outlaws

 

everyone’s selling something       in this cruel economy      everyone is dreaming of someday breaking free      to live just like the bosses       and dine on caviar      own a fancy house    and drive in a fancy car

but we’ll drink to fallen heroes      who would not play the game     who lived their lives as outlaws       and died without a name     to the junkies  whores and thieves    the system could not tame

to live and not be mastered       that’s the master plan     of every awkward bastard      and every natural man     to live life as a renegade    not an also ran     on the fringes society     we survive as best we can      we’ve been living outside the law      since the world began

 

catastrophic

 

I don’t think I’m dishonest      I only told one lie     though I told it many times    they tell me I was wicked       for doing as I liked    but everything is permissible       if  you’re prepared to pay the price

all things are basically cool      until of course they’re not      I sometimes had to detonate my nuclear device      the power that moves my heart      is pounding out new stars      my love is catastrophic     it could tear the world apart

everything I did      I did in the name of love     I would not go without      I was an emotional junkie whore     there was a gaping hole     at the centre of my soul     all my days I hungered      afraid to be alone     I wasn’t the only one     I had accomplices      but I’m the one they fingered     the one who took the blame

lunatic soul

 

I flashback on a doomed trajectory     having survived alone    in the kingdom of ghouls     my bad blood had caused a derangement     I thought I had died and gone to hell       I found myself in unfamiliar surroundings      harvesting dreams that tasted of tears     I was trapped in a hospital that felt like a prison     praying that someone would answer my prayers      I made it home but the margins were slender     I’m still in the thrall of that living nightmare     my mask has slipped to reveal my defects      I look like I'm healed    but I'm not really there

treatment

 

it was bad news all round     I’d been punished for my crimes      they put me in the hospital     to sanitize my mind    it felt like I’d been damned    condemned to a living hell      it altered my reality      though no one else could tell    it was a sorrowful dark experience     as ugly as it gets     I’m so I’m grateful for the treatment        but I haven’t recovered yet …

Pagliacci

 

I have played the clown     most of my adult life      my humour concealed my pain     though sometimes I would weep    when laughter let me down     I’ve been careful with my mask      it’s been no mask at all     I’ve been up     I’ve been down     my heart has done the rounds      but I learned through indiscretion      to never wear a frown     I’m not a clever man     but I do the best I can     I’m told god grants fools wisdom        when there’s no one else around

wonderful

 

the people I have known    the places I have been    I’d bring them all back tomorrow     to do it all again    I’d gorge myself on life     without the burden of shame     the sex     the drugs    the rock n roll      I’d grasp without restraint    because the first time was a trip    and it was wonderful      so given the opportunity     I’d relive it all once more    

deep and wide

 

see them circle?       they scent blood     people are like sharks       some more than others      those are the ravenous souls      always on the prowl       reflexive killers     without a trace of conscience        and just like fucking sharks     if they stop moving – they suffocate   

you need some gimmick    if you want to eat       four walls and a TV    to keep you off the street    you need a home      you need a wife      you need the things that make a life    but this can prove a burden      things can drag you down      other men have found this      some of them have drowned

perhaps the sharks feasted      on those forgotten heroes     but I’m not here for souvenirs     so I’ll kick on regardless     cold blooded killers     make unpredictable companions     the ocean here is deep and wide      its denizens are fearless     so I learned to dart and weave and dive     I glide just like a dolphin    that’s how I managed to remain alive      where better men have fallen

 

author, author

 

I don’t just do this for fun     I do it because I ran out of options     I know I don’t write that well       but I’m ready to bleed across your screen     or pull my knickers down     expose my arse to the world    I’m speaking metaphorically     of course      coz I’m taking a hit - that feels just like a kiss…    when I wrote that down    I felt a little high      I don’t know what you’d call that    and I don’t really care       there’s nothing written here        that can’t later be denied

I am the resurrection

 

I’d been rubbed out   cancelled from existence      stretched beyond endurance      and consigned to rot in hell      but when I received my discharge papers   on that glorious sun drenched morning     I was released from an unforgiving nightmare    I’d found victory   pinioned to the cross      I returned to the beauty I have always known     I am clean    I am redeemed      I am love

fools

 

you get born    you go to school     you get a job    they give you a number    you become a player in the adult word     well, that’s what they expect       but I don’t want to be a player       in this crazy fucked up world     where the wealthy engineer consensus     to keep us in our place   

they say you can’t  buck the system     that there is no other way      you must labour all your life     until one day you die     your reward is pending    in the afterlife    but I reclaimed my mind      I’m breaking all their rules    I won’t obey a system      that treats us like bloody fools

thief

 

I was always a blunt instrument     but I’ve been honed to perfection     I couldn’t be more me if I tried    I know who I am    and I know what I like    I love the light because I’m alive      but I love the dark  because I’m a thief      

