Pages

18 August 2025

Diablero

 

Ain’t it hard just to live? There’s no accounting for people or what passes for right and wrong. I’d been shooting my mouth off. I was up to no good with nowhere to turn but bad.  I’d deviated from the norm. I’d been scaring the neighbours. Somebody called the cops. Yeah, somebody called the cops.  But I know my rights.

“You have the right to obey. Compliance is mandatory. There is only one rule: obey all the rules.”

They held me on trumped-up charges of lewd behaviour and vagrancy.  They confiscated my shoelaces. They confiscated my humanity. They took me to a doctor who said,

“What’s wrong with his head is anybody’s guess. He needs to be disinfected. He’s channelling subversive vibrations.  We’d better lock him up; I think that’s for the best.”

They put me in the quiet room, where I’d plan for my escape. I’d tiptoe right out of there. I’ve learned to play their game.

I level up heavy again and again. But I don’t complain. That’s just my lot; it’s always been this way.  Mania is a gift from the cosmos. The truth don’t stop. It’s rolling on hard, like the driven rain. I have a face for every season. They can’t take that from me.

 

3 August 2025

remission

 


I’m flowering in heaven      though my roots are in hell      I’ve come into remission  from sorrow and regret       I no longer freak out at the slightest provocation    I’ve achieved harmony in heart and mind        it’s time to loosen up      create a new space for my peace    the world is big and full of woes      I could be cut down at any moment     but I’m free for now and that’s enough for me

2 August 2025

stigmatised

 

I have fought battles terrifying and beautiful        and I have been remade as a new man     but It’s not enough to get well        you’re expected to be penitent       for the crimes you committed when you were ill          coz there’s no sign of sickness on your skin       no, the monsters lurk deeper than that      they attack from the inside      the pain they inflict cannot be seen       it can only be felt    all that seems so far away now       as if it happened to someone else   but I don’t celebrate my victories          I hide my face in shame       there is no final victory      it can all happen again

I was not easy to help    but I was helped     for some my illness was seen a a failure       or even a betrayal       but my world was broken    and I reached out for a new one    no one would condemn a cancer  victim     saying ‘he brought it on himself’    but my friends diminished in number      those are the perverse mathematics of life       I don’t mind being ghosted       I live for myself     to hell with everyone else       I’ve forgiven those erstwhile friends        who could only see the surface of things      I don’t require validation     I made it on my own     I’m an individual now      a man of some renown

 

1 August 2025

wolves

 

we were a pack       and we made meat     but we had to be ruthless      with those who could not       we would dance in the sacred manner       horizontally     with the shades down       private individuals       living in a private world

I got the blame    when it all fell apart       and maybe I deserved it        paint me wicked      everyone does       it’s easier that way      there are too many pigments      in the other picture     I grieved for that cabal       of erstwhile friends and lovers       when they fell on me like wolves       to tear the world apart

28 July 2025

one foot in...

 

the years give

the years take

I’m docile now

polished smooth

I wouldn’t leave a ripple

if you dropped me in the ocean

I could be making waves

but I’m coasting from here on in

I’ve made my choices

what is a life

but a series of choices?

I live according to my nature

it’s too late now

for anything else

26 July 2025

pushing up daisies

 

becalmed once again     deep in the fucking doldrums       went to the doctor        he told me to lighten up     but that cunt’s a fool       this time I’m dying        slowly, by degrees       it’s the dead of liquid night      I’m adrift on the tides of memory        half in shadow, half in light      I sometimes hear your voice        can you still hear mine?

24 July 2025

my brand new friend

 

people can fuck you up

tell me if you’ve heard this one before

I didn’t know her face     but her moves were familiar    she said she needed to be loved      but she wasn’t ready to bleed for it       I understood that       I’d done my share of bleeding     I’ve drowned in my own tears

I don’t let that shit in my house        I tell no one what I’m feeling       coz feelings come and go        you can’t own love        no, love owns you     it’s a deal you can’t refuse      when you’re tired of being alone

this poor boy don’t believe in romance       but I’ll adhere to anything        that makes me feel real      life gives me all I need       and I don’t ask for much       I’m just looking for a friend      not a nursemaid       or  a crutch

16 July 2025

x ray words

 

I found some raw material      

on the back seat of the bus    

a thousand original recipes     

written from the heart      

I’ll smother them in gravy     

and pass them off as my own     

isn’t fiction just a kernel of truth hidden in a lie?    aren’t all writers prostitutes and thieves?      some words are designed to mislead      but other words have x ray powers    that penetrate the soul     

