we shall be as chaff before the earth gives way our tears shall run dry before the oceans do the world will still turn without our pushing life will go on as before no great change will mark our passing the pain of the world shall not end with our departing but shall go on long after we have ceased caring
they say the fear of death stems from the fear of life I don’t know about that but the knowledge of death gnaws at my heart drugs don’t help prayer don’t help crying don’t help nothing helps nothing blunts the sharp edge of reality somebody walked over my grave it might have been me there have been omens deep in my gut something bad is coming something with no name
no-one knows just when the axe will fall or what will follow when I’m sacrificed to eternity will flowers sprout from my rotting
corpse? will I be in them? is that my immortality? I want to die beautifully gracefully but I’m afraid does it hurt to die? will I go to hell? or will I return in another guise? it’s autumn now the nights are drawing in will
this be the winter of my life? will
I see the sun again?
after the light the darkness spreads it’s growing colder now from the ocean’s edge there comes a ripple and a sigh the world is hushed no clamour of humanity no birdsong just the cruel wind stirring the dust all living things are silenced the war is over we are the apocalypse and we have arrived
it’s in the nature of things that I sometimes drag the low end but I have to go with the flow ride the waves of life and if I fall behind I must swim harder hold fast to my dreams coz if I gave up my dreams what would I have left? I can’t resign in protest that would be defeat another little death what good is a life that consists of a series of little deaths?
it’s a question of mindset
I say yes to the moment capitulate
with reality let it work for me not against me at some point in my life I learned to surrender to my path it’s was a process of abandonment not control joy
lies in learning to embrace the world as it is so I yield to the tides even when they break my heart but I’m not drowning I’m
floating waiting for the next great
wave to carry me away
there is no god but love all other gods are false those wrathful and judgemental gods are only demons of our own design we are motivated by fear to fashion jealous gods in our own image our superstitious hearts have made a pact with evil to sacrifice our peace for the sake of hatred and avarice but love makes no demands at all because there is love in every human heart surrender yourself to love your faith will surely follow love is heaven an estate of the heart it’s all we ever wanted it’s all we really need we live in the orbit of love from the cradle to the grave we are never alone we are never without love it’s our natural state we are meant to walk in the light of love
fear is the prime motivator the key to our closet everyone has the fear on it’s our natural state it’s all we’ve ever known fear is the killer the raw enemy fear cuts like a knife into the root into the soul fear is the teacher of bitter lessons fear will make you foolish fear will make you wise everything you fear you draw to you that’s the power of intent the true nature of human calculation
everyone is afraid of something and that fear is loss loss of face loss of love loss of life we are ever in the shadow of our
fear but that’s only natural our fear is the harbinger of terrible
things fear is the worm that feasts on our minds fear will be your master all the days of your life unless you learn to accept loss and face the inevitable you are not long for this world and neither is anyone else
you keep heaping up grievances don’t you love me no more? I try not to be offended there’s no point to it no one pulls my strings I already cut them I didn’t ask to be you and I won’t dance to that tune the sun speaks my name I don’t need love letters I feel her warmth when I touch the sky but I don’t feel yours not in the flesh where it counts your love is dead from unnatural causes you squeezed your stones until they bled and made your compact with some ordinary devil he bought your lunch so you feel like you owe him but I wasn’t there and I’m not bound by promises you can’t keep heavenly tides turn and return morning through to night the seasons tread those waters and so do I it’s our autumn now you can gather my leaves and make a nice bonfire you won’t see me again but you can keep my memorial ashes if you so desire
if my maker casts a shadow does it ever fall on me? am I a good man? I don’t imagine so where’s the reward for all my sins? when are they going to kill me? they broke me more than once but I’m stronger for the mending will they kill me now? haven’t I sinned enough? they’ve killed the good and gentle they killed the true and brave why leave me to live? I suppose they’ll get around to me when they are good and ready
I’ll be waiting one eye open bolshy and defiant sometimes living is an act of courage but there’s some consolation to be
found in suicidal ideation I must have thought about killing myself
a thousand times but I still cherish
life I must be crazy I go on carrying a burden a sane man would
gladly discard mad because I loathe my being nevertheless I’ll hold fast to the serpent
that devours until it has eaten my
heart away no I’m not death’s willing ally I won’t relinquish my life so easily
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poor boy is dying by degrees I
had a quick shufi at his credentials while his guard was down his guard was always down I saw he was empty inside he’d drowned himself in fire water and
easy options one of these days he’ll get himself marginalised into an early grave I showed him a little distance he won’t fall on me I got troubles of my own and limited time and energy I’m not unsympathetic really but don’t call on me if you’re
drowning because brother I can’t
swim
they say you don’t have to apologise for the truth that the truth speaks for itself well, the truth is obscene it’s just another lie a big shitty lie with sprinkles on it we live in a world of lies
we cling to our sacred deceptions swearing by almighty god that the account we shall give shall be the whole truth... it don’t bear thinking about but I do I think about it constantly the truth is a terrible thing and I’ve sickened of it so pluck out my eyes stop up my ears shield me from the merciless truth with beautiful and comforting lies