I’ve been many things      to many people      but I’ve always been true to myself       I’ve stolen from giants      I’ve stolen from paupers      I’ve stolen from every creature that walked or crawled beneath the sun      but I never robbed anyone who didn’t ask for it    

truthfully  I was never one for deceptions       I’m honest enough with myself      it’s true I may have fabricated some facts  to fit the situation    I forged my own credentials    because I  travelled  incognito      above and beyond the law

 

through the eyes of love

 

is your heart a haunted house?    do you stalk these streets of shame?     here you are - without a friend       your memories choke your dreams       are you really all alone?     have others judged you harshly?     do you know what you’ve done wrong?       can you name the crimes that you committed to feed your twisted and selfish love?

I hate to kick a man when he’s down     but I might not get another chance       you are the victim of your own choices      so, what do you want to know?      or what do you want to hear?      yes, you may have gotten a raw deal      but the sun will come out tomorrow      and you shall be redeemed    blessed through  the eyes of love        it might be less than you hoped for       but it’s more than you deserve

crucified

 

some things cannot be gleaned from books       some things are learned in blood    anyway     the lights are going out now    and I’m pinioned to my cross     sweet mother of heaven       hear me in my time of need     let me cast one last spell     channel my pain into something beautiful       

I’ve nursed one disaster after another     and there are terrible confessions hidden behind my eyes      coz I bent myself outta shape      trying to satisfy the needs of others     now I require something for myself     don’t judge me    I’m not stoned     I’m just tired     fatigued by the extremities of being     I know I made a cunt of myself    but I didn’t mean to prick anyone  else   with this crown of thorns

collective insanity

 

collective insanity      that’s my diagnosis    the whole world is crazy       always has been     the central delusion     the illusion of difference     tells us we’re better than everyone else      coz we at least are innocent       we at least are loved     there’s no one else quite like us      we’re so fucking special    we have the ear of god

Delilah

 

I think about her still     and I grieve    she was never truly mine       but even lies are sacred to lovers     me, I'd never exiled anyone before     they usually perished in accidents of trust     coz I don’t believe in much       but I still believe in love    everything happens for a reason       the truth will bear that out    I can’t see that she’s to blame though      I played it like a chump

food for thought

 

they say god has no religion

so, he does not pray

you see, faith is a killer

take that away and…

hell no, that’s not for me

I have a light burning inside

chalk it up to ignorance

or perhaps self-deception

but I’m not alone

while my candle is lit

going down it’s hard as hell

coming up  …it’s sudden vertigo

and you?       do you still have empathy?

lord, save our souls

we’re going down

into the ground

protect us from doubt

leave us numb

no room to maneuver

no food for thought

naked and alone

 

sleep will not touch me now     neither will I dream     it’s not my conscience again      it’s not what it might seem         they say there are no bad men      only bad situations          and I’ve lived through situations     maybe I brought them on myself     tell me, what difference does it make?      we suffer just the same    from things we haven’t done      everybody’s innocent     according to their tales     we are all just victims of circumstance    wrestling ghostly shadows     naked and alone

 

gagged

 

they locked me up       for speaking my mind        because truth is violence    in their insane world       I was drunk on freedom        and the license it gave me      but to think too deeply    is to dig your own grave       I was drunk on freedom      but I overreached   now I’m the odd man out      in a party of strangers        queer bedfellows      both orphans and strays      in this menagerie      of singular outsiders    I found a voice    to unlock their secrets       yes, I found a voice       but it was not my own

lice

 

same old     same old     here I am,  back in the dock again      I guess it’s too late now to plead insanity         so what’s my excuse?     I’m picking at old wounds     might even tear me a few new ones      but I can’t help myself      some memories have sharp edges      and weigh heavy on the heart    there’s pain at the core of everything      sometimes I can’t see it        but it’s always there         like worms gnawing on my bones     or lice crawling through my hair  

beasts

 

…and I shall fear no evil       even in the fury of the storm        for I have a place        yes, I have a place        a place I call home      nestled in my shoulder    in a world of secrets        where you could not touch me       though you were a beast      you could not touch me      yes, you were the beast      and I was alone

some random woman       a creature with no name       called me a narcissist      a narcissist?     I should be so lucky      what with my conscience     not to feel for others          but lord it up in some fantastic story        free of guilt     free of shame         yes, I should be so lucky       to be so deluded      to walk amongst the beasts       to think and feel like they do       to behave just like a killer     to carry on like you

dial my number

 

I got a telephone in my bosom      so I can call you from my heart       let me tell you about my freedom        coz it matters that much to me        and why don’t you take a look at yourself?      take a good look at yourself     is this the way you wanted it to be?      if I called collect    would you answer me then?    or if you chose to dial my number?     could it matter much to me?

