autonomous

 my past was wicked and my future was cursed     I was a prisoner in a jail of my own devising      but I crawled out from under     I put up one hell of a fight     but I’m an individual     I have few attachments     that’s how it is to be free       you have to sacrifice your jailors      you have to crash out of their gaze    and you have to keep moving or they catch you   because everyone is a jailor       in this fucked up world

there is no such thing as limited freedom      it’s all or nothing     don’t be fooled by semantics     they are laying traps again      but they won’t  catch me    I’m too savvy to take the bait      I love being alive    I love feeling free    I’m no animal to be caged       don’t they understand?     if one of us is caged    then none of us are free

the price of liberty is steep       you have to abandon society     and kiss the past goodbye      you have to become aware of your own heart       for what is freedom without wisdom      without love?       freedom can be the greatest of all vices without temperance      it’s not just the power to do as we like        it’s the opportunity to do as we should    

so leave me alone       I won’t tread on your toes      there’s no need to bind me     because no matter what you do       I will not conform       I cannot conform     conformity is a prison       the enemy of growth       coercion captures men      but freedom inspires them      the fight for freedom is a personal and solitary battle    we conquer the fears of today     to fight again tomorrow     it’s even harder to preserve our liberty      than it is to win it

 

 

 

 

heavy hitters

I don’t slave in the fields for a steady income     and no-one will set me straight on tick    that’s cool     I know the score     no credit for monkeys     I bought this ball and chain    might as well wear them    that’s the proposition      I’m all alone in my war on drugs    I  made for me a pair of wings       I want to fly away       no more human derelicts    lurking in the shadows     hating society     loathing themselves     I want paradise in my cup     they have a gun to my head      but    I don’t seem to care      I have bona fide connections in a completely different sphere

beelzebub

 sweet beelzebub     please salve this soul     sort me out a fix    god’s own medicine    I’m a front line pariah in the war against drugs     evil commissars have fitted me up   they planted ideas on me that were dehumanising beyond realisation       my mind shattered with the impact   and my dharma has been soiled    I’m suspended in a state of non-being      I don’t feel human no more   

his stuff’s the filth    shoot it in the mainline    hits like a speedball     man, I was all lit up      like christmas in july     that was yesterday and it was good   but tomorrow looms large       coming off a bender       this is gonna hurt     and it’s gonna hurt bad     I am the captain of my soul     but I’m drowning in a hospital bed      there has to be a resolution ahead    my arse is hanging out here     I’m a fucking spectacle    a geek in a carnival side show

don’t ever let me go    send me up for life    coz I wield an assassin’s blade   I’ll murder your ambition   so don’t tangle with me    I’m one of a pestilent hoard     of nomadic junkies        waiting to invade your space    best fasten your doors      and screw your eyes shut     you’d tear open like rotting burlap  sack   if you saw what we have seen       we are fattened for the slaughter       in the abattoir of dreams

 

orpheus

 I’m a debaucher    a ragged old lecher     but don’t cast no stones     I mean no harm     I’m just a sucker for a pretty face      it’s a predilection verging on vice     but I’m an episodic lover     the imposter of their dreams       my crocodile tears and winning smile conceal a fragile jaw     and so my love pours out on stony ground     my tortured veins  and   poisoned blood scream in anguish      and I find myself once more        battered bruised and torn       alone on the  backstreets of hell    I must’ve taken a dirty hit        or copped a bad trip      coz sister I feel sick       stay with me       for a little while     I’ll trace my steps      back through the shadows     into the light     I’ll crawl on my hands and knees if need be        but I’ll find some way back into the fight

rocket to the sun

 I slipped into your purse        with your matches        your makeup       and your works      I rifled through your drawers      to find your stash          and I got a glimpse of your psychology      you’re packed to crash       and end all our fun     but that’s okay       you just thought of it first      when I was young      I slashed my wrists       the scars remain       but the boy is gone    he’s on a rocket  to the sun       nothing now can bring him down

breaking news

what the fuck?     what the actual fuck?    I mean what?      someone pissed in the well       and poisoned my loving cup       I sprang a leak          somewhere in my head       my thoughts, those tiny blind assassins        coursed through my mind       with the seductive force of  reason       logic clad in gun metal       I’m no longer trusted      so they wrapped me in chains           and set their dogs on me

breaking news!       this just in…       for the sake of (my) humanity     they saw me stoned        they had me sectioned and shaved for dissection      they’d mete out measure for measure against my indiscretions       coz  I drink too much to always play fair     and I taught myself to be a cunt     so I got what was coming to me     they’ll always see the worst in me         but you don’t care, do you?         I’ve often been good to you        and you and I are square

in pastures green

I was high        obscenely naked and high        and she was low with her blows         in her kicking boots         her dirty snake eyed boots       I would not wear such boots       coz I’m an natural  man         and no one poisons my well         no one bleeds me dry        only god can kill me         and he’ll have step so lightly      coz I never close my eyes           I will not lay in pastures green      I rehearse my dreams when I’m awake      and  I have learned to fly

 

My Death Songs

 man     I’m strung out like never before        my death songs bud ruby on my lips     the voices of ancient lovers        exposed in tender hearts  and bloody groins       sing the song eternal       and their words breathe sexual in my hungry ears         they know the sounds I long to hear      theirs is the music of children’s laughter      mixed with my own foolish lamentations          those tears will always flow      while the burden of love is loss     but the love exultant shall not die         together we shall make time in the choir celestial

 

God Kills

I was high        obscenely naked and high        and she was low with her blows         in her kicking boots         her dirty snake eyed boots       I would not wear such boots       coz I’m an natural  man         and no one poisons my well         no one bleeds me dry        only God can kill me          he’ll have step so lightly      coz I never close my eyes       I rehearse my dreams           and  I have learned to fly

snake eyes

my stones are choking      this pressure is relentless       all men are cursed        some more than others      most are oblivious      others have seen the signs         there’s a dead dog at the side of the road       I’ve seen that sign before…       …pennies in my eyes…       …death is a constant       there are no exceptions       there is no cheating death through liturgy or magic       but I’m headed for cover just the same 

there ain’t no judas goat       tethered to my psyche       my doors are always barricaded        against imposters and thieves        coz I’ve been fucked before      though most of my wounds are self inflicted        that war is over now      I’m just trying to carve out a peace        that don’t stink of defeat        it’s not a question of luck      I’m already consigned to the power that rules my fate       and it’s written in my stars        that I’ll be rolling snake eyes from now on

candy

I learned to embrace my failings       I had little choice      my signature moves are suicidal        but they are carved in stone habitual         I’m just a foolish old man        with a juvenile heart       I made a compact with the devil      I’d struggle all my days         but they’d never be dull

I tried it once or twice      the measured banality        of sacred vows and maximum fidelity      but human bondage wasn’t for me      I’m bone idle          too lazy to play happy families        no sour grapes though     they fed me candy       the taste still lingers         bittersweet       with a hint of almond 

obituary

my shadow lengthens       as the nights draw in       there’s  little warmth       in the distant sun      I’m carving names        it’s tombstone season      our days are numbered        we know not how      so, I wrote my own obituary        I was generous to myself       I gave all I had to give        I took all I had to take        my books are balanced      and inky black        post mortem analysis has revealed        a life misbegotten in the pursuit of pleasure        I  didn’t take life too seriously        I took it for a ride