bauble

 in the spirit of the season    I wish you peace, love and understanding     I wish it for myself too      coz I always dragged the low end    until one day    I ran out of grievances       now I’m just another probationary human being      trying to do good     when I can afford it     and I can afford it     more often than not       but I’m unfit for a society      that’s unfit for me       I’ll always be a criminal   a heretic   a fool

I’ve been searching for something that has no name     so what was it I wanted?       I think that I’ve forgotten     there are words     and then there are words      but words alone won’t suffice       and I won’t be losing sleep      over secrets I keep from you     it’s evident that I think too much      you may think I’m high      but I’m just pretending     I emptied my mind into a bucket     and found this bauble fomenting there

zoochosis

I often drag the low end     as does anyone in bondage    but I’ll be exalted in heaven      when they read about me in the papers    so lend me your patience      coz right now I’m busy grinding out grievances     just another caged bird festering behind bars      a captive mistake in the world of injustice     

this cruel prison is an assault on my soul     a daily degradation of my higher being    I pace a cell full of creature comforts     where I waste and wither      day after day    I have to stifle the urge to attack my captors      and end my confinement       with a reckless dash for freedom     coz I have the ambition     to take everyone with me     and bring down the system      that keeps us all enslaved

kung fu

I can bear your scrutiny         if you can bear mine      after all, we’re cousins     and guilty of similar crimes     I lashed out in pain      what’s your modus vivendi?      were you driven by fear and greed?       coz you rolled right over me     but you did not hear me cry     isn’t it strange that you find me       just as you’d want me to be?        I had to love myself in self defence      because you wouldn’t do it for me       I crafted myself a shadow       to mirror my every move        you know it looks more like you than I      I mislaid it in the dark      what does that thought signify?

only the dead know peace

this could be a confession    anyway, it might as well be true      I heard this story     oh, what a story       and it fused into my mind       with the promise of unlimited potential      now I’m all ramped up    for the final oblivion    conflict seems predictable     depends how far you’ll go      in defence of your illusions       I don’t give a damn       I got jesus on my side       there’s a force in his story        that will not be denied       I’ll put it in a nutshell        there’s nothing left to fear     but people never listen   they’re still wielding sticks and stones      it’s enough to break your heart      but only the dead know peace      and I must live with that

killer

 everybody’s crazy for power     and power is all they need      me, I’ve got surplus energy    I got it coursing through my veins     I’m a mini hiroshima       I’m an improvised device     I’m going supernova    right in your fucking face     this a spontaneous detonation       I have become a killer      my love has turned to hate     I walk a murderous path      with violence in my hands      and anguish in my heart

live now pay later

 I’ve battened down my hatches      I’m now fully submerged        into my approximate cliché      am I drowning?     don’t tell me I’m drowning        is this hell?     please  tell me we’re not in hell     is this the niche that's carved me?      the petty bourgeois hero     of countless banal fantasies     panhandling for change in the world of broken actors        

 the inner eye never lies        and I can read my chart       I was high on the great deception      but I never had a dime       my life just flushed before me         sixty years a loser     and always arse deep in debt    but I’ve been informed by my sponsor    of a happy ever after    coz there ain’t no paupers in heaven       and there ain’t no tally men either       seems  like folk in heaven     are having a hell of a time

cockroaches

this is cockroach  weather      the season of decay      I’m staying indoors – less cosmic radiation       it’s the rays that wear you down in the end       ultraviolent    radioactivity     desiccates the flesh     and leaves the husk behind     but my body is a temple    secluded and derelict         hidden in the shade

I read somewhere that life came to this planet on comets      I wonder how it will leave      they say that when we have finally fucked this world up all that will be left are cockroaches        maybe that’s all we do that’s of any significance         we feed the fucking cockroaches       the true masters of planet earth

you can’t kill them with pesticides or atom bombs     there’s evolutionary excellence for you – to eat shit and never die    unless someone flips you on your back      the cockroach god is waiting for accidents like that      I saw this movie once where cockroaches learned to impersonate people     it turned out to be true     there are billions of cockroach people     who look like me and you

thermodynamics

 oh man   this is too easy    thermodynamics    natural flight     I’m just a snow flake     in a snow drift    just breezing along    at the speed of light    that’s me     skyjacking    eight miles high and climbing    there’s good news     spreading through my body     good news     unfolding in my mind    I’m turned on to something fantastic    but how long can I soar     before I must crash and burn?

