Apples

after forty days     and forty nights    I got paroled     on my doctor’s advice      adam was waiting for me      eve was too     we scoffed our forbidden apples with relish      our moment of enlightenment    reeked of corruption      I learned to laugh    I learned to cry      I learned to live for the moment without inhibition

there were many things we never saw      but the moonstone hung in the soft blue       and we saw her face for sure      she was a howling moon      but your friends don’t care how you get your pleasure    they’re just glad you do     sometimes people make us human again       sometimes they just get in the way       

hunters and collectors   try to pin you down   pronounce you weirdo    loner   misanthrope     because people fear difference       and they let it be known       without grace or subtlety      they got me close range      point blank      tagged and bagged      I don’t belong and I never did      that’s something for a poor boy to weigh up      as he raids another orchard

I don’t like to romanticise my sickness     but all the great ones passed this way      reconciled to the difference machine       drunk on rotten apples     brave enough to dream     I dreamed I was dreaming and couldn’t wake up      now would be the time      to give myself a shake       before the wrong side of the bed conspires against me    

they tell me that there is nothing to lose  in the abandonment of self      but no man can give himself away     I heard that in a song      the red haired girl from babylon said I had no soul    I asked her    

what is a soul?

something you don’t have    she replied

poor boy had no dough     he paid his debts with one weighed ounce of solid soul       it was a good trade     or so it seemed      I don’t recall ever missing      something I’ve never seen

I often luxuriate in bouts of dread introspection     eve says I’m bound by my imagination    or lack of     she says if I don’t change I’ll spend my life wallowing in self pity      until the judas goat guns me down      but I’m too old to change       I’m set fast in a pattern      that descends to the abattoir