Existential Crisis # 57i

this place

burns me out

with wearisome

repetition

its suburban cliché

weighs heavy

on my doldrums

and I’m drowning

in an ocean

of sundays

I’ve gone native

in the great nocturnal

I’m flying solo

from now on

I better bail out

before I’m found out

I have deviated

from the pattern

of the flock

those dopes

are sheparded

by wolves

they are helpless

and enthralled

their decline

commenced sooner

than anticipated

they had assumed

they’d be given

more time

.

Compact

give me comfort

bring me sustenance

for this is a grey world

and there are hunters

sharpened for murder

hungry for a piece of us

waiting at the door

I’ll trust you

just for the hell of it

you’ll trust me

because you’ve nothing

left to lose

when we first met

I sank to the quick of it

I knew there and then

I must have you

.

The Prince Of Fools

I’d like to fist your face and ram my heat into that gaping maw of yours. I’d soon stifle the spewing of verminous edicts that echo through that empty brain pan of yours. I want to grab each dirty matted syllable by its tail and stuff it back down your throat.

Your banality is a parody of thought. Yours are clown words with big grotesque fuck off feet that trip and stumble into my bleeding ears. Every time you open that repulsive mouth of yours I feel like I’m being held hostage by an amoeba. You drain my strength – you suck me dry like a bath full of leeches.

You gobble up useless information like an omnivorous vacuum cleaner, which is why your head is full of dust and shit. You can’t lay claim to thoughts, because all your thoughts are borrowed and overdue. You have a talent for engineering mountains into molehills and reducing the inspirational into the inconsequential.

I think your knowledge is a burden; it brings you no joy. Everything you’ve learned has only fuelled your delusions. You are the Napoleon of conceit, an emperor of denial. Every situation calls for anxious new equations – can you make a bid for the centre of attention? Will you play it safe on the central reservation? You get your jollies brow beating your victims with the ten cent words you borrowed from Readers Digest. You’re a passive – aggressive pick pocket with a treasure chest of petty triumphs.

You celebrate your skirmishes in the isolation of your fantastic dramatic reconstructions; you told them good – they sure know now. You are one in a million, a prince among paupers. You’ve turned egotism into an art form and all your vices into virtues. But your mind is crowded with recollections of cringing servile retreats in the face of forces cognizant of your minor league status.

Your house of cards folds its hand when your bluff is called. Those moments of embarrassment last an eternity in the dark hallways of your memory. It’s then, in the concealment of your empty bed, that the snagging doubts tug at your heels. They drag you down into the depths of the sullen certainty that you are merely a tin god, and a hollow man. You know then that you are not a winner – because you never ever ran.

Spiders

manky bastards     plied clever words     and ugly rumours     they were rather nifty     with the dishing of dirt     and spreading of filth     they told me things     that made me choke    

I had to cultivate      a little distance     from the unclean     they had worms     for tongues     and they traded     chinese whispers     for dubious reward    

there’s a kernel of truth     at the heart of every lie     but there’s no sense     hidden in confusion     and those who love      to spread bad news     one day reap the chaos       they themselves have sown

Fractured

pour me out of this wagon

I need my distillate of poison

I don’t care which brand

just pour it a yard deep

I’ll drink it and be damned

while the thirst is on me

I prefer to drink alone

there are issues to address

I’ll solve them glass by glass

from the comfort of my home

so sort me a fix that burns

I need that heavy stone

something to take me down

to somewhere I can hang my head

until morning comes around

.

Everybody Wants To Steal My High

they tried to pin me down

but I had the perfect alibi

they had a new prescription

they wanted me to try

they didn’t say as much

but they were after my high

they tried to box me in

with some misbegotten lie

woven with innuendo

and I knew the reason why

they said they were my friends

but they wanted to steal my high

they gave me words to drown in

words that were clever and sly

they were trying to sell me

some shit I could not buy

but I would keep my head

they would not take my high

.

Fantastic Tales

we were both

willing and able

with the usual caveats

in the conventional style

we hooked up

on the social network

where you first flashed

your rented smile

you told me

some orphan story

of routine betrayal

and stoic denial

you were the heroine

of every chapter

you told it so well

with no trace of guile

we were both fishing

for a little excitement

but I couldn’t commit

and you grew hostile

but I was enamoured

by your crooked geometry

and your fantastic tales

where fun for a while

.

The Universal

the spirit talks

she talks to me

I am part of her

she is part of me

she raises me up

to lay me down

for I am anointed

with the

fungaloid crown

we are lovers

in the great eternal

we are the children

of the universal

.

Ocean

I dreamed you were the ocean

and you called out my name

you said that if I joined you

we could end this worldly pain

I dreamed I was a sea shell

with the ocean trapped inside

and I called back to you

I’d swim out with the tide

I dreamed I was a dolphin

swimming in the sea

and I could feel your love

for you were part of me

I dreamed I was drowning

but didn’t seem to mind

for I was just dissolving

as you and I combined

.

Dope Chimps

I don’t feel inclined

to get too specific

with the various articles

but the general semantics

were thoroughly labelled

before distribution

mine read PSYCHIATRIC

but you don’t get to choose

your own labels

three dope chimps

were questioned at length

but they saw nothing

they heard nothing

and they said nothing

silence is the friend

who never squeals

you never tell a sucker

what is on your mind

I never cut cute

with established procedure

I always play by the numbers

chances are I’m right

you get more hee haw

in the long haul

if you’re deaf

and dumb

and blind

Stiff

dummy up weasel

and don’t tread on me

I’ve been shelling out

my ragged arsed blues

at your convenience

and now you’re pretending

that we’re all square

we both know you’re lying

and I’m claiming nothing

that was ever yours

when you wandered in

without the needful

I gave you my shirt

and a big bag of weed

but you are claiming

that you did for me

that’s not the way I see it

and I’m forced to conclude

you have a faulty memory

or a bad case of greed

there is something

to be learned

from every betrayal

and you taught me

the folly of generosity

there’s nothing here

for greedy arsed stiffs

who gobble up

the merchandise

and later plead poverty

I’m not disappointed

I expected nothing less

it’s in your nature

to bite the hand that fed

and it’s in my nature

to collect what I’m due

you don’t know it yet

but you’ll square me up

you’ll repay your debt

I’ll make sure that you do

.

Love Is Madness

I couldn’t explain our affair

in a month of bloody sundays

we made a splendid pair

and pledged forever always

but the nature of personal power

and the dynamics of intent

are written in the air

you have to be it to see it

to know that it’s unfair

that love is madness

and that love is unkind

that it brings us only sadness

when it renders us blind

.