I  want to write in those words    

in crazy neon letters ten feet tall     

I know I’d get off on that      

let me tell you why     

I stood up  to this life      and I want to get that down on paper          one day I’ll find the words I’m looking for       and leave them on the bus     for some other sucker to find     it’ll be my message in a bottle     my little gift to posterity     much of it will be bullshit       but some of it will be me

 

14 July 2025

cogito, ergo sum


when I was young

I hurt my eyes

staring into the sun

for days after

the image of the sun

was fused into my mind…

I came out of nowhere      but that don’t mean a thing      when you’re twelve years old    I was always a book worm     because knowledge is power      while ignorance only forges shackles      every saturday morning I’d head to the library      always the library      the temple of knowledge     my sanctum sanctorum        the source of my power      where the blinding light of reason       flooded my busy retinas       and fed my hungry mind       I was sparked into being       in the cauldron of ideas       I learned to question everything        as everything questioned me      to think about my thinking     because that’s what I am       that’s what I understand

  

12 July 2025

mr nice

 

they tell me bad is back

but that’s not where I’m at

I just stepped outside

the sun spoke to me

she said ‘get high’

and I’m glad to comply

why don’t you step out too?

shed your aggravations

get yourself a new gimmick

it’s nice to be nice

and I like to feel nice, don’t you?

 

1 July 2025

Loser

 

I’ll salt my beer

with my own fucking tears

I tried everything twice

it always turned out bogus

why can’t I be forgiven?

who made me the enemy?

I don’t want to be on the outside

nose pressed against the window

so who wrote the rules

that made me the loser?

maybe we’re all fucking losers

did you ever think of that?

still, you’d rather lose a lover    

than love a fucking loser

don’t mind me

I’m not bitter

I’m not sweet either

I’ve been rolling snake eyes

since the game began

I can’t win for losing

it’s the story of my life

29 June 2025

totally fucked up

 I’m totally fucked up

it’s more than an excuse

it’s symptomatic

I’m totally fucked up

but I’m not alone.

the whole world is fucked up

as is everyone in it

we’ve all been damaged

beaten and abused

draw your own conclusions

everywhere you turn you lose

coz this old world plays rough

you know how people talk

people love to talk

of life and love and liberty

but the world has heard enough

the world don’t care who you are

or how big you dream

they’re gonna monetise you

they’re gonna monetise you

if they have to crush your soul

10 June 2025

Tommy Gun

 

I let it rip with psychic bullets   

from my imaginary tommy gun     

I don’t mean to hurt nobody     

but I won’t let up until I’m done

I massacre my friends and neighbours     

I kill ‘em off one by one    

I don’t play god

I have no favourites

I got bullets enough for everyone

I don’t bear them any malice     

it’s just my way of having fun

 

9 June 2025

unconditional love

 

you were always my friend

my patient companion

didn’t you feed my hunger?

didn’t you nurse my fever?

indulge my childish schemes?

haven’t you always stood by me

no matter what I’d done?

if I ever seemed ungrateful

I’m sorry for it

I’m sorry I lost myself

I think I thought

I was someone else

someone less deserving

of your unconditional love

I just wanted you to know

I treasure that sentiment

more than I cherish life itself

7 June 2025

near dead poets

 

the only good poet     is a dead poet

isn’t that what you said?

well, I died on the pillow

I died a thousand times

does that make me Buddha

or just some lesser brand?

crimson stains on virgin sheets

bad blood pulsed through my brain

lithium once was my friend

now my deadly enemy

‘do you know where you are?’

‘in the hospital’

‘where?’

‘everywhere’

the hospital is everywhere     stretching around me    like a bloody caul   a labyrinth of endless umbilical corridors      leading off into infinity      into the dark wards       the ghost wards       of ossified patients        and patient medics        tending to the dead     

but I have words

choice words

futile words

scribbled in the shadows

falsified in blood

just another near dead poet

wallowing in the mire

6 June 2025

tsunami

 

I have a surge on   babelogue    scripture in the mother tongue   I love the weight    the rhythm    the cadence   of the words   as they accost the senses   a cymbal’s clash    the lightning flash     the rap of the machine gun     fuse in the imagination       is this some kind of magic?     is there substance to words?   how can they fill me up?    I’m fit to burst with the teeming    spilling    explosion of them    out there in the world there are tiny silences    little gaps    begging to be filled     in here there’s a cacophony of sound and colour screaming to get out    my head is a rain forest    a railway station    an ocean reef     I surf on a tsunami of words    crashing onto the snow white page

4 June 2025

anecdotal

 

thanks for the coffee

and the stories too

in a world of actors

you hold your own

but I aint buying

I’m selling

I’m not a consumer

I’m purely product

this shit doesn’t just happen

I had to stitch each piece by hand

it took some time

and a little imagination

but just feel the quality of the material

my fiction has an unlikely provenance

a thousand hands sculpted its features

with brute force and ignorance

but the lies contained herein

were honestly acquired

 

