secret songs

I was only singing a secret song    en sotto voce   so no-one else would hear     and try to sing along       do you dig it?        do you want to hear more?     come and dance for me    get out of bed    give me a turn    you move like a killer   but I’m not concerned         if you dance for me now       I’ll sing you some more       I’ve got songs      that have never been sung        if you dance for me now        I’ll let you hear one

the living and the dead

 we’ve all made mistakes        I know I have      nothing I can’t live with         but nonetheless regret      it doesn’t pay to linger        I try not to invest too much time        dwelling on the past        half my friends are dead        that’s how old I am          halfway dead        I should concern myself with the living      and waste no prayers on the dead        the  dead are beyond concern        which is more than I can say for myself

vagrant

 that’s my space over there      best pal       right out on the fucking ledge         a cracked bowl     in a beggars lap          diving for change        instead of pearls       specifically deselected         by unseen hands           and opted out       before I began        my days are short       but my nights are tall          and I’m too tired     to deal with it all  

I must have nodded off          at the wheel        coz I’ve come-to at an angle         forbidden by the cops          but I’m still sunny side up        you have to love it all       for surely there’s a plan       and in the kingdom come       we shall live to see         nobody pays no rent            and all the drinks are free 

3 am

 I need medicine      god’s own brand      just a taste      will ease the pressure     I’ve been breeding     tiny monsters     under my skin      too much dope      or far too little         for an accurate diagnosis        I need an exorcist         or rehabilitation       but I’ll settle for sleep       and a gentle touch      feed me words       with kind intentions       it’s 3 am        and I’m strung out       take a cab       meet me in the middle        we can weep together       till the sun comes up

blackout

 I got my shit together       just in case      my shit is required        but why should it be?      coz the hour grows late        and I grow tired      I’m a surplus being      no strings attached       all I recall      is the rudimentary      no cause for concern     we suspected this much        all along       it starts with a whimper          ends with a bang        you go on ahead         I’ll set my alarm         and wait for the blackout        and my moment of calm

zombies

 all the zombies come out at night       to shine like dismal stars      the spectacle of youth      with venom in its veins     there are children turning on tonight       who won’t see the light of day     they weigh their gear against their souls     to touch the face of god      in some minor cut rate heaven      reserved for whelps and strays       

the liquor of the poppy      as pure as mothers milk   is an instant panacea      for whatever spirits plague you     but it’s the death of inspiration       and the herald of despair     tonight the dead are dancing       to their funeral songs     it’s invitation only       a secretive affair     no-one sees their bacchanal     and no-one really cares

if I was a believer

the believers claimed the future       the forecast was dismal        expect heavy rain     and sleep deprivation        with long hours of darkness       to chasten your soul     my anonymous nights      no longer warrant names       they barely leave a ripple        on the surface of my mind      people are talking about armageddon       if that’s what rocks your boat      it’s no concern of mine      I’m not chained to that logic    or the prophesy behind   

if I was a believer      I’d pray along beside you     I’d drop you in the jordan      to wash away your sins     and open up your eyes     if I was a believer       I’d tell you not to worry      I’d tell you love is eternal       and no one who has seen the light         ever really dies     but I’m no believer      so don’t hold that against me       I only hit up god       when I’m feeling troubled         and everyone feels troubled sometimes

 

 

 

 

all that lingers on

 under branch and bough       buried in dead leaves     the corpse of summer rotting      beneath the mystery       the earth cries out your name     but you cannot hear     because you have long since gone       the waning sun casts no warmth        your winter coat is covered in frost        but you yourself moved on     beyond the sea of troubles          and all that lingers on       are the memories       and the songs

forever in eternity

 we were both so young       sleek   polished   urchins       who laughed and ran     carefree     and we were high     so high    higher than we ought to be       but we didn’t know  the way     not then      not now       not ever     

there were choking signs      flushed        and filled with vomit     you were drained of life       and the treasures         you were promised       I could do a number now     but that would be dishonest

a mother’s tears don’t dry       and they will not wash us clean      there is no end to pain       or the filth that we were born to      it makes no sense to say    that  I still feel the shame today    forever     in eternity

greed kills

 it’s a dog eat dog world      and that’s a fact     the big fish      eat the small fish    it simply works like that       the cost of living      is often dying      the price of freedom is slavery      in the new babylon      everyone you meet     is trying to screw you over     but they have little choice      they have to take their shot     coz those billionaire messiahs      stir a bloody pot

 

tomorrow

 we’ve all been up       we’ve all been down       this old life      is a merry go round        just try to remember     that it’s only a ride      it’s never too late to get high      so do a carpe diem      get up and dry your eyes      today will fade away      but tomorrow never dies    

tyrant

 there’s a tyrant in my heart        knee deep in atrocity        there’s a tyrant in 

my heart        bleeding out hysterically        the poison he spews forth       is 

petty   mean and selfish        he’s tearing me apart      but I’m under his 

bloody thumb

there’s a tyrant in my heart        who lashes out in anger      there’s a tyrant in my heart       who wields a vicious tongue     the abuse he dishes out       fills me with remorse        I could die of shame       when I think of what he’s done

there’s a tyrant in my heart      who severs my connections        there’s a tyrant in my heart        that wants me all alone       he whimpers in the dark      and rails against the light     yes   a tyrant rules my heart        and I’m not the only one

subterranean

 I’m in deep    too deep     subterranean        tunnelling in the dark       sifting shit for a living      if you can call it living      I’m inclined to think I’m beyond that       I was pronounced dead by the committee         and the committee ought to know    this could be my hell      or some other phony religious device      I’ve got to get out of this hole     before it becomes my nest     I’m loaded with dynamite         I just don’t have no matches       but one day I’ll explode      catalysed by friction        and I’ll see you all  again    in the kingdom yet to come