the beautiful life

 sometimes it takes an age       for the penny to finally drop     it seems I was the last to know      that I carry the weather in my head        and can only make hay       when the sun shines        this life is short        and that's a fact       there will be pain     you can count on that       I got the call up        to become a believer       but their words are just moonshine     for the gullible and feeble     I could appoint a personal saviour       or simply save myself     and do the world a favour      I might become a human being        or go on toiling as a beast       without ever seeing      that the beautiful life     is the only life worth living

 

valediction

 I fashioned this cruel distemper        from accursed fleshy instruments     and dark intentions        I bit the hand that bled me        and poisoned the well behind me       it’s too late to throw a blanket on my grave          I’m frozen root and thorn        a few will sing my praises        many more will mark my passing             with revelry and scorn

I was the author of misfortune           I was callous and unkind         I was a drunkard and a lecher        a bloody handed sinner         who left no stone untroubled       in the pursuit of a good time         I’m a criminal by nature        and now I have been caught         so commend me to the cold dark earth        without a second thought

13

the thirteenth unlucky apostle     was the bastard son     of a bastard son     and when the lights went out      he was nowhere to be found      no-one knows his name      but I’ve seen his face     I have his number     he’s a little less than holy       but more profound than some      he called himself a drinking man     and there was a certain kudos in that        among the poor and the derelict       and why not?      what else is there to do    here in the city of pain?      he was hard boiled and numb      his patter was filled with blood       but he sometimes pissed the bed     and he reeked of booze and fear     when asked about his friends      he could not recall their names       I think perhaps he lied     he may have been ashamed 

psychiatry

 they altered my prescription          to keep pace with the times       they want to pin me down       to sanitize my mind      but I can't get with that       I'd rather be considered crazy      than join the living dead       who serve their damned machinery            they've devised an inquisition        to cure me of insanity        they say that chemical infusions      will bring me to reality     but  they just want to steal my high       and send me to work in a factory

 

crazy love

 so much for easy lovers      who will not heed the call      who measure out necessities       because they’re afraid to fall      I have loved  as others    yes   but I had crazy love     even when it seemed futile      I had the crazy love     and in the face of hate      I dished out crazy love      when I had the hard edge on       and my words were sharp as knives       I did not ration my feelings      I killed for crazy love     

aesop

kudos big man     you’ve got it all sown shut    no cunt’s doin’ what you’re doin’    I don’t know what you’re selling   but it’s the dog’s bollocks    cannot get enough    you should publish brother     you’ll make a fucking mint…   another punter gets a free dose   and says he liked it   but I’ll never see him again     I don’t really mind    but it’s paying customers I need     before I’m weaving shadows      and I’m moth-eaten    wafer thin

I got papers going back decades    they’re worth something to me     but they won’t pay the rent     I know stories that pay off     with a kick in the knackers      I stitched them all together     on endless reams of pulp     I’ll read you one now      for a small consideration     simply grease my pocket   I’ll pour moonshine in your ear     it won’t taste all that sweet    but I promise you won’t care

individuals

 there’s no rest for the wicked        I should know         I get no rest         even in my sleep      I sing the watered down blues       old men’s songs       idiot verse for the hard of thinking        god has blessed the common people       they got nothing but pipe dreams and empties        but they shall inherit the earth       it’s a bovine compact        strictly for the herd       that’s an evolutionary advance over the individual           the individual don’t stand a chance        I should know       I got bread but no butter        I’m a rare commodity        like dragon’s teeth          no-one has ever seen any        but we’ve all seen the movies      where everyone’s an individual      hero of some dime store melodrama airing on daytime television       along with our life insurance options and burial plans    coz in the midst of life there is death       and in the midst of death there are tears          old men sing the watered down blues        and the herd fashion icons from their dust