3 June 2025

punch drunk

 

every story needs a villain      might as well be me       coz I’m no fucking good      but you’re stuck with me     all I want from you is the killer blow      the coup de grace     another round       one more drink     should kill me off     don’t worry, I won’t blame you       I have a conscience      but it’s slender       no, I wouldn’t blame you      I’d blame myself     I’m getting that heavy feeling again     I’m all beat up      totally punched out      I’m not the man I thought I was        that cunt thought he could fly       but I’m paralysed      from the neck up      too many blows to the head       too much poison in my cup     I feel I’m halfway dead     I do believe I’ve had enough

30 May 2025

je suis un zombie


 flashback       big piranha      deep in my gut

back to my cubicle

curtained in         (do not disturb)

locked out

tubed up

and glued down

the shadow of a man

the simulacrum of a corpse

I couldn’t even scream

 ‘do you remember your name?’

‘do you know where you are?’

‘do you recognise me?’

don’t ask me questions     

I know nothing   

je suis un zombie

the man death left behind

I have tasted her deadly promise

and it festers in my mind

28 May 2025

fallen

 

I fell from the sky

and broke all my bones

gravitational force

just won’t let me go

 

I fell from the sky

but I proved I can fly

most people don’t

and they never ask why

 

I fell from the sky

believe me, its true

I fell from the sky

and so did you

 

we fell from the sky

to make this our home

perhaps we made a mistake

but at least we’re not alone

 

27 May 2025

iodine

 

I walked into a door     or the door walked into me      I got the usual cuts and bruises       nothing to scratch home about      I’ve taken some beatings      and maybe I’m better for them     but I think I’ve learned my lesson      I think I got things straight      I’m not the man I was         and that’s cause to celebrate

21 May 2025

no excuses, no regrets


 I’ve seen the action replays       from every conceivable angle       my life was a catastrophe     a comedy of errors      but if you could see the world through my eyes       you’d know why I’m laughing     let me turn you on     this world is a pantomime        the players only fools    and I’m the greatest fool of all      I walked through the fire     four sheets to the wind     and given the opportunity      I’d do it all again     I make no excuses        and harbour no regrets       I try to live in moment      every once in a while      I’d stop to count my blessings       but it’s simply not my style    

17 May 2025

greed

 

money makes the world go round      and I could always use more      does that make me greedy?      the whole world is greedy       obscenely greedy     don’t put yourself on      the name of the game is greed      the devil makes his home     in the avaricious heart     so how far would you go       to get the things you want?       would you sell your soul?      would you stop to count the cost?        do you want what you need?     or do you need what you want?     you can’t take it with you when you die       there is no wealth but life

 

15 May 2025

bread and jam

 


I’ll tan your arse     filthy boy     a lick of the belt     will teach you to cry     it was always me     singled out    this time    other times too      but I’m strong     I’ll get by      stupid cunt     do as your told     or you’ll feel my hand     you’re not too old     it’s not so bad      but if it gets worse     I’ll run away       try as you might     you can’t make me feel small      smaller than I already am      coz it’s all bread and jam        pleasure and pain      no animosity     not in this house      no tea for you    and  early to bed     where you’ll struggle to sleep       on nights filled with dread


14 May 2025

news for dummies

 

we’ve been waiting for the world to change      most of our dread fuelled lives      but that’s not gonna happen     not in the world we live in      they say violence is instrumental       and violence can auger change        coz the good guys always win      they said so on the terrorvision     they tell us there’s freedom here at home      but that’s just another lie      freedom at large is just a dream     the name of the game is power      p-o-w-e-r     don’t put yourself on      all paths lead to the inescapable conclusion    that every victory is pyrrhic     when the war can never be won    

11 May 2025

screaming

 

as the world spins on its axis      and the sun sinks slowly in the west      another tsunami load of recycled shit hits the fan        there’s always fresh meat for the grinder      there will always be war and rumours of war      there will always be blood on our hands       because we’re all in the shit together     it’s always been this way     you can tell me there’s love in the human heart     and that love is the universal law   but I have to laugh when presented with the irony     otherwise I’d be screaming all the way to hell     

9 May 2025

the man who knows nothing

 

back and further back      back in the best forgotten          I once knew       yes, I once knew      but I’m now inured to knowledge       coz I roll up empty     yes, I roll up empty      more often than not     coz I screen my calls      yes, I screen my calls     so no-one burns my ears     with yesterday’s bad news      I share my dreams with ghosts     only ghosts know my true station       I’m the man who knows nothing      and the man who knows nothing      is more blessed than cursed 

8 May 2025

hip philosophics

 