 

 

sucker

 I fell for the psycho-sexual intrigue      again        it was fucked up       but she said I was her man      who was I to disagree?       did you ever get the déjà vu?      the feeling that you met before?      I’m a sucker for that shit       I guess we’re all the same      my alarm bells were ringing    but I didn’t listen     I tried to tell myself       I was only in it for the ride       I’d take it as it comes        coz I’m that kind of guy      but I’m a sucker just the same         that cannot be denied

darker

 slowly turn the tides      to ebb and flow in darkness       what’s the spread today?      am I gonna make it?     coz I feel low      like I’m definitely sinking     there’s a pattern to my days      they grow darker     in procession      I’ve been blunted      and the sun barely reaches        into the hole I’m digging       it could be darker      that’s the way it’s heading       my progress is relentless       the darkness unforgiving

whispers

 we made a compact    right from the very start    we’d be secret lovers    with no strings attached       we were just two thieves      playing with stolen time      and what we shared together     remains buried in our hearts      but I sometimes speak your name       when there’s no one else around      I whisper that I love you       but hardly make a sound

friday's child

 I stared in the mirror     until I no longer recognised my face      but saw in my 

reflection       that friday’s child      is a trumpet of peace      and a sword of 

deliverance       from the forces of darkness

I laid me down      by the still waters    an oasis of life      in the motherless waste       the wisest of fools       will surrender their hearts      to the love universal

I’ve been turned out        with no brass in my pockets      but I count the stars as personal wealth       my home is heaven       this born again loser       who supped with the devil       and drank to his health        

pneuma

 

too many hyenas       not enough lions      no individuals left      in this menagerie     our tribal brothers    fuelled  on junk and weed      are waiting to cut us down to size    but I shall not be shamed   by another’s words or deeds        I am now consigned   to the power that rules my fate         there’s nothing left to fear       in the face of certain death

I am centred now      on myself alone       and on the accumulation

of personal power        I stand  as a singular entity     empty  and without form       I require no validation        I have no points to score     I sacrificed my pretentions          and freed up the space       between myself and the world     to polish my connection      to the man within

sometimes    in the moment    I forget to think about myself    and it feels good    to be that free     I’m tired of looking  in distorted mirrors    and preening my interior    with the kind of self perception     that flatters to deceive

I don’t want to escape     I simply want tuned in     I don’t know where I’m going     I do know where I’ve been   I no longer worry   over the inconsequential    and it’s all inconsequential    as far as I can see    and I can see quite far    on any given day

I do my own thing      it’s the only path that suits me     it’s the path that leads to freedom     no one showed me      I have no method     I have no teachers     it’s easier that way      I am inconspicuous   and self possessed      and that’s the form of freedom      that matters most to me  

 

bitter intentions

 there are some graves       you cannot fill       with drink     or drugs      or sacred vows        some things die           from no good cause        and our grief blossoms       with black and blue petals

we poisoned our prayers          with bitter intentions       and lived to reap       the spoils of conflict       our bloody wounds       are constant reminders         that the pain we deal out      will one day find us

hey dreamer!

 breakfast time       dawn streams      through your blistered eyes       somebody got lucky last night      but it wasn’t you        so pull up yer drawers      and dry your eyes    

don’t make yourself sick      you’ve done no harm today       well, nothing that will stick        so take a shower       roll a joint       get yer metal fixed

hey dreamer!        on yer toes       don’t space out       they’ll go through your pockets       leave you with hee haw        it’s a long walk home        when you’re empty      

you stole a little pleasure      your action was real slick       you had yourself a good time        god knows you felt no pain       but now it’s time  to scuttle home       before they make you pay   

 

magoo

 I think a black cat crossed my wires     and cast me the evil eye     it may have fucked with my mojo     but I don’t seem to mind     coz there’s turmoil in my pockets      and gear on every corner        I have time enough to burn        and the urge is something fierce 

 

all I need is a dab     to lubricate my illusion     and liberate my ego       I lost faith in my identity     and confidence in my face       I’m just a slab of ancient mutton     well  past my sell by date      I’m totally out of contention         and no longer play that game

 

 I‘ve become a jelly man    neck deep in heavy dope      author of a comfortable oblivion   myopically forgetful    empty headed   and exempt      rendered completely harmless       through drug induced psychosis        and I’m easy with that vibe        but only when I’m high

 

blackout

 I got my shit together       just in case      my shit is required        but why should it be?      coz the hour grows late        and I grow tired      I’m a surplus being      no strings attached       all I recall      is the rudimentary      no cause for concern     we suspected this much        all along       it starts with a whimper          ends with a bang        you go on ahead         I’ll set my alarm         and wait for the blackout        and my moment of calm

vesuvius

 I aint so good       at hiding my feelings       I sparkle and crackle          there’s a fissure in my mantle         I got blood in my eyes       poison on my tongue         I’m ready to pounce      on the unwary enemies       of my fragile peace         I medicate       I meditate     but to no avail       I laugh     I cry      I rant and rave       I try to keep things sunny side up        but nearly always fail

saint nick

 he knows my name        has that much hold over me         my over friendly beggar         my demon in rags       but when the bottle’s passed       I never wipe  the neck     that’s a sign of disrespect      and so the black wine        passes from his lips to mine        and his eyes are night       and his smile is daylight         and he has my undivided   fascination     I’m his puppet        to lead to heaven        to hell        and other places        you can’t find on maps

 and downtown in the killing fields       he makes my ghosts to dance        that old man reeks of corruption       I found him sleeping in fetid leaves            in the woods      in the damp dark season        when decay rules        and everything dies but death     I met him in the pub one night        ladling on the charisma          buying everyone pints        yeah   I know him well     he’s my mentor         my guru     my homeboy          but we were never friends