catastrophic

 

I don’t think I’m dishonest      I only told one lie     though I told it many times    they tell me I was wicked       for doing as I liked    but everything is permissible       if  you’re prepared to pay the price

all things are basically cool      until of course they’re not      I sometimes had to detonate my nuclear device      the power that moves my heart      is pounding out new stars      my love is catastrophic     it could tear the world apart

everything I did      I did in the name of love     I would not go without      I was an emotional junkie whore     there was a gaping hole     at the centre of my soul     all my days I hungered      afraid to be alone     I wasn’t the only one     I had accomplices      but I’m the one they fingered     the one who took the blame

lunatic soul

 

I flashback on a doomed trajectory     having survived alone    in the kingdom of ghouls     my bad blood had caused a derangement     I thought I had died and gone to hell       I found myself in unfamiliar surroundings      harvesting dreams that tasted of tears     I was trapped in a hospital that felt like a prison     praying that someone would answer my prayers      I made it home but the margins were slender     I’m still in the thrall of that living nightmare     my mask has slipped to reveal my defects      I look like I'm healed    but I'm not really there

treatment

 

it was bad news all round     I’d been punished for my crimes      they put me in the hospital     to sanitize my mind    it felt like I’d been damned    condemned to a living hell      it altered my reality      though no one else could tell    it was a sorrowful dark experience     as ugly as it gets     I’m so I’m grateful for the treatment        but I haven’t recovered yet …

Pagliacci

 

I have played the clown     most of my adult life      my humour concealed my pain     though sometimes I would weep    when laughter let me down     I’ve been careful with my mask      it’s been no mask at all     I’ve been up     I’ve been down     my heart has done the rounds      but I learned through indiscretion      to never wear a frown     I’m not a clever man     but I do the best I can     I’m told god grants fools wisdom        when there’s no one else around

wonderful

 

the people I have known    the places I have been    I’d bring them all back tomorrow     to do it all again    I’d gorge myself on life     without the burden of shame     the sex     the drugs    the rock n roll      I’d grasp without restraint    because the first time was a trip    and it was wonderful      so given the opportunity     I’d relive it all once more    

deep and wide

 

see them circle?       they scent blood     people are like sharks       some more than others      those are the ravenous souls      always on the prowl       reflexive killers     without a trace of conscience        and just like fucking sharks     if they stop moving – they suffocate   

you need some gimmick    if you want to eat       four walls and a TV    to keep you off the street    you need a home      you need a wife      you need the things that make a life    but this can prove a burden      things can drag you down      other men have found this      some of them have drowned

perhaps the sharks feasted      on those forgotten heroes     but I’m not here for souvenirs     so I’ll kick on regardless     cold blooded killers     make unpredictable companions     the ocean here is deep and wide      its denizens are fearless     so I learned to dart and weave and dive     I glide just like a dolphin    that’s how I managed to remain alive      where better men have fallen

 

author, author

 

I don’t just do this for fun     I do it because I ran out of options     I know I don’t write that well       but I’m ready to bleed across your screen     or pull my knickers down     expose my arse to the world    I’m speaking metaphorically     of course      coz I’m taking a hit - that feels just like a kiss…    when I wrote that down    I felt a little high      I don’t know what you’d call that    and I don’t really care       there’s nothing written here        that can’t later be denied

I am the resurrection

 

I’d been rubbed out   cancelled from existence      stretched beyond endurance      and consigned to rot in hell      but when I received my discharge papers   on that glorious sun drenched morning     I was released from an unforgiving nightmare    I’d found victory   pinioned to the cross      I returned to the beauty I have always known     I am clean    I am redeemed      I am love

fools

 

you get born    you go to school     you get a job    they give you a number    you become a player in the adult word     well, that’s what they expect       but I don’t want to be a player       in this crazy fucked up world     where the wealthy engineer consensus     to keep us in our place   

they say you can’t  buck the system     that there is no other way      you must labour all your life     until one day you die     your reward is pending    in the afterlife    but I reclaimed my mind      I’m breaking all their rules    I won’t obey a system      that treats us like bloody fools

thief

 

I was always a blunt instrument     but I’ve been honed to perfection     I couldn’t be more me if I tried    I know who I am    and I know what I like    I love the light because I’m alive      but I love the dark  because I’m a thief      

I’ve been many things      to many people      but I’ve always been true to myself       I’ve stolen from giants      I’ve stolen from paupers      I’ve stolen from every creature that walked or crawled beneath the sun      but I never robbed anyone who didn’t ask for it    

truthfully  I was never one for deceptions       I’m honest enough with myself      it’s true I may have fabricated some facts  to fit the situation    I forged my own credentials    because I  travelled  incognito      above and beyond the law

 

through the eyes of love

 

is your heart a haunted house?    do you stalk these streets of shame?     here you are - without a friend       your memories choke your dreams       are you really all alone?     have others judged you harshly?     do you know what you’ve done wrong?       can you name the crimes that you committed to feed your twisted and selfish love?

I hate to kick a man when he’s down     but I might not get another chance       you are the victim of your own choices      so, what do you want to know?      or what do you want to hear?      yes, you may have gotten a raw deal      but the sun will come out tomorrow      and you shall be redeemed    blessed through  the eyes of love        it might be less than you hoped for       but it’s more than you deserve

crucified

 

some things cannot be gleaned from books       some things are learned in blood    anyway     the lights are going out now    and I’m pinioned to my cross     sweet mother of heaven       hear me in my time of need     let me cast one last spell     channel my pain into something beautiful       

I’ve nursed one disaster after another     and there are terrible confessions hidden behind my eyes      coz I bent myself outta shape      trying to satisfy the needs of others     now I require something for myself     don’t judge me    I’m not stoned     I’m just tired     fatigued by the extremities of being     I know I made a cunt of myself    but I didn’t mean to prick anyone  else   with this crown of thorns