 

something shines eternal

 is love a universal energy?    is it love that keeps us human?     some people know no love      they are human nonetheless      allegedly cast in the image of a long-dead god      a persistent schizophrenic       who pits us against ourselves     everybody’s been found wanting in his theatre of distraction    I know what I lack     and I don’t give a damn     

living on planet earth      in this 21^st century     has been a real kick in the teeth      I was all set up      for the socio-technical revolution       I was prepared to be blinded by science      but all I got was fake news     conspiracy theories     and the new fascist state    the world seems darker now    but something shines eternal      and it can’t be found in scriptures     folklore    or even those stars above     something shines eternal     and some have called it love

jailbird

I was hoping for a reprieve    it’s been a long time coming     but I since worked out     some new fundamentals     there is only one direction     and that direction is out     I’m a prisoner here        but do I work in a vacuum?     no, I’m just a thief with a library card      and if I didn’t do this     I’d do something reckless     I have a criminal heart      and  a liars disposition      so, there you have it      the story within the story     I’m an accomplice to deception      they might never let me go 

pudding

 heaven is now       you can’t get it no place else    safe in her welcoming arms          I could be reborn     or at least reformed     but I went a bit crazy      with my affectations    she thought it meant love      but it was just hunger    explicitly matured women      seduce your senses     with the promise of pudding    

I’ve been here before     rainy day lovers repent over the laundry       their amorous fiascos      with shell shocked soldiers      and other romantic heroes       are merely pornographic details     guilty recollections    of temporary diversions     inconsequential in dimension      free and for gratis    if given the choice

home

 home is where your head’s at     and my head’s at home    I ain’t stashing empty bottles      behind no shotgun shack     I’m organised for life    here in the digital world      I changed the lock on my door      and threw away the key    I’m walking that line      fingers crossed behind my back     

it’s fuel for life    totally automatic      sustenance by numbers        maybe it’s the environment       that best suits my clothing       or perhaps the process of osmosis       has slowly filtered out my ambition      but I’ve seen the world outside     and now I’m staying in

haunted

 lifeless old notions      and long dead ideas      dog my steps     I cannot shake them off     I drag out those sad old fossils      to salt my wounds on lonely nights      I believe in magic because I’m a child     but I believe in ghosts because I’m aged      ghosts are our unfinished business     we haunt ourselves        always and everywhere      with the spectres of things that happened      and the spectres of things that didn’t      even dreams are wraiths that pursue us in our sleep      in the night my ghosts have voices     they tell me I’m a ghost too       that I carry ghosts within me      I am empty of everything     save my ghosts       my head is a haunted house      and ghosts my hollow companions

dust

 my words are carried to you     through electrical transcription     I type them out downtown      you hear them in your mind      I think I lost my mojo       to another cinnamon girl      do elephants keep diaries?     coz I remember every sorry kiss       how quickly we fade out       how slowly we ride on        the threshold of my mind      is bitter sweet with memories         baby. comfort me     coz I’m sorry now      sorry for all my lies       I went wrong       but in my own right      I simply wouldn’t follow       it’s the story of my life

minefields

 are you up too early?    or down too late?    did someone steal your dreams?    or did you give them away?    maybe that’s a question    for some other time     coz I’m the bastard son     of a bastard son      just another lazy sod      with magic in his pants     and I’d love to stir your pot      in the horizontal dance     

there’s been a revolution     though no-one fired a shot     our brave new monsters     are conscientiously amoral     totally natural     adjusted to the vicissitudes of love      and the demands of iconoclast

does it burn?      does it itch?    don’t get your knickers in a twist     stop  your sobbing     dry your eyes     I didn’t break your heart     I only bent your mind    it’s not your first disappointment    and likely won’t be your last    modern romance is a minefield     and that just cracks me up    

screaming

I see my own private babylon      sinking with the sun    everything is fucked     I’ve got to let it go     I’m just not cost effective      so they put me out to pasture       now there’s nowhere left to hide     everywhere stinks of shit     it’s the tyranny of conformity      at least, that’s what I think       but who taught me how to think?       the devil makes work for idle minds     I ought to learn to sing        fill my throat with love     I could act like I never knew     but we both know       it’s not enough       unexpressed thoughts?      I’m having one now        can I be blunt?       I’m in mourning      all my dreams have died     I don’t know what else to say       it’s hard to think straight     when you’re screaming   

bed

 seen from bombers      we all look pretty small     they tell me liberty’s a bust       and this world is a dangerous place    so I think I’ll stay in bed      I’ve been hollowed out      and I’m an unholy mess      but now    more than ever     I want to survive     but not at any cost      I’m still a human being      my love is not a burden to me       it’s the reason I go on       my politics are principled       my  heart knows no regrets        but the people here are fucked        yes, I might just stay in bed

bovine ergonomics

are we shaped by our peers?    do I even care?     yes, I suppose I do!   is that really you?       is this really me?      no absolutes necessary       but I really prefer my shape      as freely expressed     beyond  the constraints of society     down in the motion of the ocean     so deep and far away      