flags

 

if this life had any meaning     we’d be the last to know     we’re spoon-fed on slurry culture      waving banners       and burning crosses      them outside      they’re not like us       we got the understanding      them outside ain’t got no culture      coz without a flag a man is nothing       without a flag he has no home

bullet to the soul

 

we are creatures of light and shade    but most of us are dead inside       victims of spiritual suicide      the abyss of our pain      swallows all ambition    and our darkest monuments      cast heavy shadows across our empty lives     I’m having a human experience here      typical to my generation     I took a bullet to the soul      I’m bleeding out again     but I no longer seem to care

the fool

 

I’m tired of thinking      no-one can think and fight at the same time     and I’m in a fight here       the fight of my life       insanity and happiness are an unlikely cocktail       and they have labeled me mad      because I feel too much       because I’m sad     but my sanity is open to debate      perhaps madness is a  natural reaction to the real      maybe I am crazy       maybe madness is a failing        but I ask you      who can be sane in a world gone  mad?       you have to be crazy      to play by the rules    to believe in a game that is rigged      to make you the fool

your truth

this is not my first lynch mob    I’ve been tarred and feathered before    victim of that parochial mediocrity that says    you are different    so you must be bad    and if you are bad    then we must be good     well   I don’t pretend to be good     no-one would believe me anyway    I don’t look good     and I don’t feel good     and I never trust a man  who says he is good     most men are only as good as they have to be

I will always speak my truth    but not only in words   coz words are not enough    not my words    my words deceive      I'd promise the truth, but what would it mean?     I promise never to make promises     promises take hostages   I'll act in accordance with my spirit  and live as I damn well choose    coz you cannot bury your truth    it will always resurface like Lazarus    in an ocean of deceptions   your truth will never drown   your truth shall always find you       your truth will be your judge       and if it finds you wanting      your truth shall be your noose

adventures in spirituality

 

I made my own bible     proclaimed it like a trumpet     the world was deaf     and did not hear     but my words were impeccable      I tried to use their power        in the direction of good        because I am an instrument of peace        and a vassal of love       because love is the supreme science       love is the only law

this was no epiphany    it all came on real easy like      over the course of decades      it was less a voyage of discovery       more a process of discarding garbage      I know who I am now    and I won’t forget        the world won’t let me      I’m fatally flawed      and that’s my strength        it can’t be used against me

individuals are thin on the ground      most people are just copies      nothing of them is original     they are an amalgam of stories they have heard      because everyone has stories    playing inside their heads     we’re all just the stories we tell ourselves     most of them are fictions    we take pride in our fictions      our uniqueness     but when I found out who I really was     I was bitterly disappointed      because I’m not at all unique      I’m a total fucking cliché    

a manic depressive whore      with a taste for drink and drugs       I truly am my own worst enemy      I’m just a Jonas     and I seem to sow discord wherever I go      but I ain’t crying     when I survey my life     I see I’ve lived it as well as I could      but it doesn’t matter now     just how I have lived      I can no longer play the role assigned me     I simply ceased to give a shit     and that brought me peace of mind       but I had to make that peace through understanding       because everything is connected       everything is now

in her arms

 

mistakes are my life      I’ve made a few     oh well, must get on     get things done     stain the silence with my words      my best years have fled      perhaps there was a time    when I was happy      I must have been happy     in her arms        yes, I must have been happy     in her arms  

I’d better do something      while I still have the fire      maybe a fire     or embers still to fan       or will I brood in my stinking lair?     and feel her absence      and feel her near?      every man hefts a cross      until he eventually dies     or he disappears       I might find it funny     but I don’t do funny     not in this place    no, not in here 

I want to be art

 

what an idea      absurd  but powerful     it has real poetry    but oh lord there ain’t room for us both in this religion     you’d best count me a monkey man     coz I’m about  this world, not the next       my dharma is entirely human      that’s what interests me - being human

life has no meaning     but the meaning we give it        art is the true expression of humanity      I want to be art      I want to perfect my form of being        my being human       because it matters    because I believe in humanity     the laws of nature seem cruel        there’s no justice in the universe       the universe does not care     but we care, right?      even in a godless world   -   we still care  -  don’t we? 

