivated by fear     to fashion jealous gods in our own image       our superstitious hearts have made a pact with evil     to sacrifice our peace      for the sake of hatred and avarice    but love makes no demands at all     because there is love in every human heart     surrender yourself to love      your faith will surely follow love is heaven    an estate of the heart      it’s all we ever wanted    it’s all we really need   we live in the orbit of love    from the cradle  to the grave      we are never alone     we are never without love      it’s our natural state     we are meant to walk in the light of love

 

fear

 fear is the prime motivator     the key to our closet      everyone has the fear on     it’s our natural state      it’s all we’ve ever known     fear is the killer       the raw enemy       fear cuts like a knife     into the root     into the soul        fear is the teacher of bitter lessons        fear will make you foolish      fear will make you wise       everything you fear    you draw to you      that’s the power of intent    the true nature of human calculation

everyone is afraid of something        and that fear is loss      loss of face       loss of love     loss of life      we are ever in the shadow of our fear       but that’s only natural      our fear is the harbinger of terrible things       fear is the worm       that feasts on our minds      fear will be your master     all the days of your life       unless you learn to accept loss      and face the inevitable       you are not long for this world      and neither is anyone else

bonfire

 you keep heaping up grievances       don’t you love me no more?      I try not to be offended     there’s no point to it      no one pulls my strings      I already cut them     I didn’t ask to be you       and I won’t dance to that tune      the sun speaks my name     I don’t need love letters       I feel her warmth when I touch the sky      but I don’t feel yours        not in the flesh     where it counts    your love is dead     from unnatural causes      you squeezed your stones until they bled        and made your compact        with some ordinary devil      he bought your lunch    so you feel like you owe him     but I wasn’t there     and I’m not bound       by promises you can’t keep        heavenly tides     turn and return      morning through to night       the seasons tread those waters      and so do I      it’s our autumn now     you can gather my leaves      and make a nice bonfire        you won’t see me again       but you can keep my memorial ashes      if you so desire

serpent

 if my maker casts a shadow        does it ever fall on me?       am I a good man?    I don’t imagine so       where’s the reward for all my sins?          when are they going to kill me?       they broke me     more than once     but I’m stronger for the mending      will they kill me now?    haven’t I sinned enough?   they’ve killed the good and gentle      they killed the true and brave     why leave me to live?    I suppose they’ll get around to me       when they are good and ready

I’ll be waiting   one eye open    bolshy and defiant    sometimes living is an act of courage    but there’s some consolation to be found      in suicidal ideation      I must have thought about killing myself a thousand times     but I still cherish life     I must be crazy   I go on carrying a burden a sane man would gladly discard   mad    because I loathe my being     nevertheless I’ll hold fast to the serpent that devours    until it has eaten my heart away    no   I’m not death’s willing ally     I won’t relinquish my life so easily

burglars

 I caught you picking my pocket    but I didn’t seem to mind     I could easily trip out   in the orbit of your smile      so dummy up lover    take me by the hand     let’s walk together in pastures green    do you feel like getting high?   I have some sunshine      burning a hole in my pocket      I smoke too much        I drink too much   I love too much    but we’re here to perfect our passions   the greatest adventure      is a voyage of discovery       I fell for you      while watching you dream      now we’re wound together      like siamese twins     feasting our hearts     on beautiful lies    and who can condemn us?    we play a glorious game       we’re burglarising heaven        and that’s the perfect alibi