homo rejectus

 

I’m not gonna tell you porkies    I was only ever as good   as   circumstance demanded   my virtue was a thin veneer    which obscured my need   there’s shit I’ll do    and there’s shit I won’t   but I feel less inclined    to go that extra mile    no    not for strangers   not for no cunt    for out of sight   is out of mind

 

I used to put it about   back when I had the tackle   but now I’m invitation only  and three square daily    the world is full of fools   present company excepted   we’re all just waiting    for nothing specific    we’re just waiting    it’s the game we all play  

 

my angle of inversion is acute    I waste a lot of time    concocting excuses    and orchestrating cancellations    I guess that’s no big secret   but what they don’t know    is that I’m the evolutionary response   to collective neurosis   the final adaption    the end of the line

COVID blue

 

COVID 19 was the catalyst that painted us blue   if you weren’t crazy before you sure are now   when I look outside    I see nothing    when I look inside    I see less    I’m on emotional lockdown   all is blank   and suffocating   my happiness is long overdue     another bus that won’t be coming soon

schizophrenic pandemic aggression   may hold us in a confinement beyond physical arrest   some minds will corrode with the loss of personal liberty    others might grow morbid and lonely    but I banquet on my own thoughts    and sing like a caged bird

oh lordy   don’t cut me no slack   I’m making no applications   for beneficiary status     I require no validation    from abstract strangers   or fawning supplicants    lead me not to redemption    but deliver me from   the tender mercies   of holy rollers   and curtain twitching   superintendent   do gooders

I’m your regular egoist   who recognises the limitations   circumscribed by charity   and I know that   sometimes you have to cut a sucker loose   before he drags you down   these are the days of pestilence and woe   my kettle’s on the boil    and my cup is overflowing   with final demands and hate mail   but you won’t catch me    counting any beads   I’d rather risk insolvency   than go on bended knees

vox dei

 

I was certified ordinary at the lollipop factory    but an undetected defect seized me by the knackers     and I seen the god of babylon riding on his chariot    through the cooperative store    and I seen he had sharks eyes    cold and dead and joyless   and he was just a boy   a youth of eternal summer   but he made my blood run cold    I’d give that cunt a wide berth     but he’s the master of this world

sweet pilgrim you’d better beware    so many people around you are phonies    and you could be a phony too    and never know   there was a time you knelt in prayer   and the words were a comfort to you     now you suspect you were only talking to yourself    and that the god you built from old stories and wishful thought   has a veracious appetite     and he gorges on his makers day and night    that god is the fountain of all lies    and a parchment of your imagination

stop

one drop     two     three drops     four     feed me to the scum suckers     pour flash in my pan     rifle me     stifle me     blow me from the rafters     fuck me     in the brain stem     but     deliver me from arseholes     enthralled in semantic developments     I have no need for enemies     when my friends     will bite my tongue     that union of close affiliates     and worn out excuses     lit my funeral pyre     with a bluebell match     and a kerosene drum

always     mostly     arseholes flee     from any thought     that might rattle their cages      but my pen is    mightier than my sword      and made these pages mine     before they had names     when these words were thoughts    and vague recollections      my head was mince      I’d had a proper seeing to      later I crept home     half arsed incognito      having formed the opinion    that all is either lost     or found      while groping in the dark

once satiated     my dying manhood     glistened in the lamplight    what’s that the symbol of?    I howled with laughter    I’m a dirty old mongrel      why don’t I stop       cock stop     stop cock    why don’t you     just stop     stop     stop it     fasten the impulse     reject the necessary      stop     stop where sign says red     red means stop          stop means stop

soledad

I have an itch   I need to scratch    but it’s beyond my reach    it’s on the inside   where the piranha shoal    and old wounds fester    in the inky black    it’s dark outside    but it’s darker in     the night claws it’s way     into my room    with tedious certainty    my lights are lit   and curtains drawn    my barricades   against it all

the weight of gloom    e x p a n d i n g    invades my skin    filling me with darkness   and  I’m small     and all alone    so very far from home     here at the edge of the world    there is silence  in my bones    this world provides no nourishment    for those who feel alone

is all life lonely   and lacking purpose   despite the masks that we all wear?   that prospect is appalling   loneliness is the most terrible poverty   sex has always been my consolation    when I can’t have love      but that’s no use now    because I’m all alone   and now there is a great big hole   where she used to be     and I have fallen in    and can’t climb out   

can you feel too much?   or feel in the wrong way?   is every man an island on a cruel and lonely sea?    loneliness is so human   and it scares the shit out of me   the way it burrows into you    leaves a mark on your soul   we can never outgrow loneliness   and no-one can fill that space   the best you can do    is do for yourself   fuck everybody else