*image 'The Three Shades'  Auguste Rodin

in shadows

 

lately, I’m not really there      I’m not really anywhere       sometimes I’m not myself      I mutate into something else      sometimes I’m formed in the shadows        exposed under sodium light      I can’t seem to shake the feeling      that it all could happen again      I’d be down on the killing floor       dragging my ball and chain      through hospital corridors      desperate to escape    finding no way home    

armchair revolutionary

 

fuck this for a game of soldiers     fifty years on the treadmill     just to make some other cunt filthy      no, I’m sick of their bourgeois heroes      I’m sick of their holy books    they want to stunt your imagination     with their prisons, churches and schools   

well, I’m opting out     I’ve simply had enough     I’m an armchair revolutionary now      hooked to the silver screen     I think I broke the world     I didn’t know what I doing     I was only killing time      when this notion came to me…      I need to escape this room       and smash my fucking TV

Curious

 

I just want to know       what the hell is going on?     they say the world will end today      it’s not before time      this world is a sick joke      but then, you reap what you sow      and we’ve sown a lot     I don’t suppose I really care      but I’m curious     I just want to know      is this all there is?     I just want to know

with our thoughts we make the world

 

there’s so much propaganda now    black propaganda and filth      you’ve got stomach a banquet of shit        every time you watch the news       we don’t need hatred    we don’t need rulers      the power they take from the people        will return to the people     coz nothing is permanent       not even our troubles      there is no meaning to any of this      there is only the desire for life    with our thoughts we make the world    the way is not in the sky     the way is in the mind

Kiss

 

I like your attitude     fuck the rules     you’ll never reach monkey heaven      but you’re not being fooled     by sugar coated rhetoric     you’re not paralyzed by wishful thinking      coz you’re an individual      and you do as you choose     

you have desires     that outstrip this world       perhaps you were meant     for somewhere else      some other world where you are free     you don’t talk to an empty sky      coz you already know the truth        heaven was in that first kiss     but hell was in the last

 

Your Mind Is A Weapon

 

the power dynamic

 

change will come    through the mouth of a gun     the truth is a bullet       the mind is a gun       and a gun is power       as money is power     and beauty is power      we like power     we can’t get enough        all relationships are based on power      and resistance to power       coz power ennobles       while the fear of losing power corrupts       it’s that terrible dynamic     that measures out the conflict      that constitutes our lives

inertia

 

paint a picture of this    emotionally squalid     got the fear on now     something chronic     but I have music inside me      so I’m not that far gone      not a damp eye in the house     must be the season of cynics    I’m too tired to make adjustments this late in the deal

lately, I’m riddled with doubt     and what if it’s bad?     but what if it’s good?   but what if it’s bad?     and what if they laugh?     so what if they do?    it’s the bloody psychogenesis     of crippling inertia      my head is black with trouble      and I’m weary of the conflict

sober

I quit for the sake of my sanity       but I soon found out      you have to quit every day        maybe I’ll quit quitting    no, don’t tempt me      don’t get me started      once I get started      I don’t know how to stop       I’m not a temperate man       I’m a greedy bastard      who cannot get enough

It’s not easy staying sober      but it’s so much harder staying drunk       staying drunk takes dedication        an appetite for destruction     the will  to live as a fucking pariah,  a leper and a bum       no, I no longer have the strength       to deal with so much fun

chimp

 

he don't know who he is

coz he’s had a hit

that's knocked

him fucking senseless

so he does his business

with a brownian motion

he’s erratic and addled

dazed and confused

he ain’t got no magic

stashed in his locker

but he feels like a hero

in his own dime novel

and not just another

chimp in the zoo

whispers

 

I felt I owed you some words      but what’s the point?     they wouldn’t ring true     they’d make me like you      I’m too lazy now       to speak the truth      they say there’s beauty in truth       even when it hurts      I’m not so sure       the truth can be ugly      it can cut like a knife  

does the lie you believe become the truth?     people tell lies to look more attractive    but mostly they just get uglier     I heard what you said      that I wasn’t worth knowing     but it was said from a distance      so I might have been dreaming

the cloak of madness

 

a world without madness     would be a mediocrity    but when I realised what a sick, awful joke the world is    I went stark raving mad   and madness begets madness   so soon I was lost    insanity is no escape from reality        it’s an overdose of reality       isolation, loneliness, desperation and rage       all of these are real        the whole world is mad       and in a world of madness       perhaps only the crazy are truly sane      

I have worn the cloak of madness         madness that wore me down      it took over my mind     and co-opted every action        my messianic highs, my diabolical lows     were as inclement as the weather        they guided my tongue  and my actions       they damned me as they exalted me    but I glimpsed eternity         and thrilled to uncover my great secret       we are all as gods       we are all of us insane       only some of us know it      only some bear the pain

Logia

 

I want to live the life of my dreams        use my power in the service of my vision       let me tell you about my favourite hallucination…    it didn’t look like him      but I knew who he was from his smile       he was young        he will always be young        he brought a message from my sponsor      I’d been tuning into the wrong channel       I’d better find a new gimmick       abandon my poverty     store up some treasure in heaven    I needed a change of scene    I needed to change a lot of things        the cosmos seems indifferent and cold     so how about a little peace, love and understanding?      if it’s too hard to get your head around      you can always consult the manual…