where’s my head at?

 

another nothing day       best get my prescription filled      every now and then I get the urge       to fall off the wagon           some will say I jumped         I’ll maintain I was  pushed       so don’t touch me  now      I don’t know where I’ve been      I’m just flirting with reality      living the fucking dream

where’s my head at?      do I even care?      maybe if I strangle every impulse     remain impossibly still     it’ll come to me     eventually     solid state delivery    meaning in the here and now       I could be the prototype of the brand new being     I could grow myself a soul  

luck

 

night after night     I’m barely scraping by      I’m just biding my time      treading water      till my ship comes in      I don’t want to change the world     I only want to change my life       children of fortune      lead blessed existences     they’ve never gone hungry      a day in their lives     me, I’m starving      for a glimmer of light       my cup’s half empty       so kindly top me up      I could do with an even break      I just need a little luck

carnival

 

there are no free rides        in this shit show    but it’s the only game in town      they promised us a carnival       but this life is an atrocity      it’s one filthy chore after another       you couldn’t sell tickets for this      it has to be meted out    blow by bloody blow

in low places

 

some things just are       the duality of nature      human nature     godly nature       all that is light and dark         love and hate       life and death       juxtaposed in fungal shades of rot and decay    the significance of all that escapes me now      something’s changed     I don’t know how      but I’m not the man I used to be

I’m crashing out here      so pick me up on your way down      I intend to get my money’s worth      though I don’t possess a dime      I’m only talking trash       coz I’ve had a few        I have high friends in low places       and I know where I am      I’m exactly nowhere      it’s difficult now     but I’ll make it somehow      though I’ll never taste innocence again

alcohol

 

I got the thirst something chronic      but that’s just the symptom       it’s not the disease      booze loves me       it loosens the bindings     that conceal my pain       it soothes my soul      while it numbs my brain        I’m reaching for oblivion      so let me breathe fire       I need to imbibe something impure      I need a drink     like I need a friend     yeah, I need a drink    like a hole in the head…

sickened

 

I’m trying to make sense of my pain       does that mean I’m crazy?     should I have turned the other cheek?        dare I demand recompense?     I was suddenly swiped by a bus    my barely human remains     slickened the street      my brain dashed on the pavement        leaking out my dreams

sick thoughts can devour a body     I’m crawling through shadows     I need a little sunlight     maybe I’ll take a walk      perhaps I’ll just rot here in my room     don’t take me to the hospital      I have friends there who won’t seek remedies       they got a bag with my name on it   

don’t mind me      I am just a fool       lost in the vacuum of the universe       mine is the madness of spirit     that leaps into the abyss       without a single care in the world       I fell and kept on falling     there’s no centre to my existence     I’m a leper      and an outcast      I may have lost my bearings      but I might be heading home

mythology

 

you got your story       and I have mine     people have their plans      one vile task after another       but don’t trust me      my pants are on fire       you may seek a meaning     I couldn’t possibly comment      I’m just happy to be here       alive and in the moment      truth means nothing to me     I’ve seen it all before    I got the slow burn rapture       I’m happy all the time      don’t get me wrong       my darkness serves a purpose      redemption through chaos      that there is the basis of my mythology

I remember

 

I loved the man       queer enough for you?      I don’t care what you think     my heart is an open book     I know what is written there      this is a song of love    for someone ever young     he was original    an individual      and I miss him now      perhaps more than ever     my love is a river      he was the ocean      the best of friends     my lover, my brother      he’ll shine on     forever in memory

Casanova

 

maybe I have a pornographic mindset     perhaps just a lonely heart      I am my own master     and I have tasted freedom      I’ve been told I was greedy       but how much is too much?      how much is too little?      I think I’ve had my share      some say that’s quite enough       but let me tell you      it can never be enough      things were different for me       you have to allow for that      I was doing my favourite thing     and paying dearly for the pleasure     for I embraced the world      and every sinner in it

somewhere in our dreams

 

only my dreams seem real     is that the dark magic?       or is it all in my mind?    I dreamed of you last night      you were no ghost      you were all flesh and blood     but you would not come with me        when morning called our names     you kissed my lips just once       and vanished when I awakened       come to me tonight      I’ll wait for you there     somewhere in our dreams      where the world can’t drag us down

seconds out...

 

all these fights are rigged       a man don’t stand a chance        he’s got to punch above his weight      from the very start     I was once pretty agile     but now I’m trading blows     the knockout punch was landed     and I don’t feel a thing       coz I’m numb from the neck up       and piteously exposed     one too many poundings      has left me on the ropes      I ought to throw in the towel      like so many suckers before me      but I’m in it for the fight      I don’t know what else to do

silence

 

I shut up shop       just for the holidays     when you’re  silent     everything speaks  to you       me, I move right in       I occupy that space     where silence reigns      silence nourishes      silence is the only sleep I need       yeah, I’m tuned to silence     that’s how my garden grows      out there in the distance      there is a frozen field      deep in the country of silence      I will wait for you there