I could turn
it around
(I have
before)
I could break
away
I’m ready
for more
so look at me
beautiful
and strange
just watch me
grow
my world
rearranged
I don’t
complain
but the sad
thing is
everywhere
I go
someone is putting me on
but I’ve got
news for you
I found
something new
I see light
at the end of the tunnel
and poor boy
coming through
I got pills that get me high and pills that lay me low I don’t know which is which I just take them as prescribed the doctors tell me when and I don’t ask them why it’s a psychiatric issue that will not be denied what can I say? I decided to stay and fight I can’t run away much as I’d like
there is a war going on
in my living room my lovers my
friends my enemies everyone
wants a piece of me I don’t say
no I just wait if they want it hard enough they’ll
come to my gate but if they don’t I won’t be surprised coz I’m hiding out behind enemy lines
the say it’s the end
for beautiful friends it gets
all ugly from here on in so stay in your homes and
lock all your doors don’t be distressed when no-one comes near it’s
the end of the world that much is
clear I stole these words from the radio it was the final bulletin at the end of the show
she said I wore my illness like a badge I just laughed she
didn’t know the difference between a medal and a badge my purple heart was won in the war that
has raged in my mind for most of my
life war does not ennoble men it turns them into dogs I left hell in my wake and
I bear the shame of that but I’m
winning that filthy war the glory is all mine so I’m
apt to reminisce from time to bloody
time
they shoot mad dogs, don’t they? I’m afraid they might shoot me I’m maniacally rabid depressive vicious, vain and cruel I’m the monster you need to balance your truth just blame it all on me my victims always do but no matter how far you go you won’t forget me I shoulder your guilt and your complicity I’m the beast you once loved the
only friend you had in whom you
placed your trust when you were
frightened of the dark
you’ve faced a lot of shit some of that came from me I could tell you that I’m sorry but what difference would it make? you’re not alone with your feelings it’s a communicable disease if you need a fine example you can always look to me
I got rabies in my soul and a monster to appease it might take a silver bullet to finally set me free
you had to ruin everything
kill the
magic stone dead
you have to
give things names
you had a
few for me
it’s too
late to fix things now
but I’m
sorry anyhow
you said it,
and it’s true
I’m just not
the man for you
they say the brave die only once but I die on a daily basis a thousand killer blows assault my memory I recall… …but I don’t care to dwell the past is a foreign country I no longer speak the lingo all that heat and fury generated little light and
yesterday’s dreams are darkened by
the shadow of remorse
I think I’ve exhausted my options so I’m resigned to the power that rules my
fate but I’m not complaining coz I’m reborn on a daily basis a thousand minor triumphs pepper my
wounded ego with compensatory prizes
I have lived a full life and
balance my shame against affections
shared without regret coz the
mystery of love outweighs the certainty
of death
home is where the hurt is it cannot be denied my abode feels hollow emptied out inside I know I should be grateful for everything I have but too much is never enough for me I can never be satisfied this malady of the soul is the power that spurs me on but it’s beyond my understanding and out with my control I wish I could be anywhere else and anyone else but me coz chronic dissatisfaction is a crippling disease
…and the sky god made the cosmos in less than seven days… well, you’ll believe what you want to
believe but I
ain’t buying any all
beliefs are bogus I’ve seen the harm
they do I don’t believe in
anything but my spirit knows the truth there
is wonder in the universe and there
is magic in our eyes but beliefs
will chain our minds beliefs will
render us blind so always follow the
evidence slaughter your sacred cows coz there is only one solid reality and its moment eternal is now
did you count my steps as I walked away? did you lock the door against my return? take me back now to my former being we can both cut loose and have some fun shed your light on our dime store mystery draw me a map of where I went wrong
they say I was born with the dark
charisma that I honed that sucker
into deadly charm I carved the wounds
that last forever it’s hard to
believe but I meant no harm I raise
my glass to former lovers and pray I’m fondly remembered by at least one
don’t let this world
bend you out
of shape
you are not
a hostage
nor fortune’s
fool
be satisfied
get better,
not bitter
make no
space in your heart
for slights
best forgotten
turn your
cheek
bury your
hatchet
every dawn
is a new world
and your
heart is virgin
one man’s mistake
is another’s
treasure
take mind to
have nothing
you’d care to
defend
if you look
for acrimony
you’re sure
to find it
like
attracts like
that’s the
law of intent
They had to lock me up.
For the sake of science they said. The iron in my blood had turned into
plutonium. I was transformed into an interdimensional being who traversed both space
and time. I had ludicrous possibilities – ever unfolding in the shimmering of
dreams. They put me in the psyche ward, because I was
high, way too fucking high. They didn’t
have the instruments with which to chart my design.
‘Do you know
where you are?’
‘I’m in a
hospital.’
‘Do you know
where?’
‘Yes, here.
I’m in this hospital.’
‘Do you
remember my name?’
‘Should I?’
‘No reason
really.’
‘Why am I
here?’
‘You have
plutonium in your blood.’
Cascade and eclipse.
Another sequence of nightmare realities. This place is a meat factory.
They are out to get me. I hear them calling
my name. This is a world of paid
assassins cynical and cold. Down in the basement secret mind swaps create brand
new fictions. My identity is fluid and slips between the angles of things too
strange to ever define.
‘Do you know
where you are?’
‘I’m in hospital’
‘Do you
remember my name?’
‘Why am I
here?’
‘You have
plutonium in your blood.’
‘When can I
go home?’
‘We have to
defuse you first…’
Here at ground zero, my near fatal exposure has annihilated
my options. So they locked me up. But, I’m no danger to anyone. I just need to
leave this place. I want to go home. ‘Do
you remember my name?’ No, I remember
nothing. Let me out of this cage. I don’t belong in here. I’m just a radioactive prisoner playing stone
age games of fear.