I’ve been talking with my shadow      and he seems worldly wise      but  it’s a question of dynamics        all relationships are based on power      I’ve known that from day one     so I’ll never be his hostage     he’ll never bang my drum      you may think I’m crazy    but once smitten twice shy     it’ll take more than blind faith       to unlock my locker        coz I pumped a lot of pain       and now I want concrete guarantees          I lent my instruments to a wiser fool      and he tells me I’m doing fine         he rejects the phony work ethic      he never slogged a day in his life        he says we each choose our own burdens      in our efforts to break even

29 April 2025

she's so heavy

 

I was aware for quite some time     my favourite lover      was no friend of mine       when the lights went out      and she went to ground     I knew it was over     but I followed her down     the promise of pudding     burned in my loins      when she took my ambitions       and swallowed them whole       maybe it’s a good thing        she no longer comes around       her love was so heavy    it made me feel old      some kinds of love      like poison flows      I’m nobody’s fool    but it just goes to show     that promises may glitter    but that don’t make them gold

*image: Gustav Klimt ‘Judith The Head Of Holofernes’.

28 April 2025

carnal knowledge

 

the satisfaction doesn’t last long      coz the more you have     the more you want     the more you want    the more you bleed out        it’s the best part of our nature     and I go along with nature     everything is about sex      except for sex     sex is about power     and we’re all into power      in a perfect world we could fuck without dominion      but sex is emotion in motion     and we carry our insecurities to the very end      the desire to fuck is insatiable    and it surpasses our morality      coz inside we’re just animals      and animals know no sin 

temptation

 

I’d live without regret, if the world would just leave me alone    I can’t tell what’s right, when all I want seems wrong     coz nothing damns us like the things we love   it’s the knowing that tempts us    it’s our pornographic mindset    that continually turns us on    there’s a charm in the forbidden      that makes it so delicious    that we are forced to concoct excuses      for doing what we want     when we could just yield to temptation     while we still have the chance

killer cosmonaut

 

I’m totally spaced out       blitzed out of existence     so catastrophically high      I cannot see the ground     they dropped the fucking bomb on me      and hit me where it hurts       hell flickered for a second        then the lights went out     now I’m locked out of the world      with nowhere else to go      my imminent re-entry      will have to be postponed      though I’m bitterly disappointed      I’ll still make it on my own        coz I’m the killer cosmonaut      I’m not afraid to be alone

27 April 2025

bark like a gun

 

defend yourself      but don’t be cruel      fear breeds violence       and violence bleaches the soul     so I’ll fear for nothing      when there’s nothing to defend      coz I’ve walked on poisoned ground       and trod on many toes      in my efforts to break even      but I surrender now       to the entropic universe      and the power that rules my fate

don’t get me wrong      this life is beautiful           but it don’t fight fair     some say it’s heavy handed      but I don’t seem to mind        I’m not afraid     I know I’ll play my part      I’ll take my filthy sheets       and wind them through the dark      where I’ve just began     to fulfil the obligations       of any natural man      to tread softly as a angel      and bark like a fucking gun

25 April 2025

the crown of creation

 

when I deep it    

really dig down into it     

I’m ever grateful

for the transformative power of pain    

coz I am not diminished by suffering    

I flourish in the face of adversity     

I carry the fire from the mountain 

I’m loaded with that energy

I am more than the sum of my parts

you can ask anyone       

I’m the crown of creation      

and the anthem of the sun    

23 April 2025

villain

 

every hero needs a villain       every villain thinks he’s a hero    conflict is the source of all drama      Tam would know about drama        he authored plenty       it took me an age to catch on      but he finally set me straight      he thought that I needed toughened up    he was teaching me how to hate      

a father’s love can crush a boy        or temper him in the fire     Tam is just a story now      the family bogeyman       I play the hero in the tales that I tell         stories of love and hate   not as some dialectic process     but a living contradiction       played out in a homemade hell

16 April 2025

beetles

 

hospital days are hushed and sterile      but the nights are mine alone        these sanitised corridors are bleached for deadly purpose       people come here to die     I’d bargain for salvation     …but who in hell with?     I was never born to make these deals      how do you bargain for your life?       I’ll be happy dodging between the locked wards       keeping a low profile        maybe they’ll forget about me       down in the basement      in the soul food abattoir       where the surgeons cut and paste appendages 

I‘m stalking the deathwatch beetles        that are gnawing on my bones     …the things we draw to ourselves       can be our undoing     I burn sixty coffin nails a day     cancerous nicotine stains my fingers     my world is sepia toned     spoiled milk  and   dead flowers      he who lives by the sword…     …but forget that now      I don’t want to think about that       coz I died there on the pillow      I died a thousand times       while a host of ravenous beetles      devoured me from inside