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18 August 2025

Diablero

 

Ain’t it hard just to live? There’s no accounting for people or what passes for right and wrong. I’d been shooting my mouth off. I was up to no good with nowhere to turn but bad.  I’d deviated from the norm. I’d been scaring the neighbours. Somebody called the cops. Yeah, somebody called the cops.  But I know my rights.

“You have the right to obey. Compliance is mandatory. There is only one rule: obey all the rules.”

They held me on trumped-up charges of lewd behaviour and vagrancy.  They confiscated my shoelaces. They confiscated my humanity. They took me to a doctor who said,

“What’s wrong with his head is anybody’s guess. He needs to be disinfected. He’s channelling subversive vibrations.  We’d better lock him up; I think that’s for the best.”

They put me in the quiet room, where I’d plan for my escape. I’d tiptoe right out of there. I’ve learned to play their game.

I level up heavy again and again. But I don’t complain. That’s just my lot; it’s always been this way.  Mania is a gift from the cosmos. The truth don’t stop. It’s rolling on hard, like the driven rain. I have a face for every season. They can’t take that from me.

 

3 August 2025

remission

 


I’m flowering in heaven      though my roots are in hell      I’ve come into remission  from sorrow and regret       I no longer freak out at the slightest provocation    I’ve achieved harmony in heart and mind        it’s time to loosen up      create a new space for my peace    the world is big and full of woes      I could be cut down at any moment     but I’m free for now and that’s enough for me

2 August 2025

stigmatised

 

I have fought battles terrifying and beautiful        and I have been remade as a new man     but It’s not enough to get well        you’re expected to be penitent       for the crimes you committed when you were ill          coz there’s no sign of sickness on your skin       no, the monsters lurk deeper than that      they attack from the inside      the pain they inflict cannot be seen       it can only be felt    all that seems so far away now       as if it happened to someone else   but I don’t celebrate my victories          I hide my face in shame       there is no final victory      it can all happen again

I was not easy to help    but I was helped     for some my illness was seen a a failure       or even a betrayal       but my world was broken    and I reached out for a new one    no one would condemn a cancer  victim     saying ‘he brought it on himself’    but my friends diminished in number      those are the perverse mathematics of life       I don’t mind being ghosted       I live for myself     to hell with everyone else       I’ve forgiven those erstwhile friends        who could only see the surface of things      I don’t require validation     I made it on my own     I’m an individual now      a man of some renown

 

1 August 2025

wolves

 

we were a pack       and we made meat     but we had to be ruthless      with those who could not       we would dance in the sacred manner       horizontally     with the shades down       private individuals       living in a private world

I got the blame    when it all fell apart       and maybe I deserved it        paint me wicked      everyone does       it’s easier that way      there are too many pigments      in the other picture     I grieved for that cabal       of erstwhile friends and lovers       when they fell on me like wolves       to tear the world apart

28 July 2025

one foot in...

 

the years give

the years take

I’m docile now

polished smooth

I wouldn’t leave a ripple

if you dropped me in the ocean

I could be making waves

but I’m coasting from here on in

I’ve made my choices

what is a life

but a series of choices?

I live according to my nature

it’s too late now

for anything else

26 July 2025

pushing up daisies

 

becalmed once again     deep in the fucking doldrums       went to the doctor        he told me to lighten up     but that cunt’s a fool       this time I’m dying        slowly, by degrees       it’s the dead of liquid night      I’m adrift on the tides of memory        half in shadow, half in light      I sometimes hear your voice        can you still hear mine?

24 July 2025

my brand new friend

 

people can fuck you up

tell me if you’ve heard this one before

I didn’t know her face     but her moves were familiar    she said she needed to be loved      but she wasn’t ready to bleed for it       I understood that       I’d done my share of bleeding     I’ve drowned in my own tears

I don’t let that shit in my house        I tell no one what I’m feeling       coz feelings come and go        you can’t own love        no, love owns you     it’s a deal you can’t refuse      when you’re tired of being alone

this poor boy don’t believe in romance       but I’ll adhere to anything        that makes me feel real      life gives me all I need       and I don’t ask for much       I’m just looking for a friend      not a nursemaid       or  a crutch

16 July 2025

x ray words

 

I found some raw material      

on the back seat of the bus    

a thousand original recipes     

written from the heart      

I’ll smother them in gravy     

and pass them off as my own     

isn’t fiction just a kernel of truth hidden in a lie?    aren’t all writers prostitutes and thieves?      some words are designed to mislead      but other words have x ray powers    that penetrate the soul     

I  want to write in those words    

in crazy neon letters ten feet tall     

I know I’d get off on that      

let me tell you why     

I stood up  to this life      and I want to get that down on paper          one day I’ll find the words I’m looking for       and leave them on the bus     for some other sucker to find     it’ll be my message in a bottle     my little gift to posterity     much of it will be bullshit       but some of it will be me

 

14 July 2025

cogito, ergo sum


when I was young

I hurt my eyes

staring into the sun

for days after

the image of the sun

was fused into my mind…

I came out of nowhere      but that don’t mean a thing      when you’re twelve years old    I was always a book worm     because knowledge is power      while ignorance only forges shackles      every saturday morning I’d head to the library      always the library      the temple of knowledge     my sanctum sanctorum        the source of my power      where the blinding light of reason       flooded my busy retinas       and fed my hungry mind       I was sparked into being       in the cauldron of ideas       I learned to question everything        as everything questioned me      to think about my thinking     because that’s what I am       that’s what I understand

  

12 July 2025

mr nice

 

they tell me bad is back

but that’s not where I’m at

I just stepped outside

the sun spoke to me

she said ‘get high’

and I’m glad to comply

why don’t you step out too?

shed your aggravations

get yourself a new gimmick

it’s nice to be nice

and I like to feel nice, don’t you?

 

1 July 2025

Loser

 

I’ll salt my beer

with my own fucking tears

I tried everything twice

it always turned out bogus

why can’t I be forgiven?

who made me the enemy?

I don’t want to be on the outside

nose pressed against the window

so who wrote the rules

that made me the loser?

maybe we’re all fucking losers

did you ever think of that?

still, you’d rather lose a lover    

than love a fucking loser

don’t mind me

I’m not bitter

I’m not sweet either

I’ve been rolling snake eyes

since the game began

I can’t win for losing

it’s the story of my life

29 June 2025

totally fucked up

 I’m totally fucked up

it’s more than an excuse

it’s symptomatic

I’m totally fucked up

but I’m not alone.

the whole world is fucked up

as is everyone in it

we’ve all been damaged

beaten and abused

draw your own conclusions

everywhere you turn you lose

coz this old world plays rough

you know how people talk

people love to talk

of life and love and liberty

but the world has heard enough

the world don’t care who you are

or how big you dream

they’re gonna monetise you

they’re gonna monetise you

if they have to crush your soul