killer cosmonaut

 

I’m totally spaced out       blitzed out of existence     so catastrophically high      I cannot see the ground     they dropped the fucking bomb on me      and hit me where it hurts       hell flickered for a second        then the lights went out     now I’m locked out of the world      with nowhere else to go      my imminent re-entry      will have to be postponed      though I’m bitterly disappointed      I’ll still make it on my own        coz I’m the killer cosmonaut      I’m not afraid to be alone

bark like a gun

 

defend yourself      but don’t be cruel      fear breeds violence       and violence bleaches the soul     so I’ll fear for nothing      when there’s nothing to defend      coz I’ve walked on poisoned ground       and trod on many toes      in my efforts to break even      but I surrender now       to the entropic universe      and the power that rules my fate

don’t get me wrong      this life is beautiful           but it don’t fight fair     some say it’s heavy handed      but I don’t seem to mind        I’m not afraid     I know I’ll play my part      I’ll take my filthy sheets       and wind them through the dark      where I’ve just began     to fulfil the obligations       of any natural man      to tread softly as a angel      and bark like a fucking gun

the crown of creation

 

when I deep it    

really dig down into it     

I’m ever grateful

for the transformative power of pain    

coz I am not diminished by suffering    

I flourish in the face of adversity     

I carry the fire from the mountain 

I’m loaded with that energy

I am more than the sum of my parts

you can ask anyone       

I’m the crown of creation      

and the anthem of the sun    

villain

 

every hero needs a villain       every villain thinks he’s a hero    conflict is the source of all drama      Tam would know about drama        he authored plenty       it took me an age to catch on      but he finally set me straight      he thought that I needed toughened up    he was teaching me how to hate      

a father’s love can crush a boy        or temper him in the fire     Tam is just a story now      the family bogeyman       I play the hero in the tales that I tell         stories of love and hate   not as some dialectic process     but a living contradiction       played out in a homemade hell

beetles

 

hospital days are hushed and sterile      but the nights are mine alone        these sanitised corridors are bleached for deadly purpose       people come here to die     I’d bargain for salvation     …but who in hell with?     I was never born to make these deals      how do you bargain for your life?       I’ll be happy dodging between the locked wards       keeping a low profile        maybe they’ll forget about me       down in the basement      in the soul food abattoir       where the surgeons cut and paste appendages 

I‘m stalking the deathwatch beetles        that are gnawing on my bones     …the things we draw to ourselves       can be our undoing     I burn sixty coffin nails a day     cancerous nicotine stains my fingers     my world is sepia toned     spoiled milk  and   dead flowers      he who lives by the sword…     …but forget that now      I don’t want to think about that       coz I died there on the pillow      I died a thousand times       while a host of ravenous beetles      devoured me from inside