I don’t fear the depths      no,  I fear the shallows     that slender existence       measured out to the bovine      coz habit carves the unreflective into  inchoate    ignorant    tyrannical   monsters      that’s why I swim somewhere far upstream from the defecating herd      and their bullshit conventions     you could call me heretic       black sheep      blasphemer     that’s just the ruminant tribe       trying to pin me down

golgotha

 outside the city walls     in the place of the skull    heavy handed men       carve idols of their fears     and project them on to others    sister, take it from me      don’t get involved with them       they’ll be the death of you       it’s not hard to spot the monsters     coz we are all fucking monsters     so don’t think about jesus     he’s not thinking about you     you’d best circle the wagons     coz no help is coming      the legions of chaos approach    the road to golgotha is slick with their tears      

erased

I no longer participate     I only observe       I’m a changed man        since my last trip to the funny farm      did they tamper with my mind?    did they erase essential memories?     I wouldn’t know     would I?       if I’d been shot full of holes       by medic pistoleros     with their snake oil medications    and heavy metal therapy      I can’t say just how     but I tell you I’m changed      subtly diminished    I stand in the shadow    of my former illusions       who I am now     I just can’t recall     

punk

 in the pageantry of youth      I mixed my own colours     in iconoclastic fashion        and I’d be the boy to smash things up        but I was in it for the long con      softly softly catchee monkey        patience gains the day    I made busy doing nothing    or something close to nothing     of course if they catch you doing nothing      they pack you off to the job centre     for a heavy dose of conformity     I can’t complain      not out in the open     maybe if I’d been a bad boy…    but I was too lazy for a life of crime    I just wanted to lay in bed all day    exercising my autonomy      standing on my rights     subverting authority     withholding my labour from the babylon economy

outré noir

it’s ten seconds to midnight     on my doomsday clock    it’s time to kill     but not for kicks      it’s time to kill      to get things fixed      I was afraid   I had to hide     I crawled into a bottle      where something dark and lethal lurked     an ocean of bastard monsters    blossomed in my heart    see, that’s how darkness wins    it’s trapped in the core of our being      hidden but obvious

rage

I fucked up     there’s no denying it     I lost it for a moment       and I’m sorry now     did you ever get the rage?      do you ever harbour savage intentions?     I know what it’s like       when I get blood in my eyes     I won’t quit until I’ve made a complete cunt of myself       I have to get a handle     on my anger     that’s easy to say from where I live      in the kingdom of crazy

I’m not a bad man      but he had it coming      we all have it coming sometime     you know I was never in his gang      we were opposite poles     in the old neighbourhood     fear binds the herd      but I’m not of the herd     I’m on the fucking moon      here I rant    and rave   and rend       when you push the right buttons fear turns to rage      mister, I need a drink     I’m on fire      my blood is red hot     don’t come near the fallout zone    I’m full of violent potential      coming to the boil

 

psalm

we shall be as chaff     before the earth gives way    our tears shall run dry    before the oceans do    the world will still turn    without our pushing      life will go on as before    no great change    will mark our passing     the pain of the world    shall not end    with our departing      but shall go on long after      we have ceased caring

 

snuffed

they say the fear of death       stems from the fear of life      I don’t know about that     but the knowledge of death      gnaws at my heart       drugs don’t help       prayer don’t help     crying don’t help     nothing helps      nothing blunts the sharp edge of reality      somebody walked over my grave       it might have been me       there have been omens       deep in my gut     something bad is coming       something with no name

no-one knows just when the axe will fall       or what will follow     when I’m sacrificed to eternity      will flowers sprout from my rotting corpse?        will I be in them?     is that my immortality?     I want to die beautifully    gracefully      but I’m afraid     does it hurt to die?      will I go to hell?      or will I return in another guise?      it’s autumn now      the nights are drawing in     will this be the winter of my life?      will I see the sun again?