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6 October 2024

serpent

 if my maker casts a shadow        does it ever fall on me?       am I a good man?    I don’t imagine so       where’s the reward for all my sins?          when are they going to kill me?       they broke me     more than once     but I’m stronger for the mending      will they kill me now?    haven’t I sinned enough?   they’ve killed the good and gentle      they killed the true and brave     why leave me to live?    I suppose they’ll get around to me       when they are good and ready

I’ll be waiting   one eye open    bolshy and defiant    sometimes living is an act of courage    but there’s some consolation to be found      in suicidal ideation      I must have thought about killing myself a thousand times     but I still cherish life     I must be crazy   I go on carrying a burden a sane man would gladly discard   mad    because I loathe my being     nevertheless I’ll hold fast to the serpent that devours    until it has eaten my heart away    no   I’m not death’s willing ally     I won’t relinquish my life so easily

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