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16 October 2015

Apples

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Pablo was waiting for me and Mozart too. We scoffed our poisoned apples with relish. Our Snow White moment reeked of corruption. I learned to laugh – I learned to cry. I learned to live for the moment - without inhibition.
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There were many things we never saw, but the moonstone hung in the soft blue and we saw her for sure. She was a howling moon, but your friends don’t care how you go. Sometimes people make us human again.
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Sometimes people get in the way. You get refracted by them – each is a facet of a broken prism scattering you every which way. People pin you down – pronounce you weirdo, loner, misanthrope. People fear difference and they let it be known with graceless subtlety. They got me close range – point blank – tagged and bagged – I don’t belong and I never did. That’s something for the swinging bi–polar boy about town to weigh up as he ties his boot laces.
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I feel like I’m in a zoo.
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I don’t romanticise the pain in my head – all the dreamers passed this way – reconciled to the difference machine. I dreamed I was falling and never woke up... Now would be the time to change your mind – How sudden that change – from half shut knife into driller killer...
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You know that there is nothing and everything to lose in the abandonment of self. No man can give himself away. I heard it in a song... Blonde girl with raven’s eyes said I had no soul – I asked her, “What is a soul?”
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"Something you don’t have." she replied.
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Poor boy couldn’t pay his bills – had to sell his soul. He paid his debts with one weighed ounce of solid soul. She said I was ‘seasoned’ – what a thing to say to a man.
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I want to swim where dolphins swim. To be hooked up with that juice. The form reflected in my cool clear water is a man that’s activated. I’m as light as the breeze – innocent as a child. I wouldn’t leave a ripple if you dropped me in the ocean.
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I often pay homage to luxurious boredom. Pablo says I’m bound by my imagination, or lack of. He says if I don’t change I’ll spend my life wallowing in self pity until the Judas goat guns me down. 
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Not all hearts beat to the same rhythm. Some follow the cadence of a different drum. They are marching toward another Nirvana. I’m waiting for the new messiah to take this crown of thorns. I’m ready for the resurrection. So lead me away to the home I’ve never known and lay me down gently to be reborn.
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