section eight

I don’t make the rules    I don’t even follow them   perhaps that’s where I went wrong     no fucking discipline      some have called me crazy   but that’s open to debate   when they opened up my head   to take a peek inside    they found I was haunted by a demon of conscience   and was inked bloody with the stains  of unforgiveable depravities    you never know what secrets lurk   beneath the surface of a man’s alleged insanity    believe me when I tell you   everybody is crazy   but most just don’t realise it  

I slay the beast every morning   and every fucking night    but they don’t give me medals    they just give me pills    and send me on my way     it’s a wild and torrid wind that blows through my skull    and on any given day of wonder and of peril there will be a fearful storm    I’ve had a lifetime of bastard storms   and I demand a reprieve   and maybe stronger pills    from the very top shelf please   I have forsaken a peaceful mind   to make war with the beast  

thinking of the life I’ve led   the desolation I’ve endured   and the meagre mercy I’ve received   I feel weary   I feel heavy in my bones    when I brood on all of that    and the way I sought nourishment    with casual lovers and liquid fire  and then those sorry times  I was more beast than man    when the madness   the sheer fucking frenzy   fuelled by my boiling blood     raging with pathos and fury   would shame me to the core

 I am truly tired of the burden I must bear   I could weep    and sometimes do    when my heart simply cracks and my brain implodes     I am the most pathetic excuse for a man to ever shed his load   but the sickness which afflicts my life     does not define my soul    or rob me of my humanity    would you dismiss me as a crazy man?    don’t you ever feel the same?    have you never felt alone?