I’d been
rubbed out cancelled from
existence stretched beyond endurance and consigned to rot in hell but when I received my discharge papers on that
glorious sun drenched morning I was
released from an unforgiving nightmare I’d found victory pinioned to the cross I
returned to the beauty I have always known
I am clean I am redeemed I am love
you get born you go to school you get a job they
give you a number you become a player
in the adult word well, that’s what
they expect but I don’t want to be
a player in this crazy fucked up
world where the wealthy engineer
consensus to keep us in our place
they say you can’t buck the system that there is no other way you must labour all your life until one day you die your
reward is pending in the afterlife but I reclaimed my mind I’m
breaking all their rules I won’t obey
a system that treats us like bloody
fools
I was always
a blunt instrument but I’ve been
honed to perfection I couldn’t be
more me if I tried I know who I
am and I know what I like I
love the light because I’m alive but
I love the dark because I’m a thief
I’ve been
many things to many people but I’ve always been true to myself I’ve stolen from giants I’ve stolen from paupers I’ve stolen from every creature that walked or
crawled beneath the sun but I never robbed
anyone who didn’t ask for it
truthfully I was never one for deceptions I’m honest enough with myself it’s
true I may have fabricated some facts to
fit the situation I forged my own
credentials because I travelled incognito above and beyond the law
is your heart
a haunted house? do you stalk these
streets of shame? here you are - without
a friend your memories choke your
dreams are you really all
alone? have others judged you
harshly? do you know what you’ve done
wrong? can you name the crimes that
you committed to feed your twisted and selfish
love?
I hate to
kick a man when he’s down but I might
not get another chance you are the
victim of your own choices so, what
do you want to know? or what do you
want to hear? yes, you may have
gotten a raw deal but the sun will
come out tomorrow and you shall be
redeemed blessed through the eyes of love it might be less than you hoped
for but it’s more than you deserve
some things
cannot be gleaned from books some things are learned in blood anyway
the lights are going out now
and I’m pinioned to my cross sweet
mother of heaven hear me in my time
of need let me cast one last spell channel my pain into something beautiful
I’ve nursed
one disaster after another and there
are terrible confessions hidden behind my eyes coz I bent myself outta shape trying to satisfy the needs of
others now I require something for
myself don’t judge me I’m
not stoned I’m just tired fatigued by the extremities of being I
know I made a cunt of myself but I
didn’t mean to prick anyone else with this crown of thorns
collective
insanity that’s my diagnosis the whole world is crazy always has been the central delusion the illusion of difference tells us we’re better than everyone
else coz we at least are
innocent we at least are loved there’s no one else quite like us we’re so fucking special we
have the ear of god
I think about
her still and I grieve she was never truly mine but even lies are sacred to lovers me,
I'd never exiled anyone before they usually
perished in accidents of trust coz I
don’t believe in much but I still believe
in love everything happens for a
reason the truth will bear that
out I can’t see that she’s to blame though I played it like a chump
they say god has no religion
so, he does not pray
you see, faith is a killer
take that away and…
hell no, that’s not for me
I have a light burning inside
chalk it up to ignorance
or perhaps self-deception
but I’m not alone
while my candle is lit
going down it’s hard as hell
coming up …it’s
sudden vertigo
and you?
do you still have empathy?
lord, save our souls
we’re going down
into the ground
protect us from doubt
leave us numb
no room to maneuver
no food for thought
sleep will
not touch me now neither will I dream it’s not my conscience again it’s not what it might seem they say there are no bad men only bad situations and I’ve lived through situations maybe I brought them on myself tell me, what difference does it make? we suffer just the same from things we haven’t done everybody’s innocent according to their tales we are all just victims of circumstance wrestling ghostly shadows naked
and alone
they locked
me up for speaking my mind because truth is violence in their insane world I was drunk on freedom and the license it gave me but to think too deeply is to dig your own grave I was drunk on freedom but
I overreached now I’m the odd man
out in a party of strangers queer bedfellows both orphans and strays in this menagerie of singular outsiders I
found a voice to unlock their
secrets yes, I found a voice but it was not my own
same old same old here I am, back in the dock again I guess it’s too late now to plead insanity so what’s my excuse? I’m picking at old wounds might even tear me a few new ones but I can’t help myself some memories have sharp edges and weigh heavy on the heart there’s pain at the core of everything sometimes I can’t see it but it’s always there like
worms gnawing on my bones or lice crawling through my hair
…and I shall
fear no evil even in the fury of
the storm for I have a place yes, I have a place a place I call home nestled in my shoulder in a world of secrets where you could not touch me though you were a beast you could not touch me yes, you were the beast and I was alone
some random
woman a creature with no name called me a narcissist a narcissist? I should be so lucky what with my conscience not to feel for others but lord it up in some fantastic
story free of guilt free of shame yes, I should be so lucky to be so deluded to walk amongst the beasts to think and feel like they do to behave just like a killer to carry on like you
