there ain’t no judas goat tethered to my psyche my doors are always barricaded against imposters and thieves coz I’ve been fucked before though most of my wounds are self
inflicted that war is over now I’m just trying to carve out a peace that don’t stink of defeat it’s
not a question of luck I’m already
consigned to the power that rules my fate
and it’s written in my stars
that I’ll be rolling snake eyes from now on
I learned to embrace my failings I had little choice my signature moves are suicidal but they are carved in stone habitual I’m just a foolish old man with a juvenile heart I made a compact with the devil I’d struggle all my days but they’d never be dull
I tried it once or twice
the measured banality of sacred vows and maximum fidelity but human bondage wasn’t for me I’m bone idle too lazy to play happy families no sour grapes though they fed me candy the taste still lingers bittersweet with a hint of almond
my shadow
lengthens as the nights draw in there’s
little warmth in the distant sun I’m carving names it’s tombstone season our days are numbered we know not how so, I wrote my own obituary I was generous to myself I gave all I had to give I took all I had to take my books are balanced and inky black post mortem analysis has revealed a life misbegotten in the pursuit of
pleasure I didn’t take life too seriously I took it for a ride
back in the bygone it was all lumpy gravy served hand to mouth but I rarely went without I fought bitterly for every morsel that fell from the big table what’s in a man’s blood that makes him so combative? I cultivated mostly clean thoughts in my mostly clean mind but I still dredged up the filth from time to time there were nameless troubles fomenting behind my back I had the fear on something chronic a man can’t live like that he can only slowly die I had to get a new gimmick or maybe a change of skin I have the power to do that I can always change my skin
I’m out of favour with the cognoscenti I strike too sombre a tone for the dawn chorus they say this bird only charms to deceive but old unhappy far off things tug at memory with icy hands I never truly sinned not in my heart I’m as good as the next man as good as I have to be I’m getting into my beast now coz it makes no difference to me what you think so don’t listen to my shite I’ll only poison your ears with rancid prolix and juvenile posturing but I’m just an old man with a young and selfish heart don’t get me wrong I wish you well god grant you goodness and plenty just not too much and not too close to me
I packed my metaphoricals
time to crash out this
is my last incarnation I turned indecent
shades of buddha and invalidated my warranty so they cancelled my subscription I wasn’t cut out for the worker’s paradise I don’t get mixed up in it coz I’m not sure it’s clean they say I’ve shit on the rules that
bind fathers and sons but I’m a
kindly ruin I’m archaeology don’t dig me up I want to be alone it was all in my head but long ago my missing constellations have long since turned to dust
day by day my vibrations grow thinner I best seal my books before an inspector steals my secrets man, I’m on the frayed edge it’s combat stress every weekend back from the pub a sorcerer full of secrets I can speak the old abracadabra do a little kiss and tell but I’ll bite my tongue on my long walk home I won’t mention you mum’s the word no one needs to know where our bodies are buried or who has lain with who there’s no need to worry I’m strictly confidential you can bank on my silence this isn’t my first caper and it won’t be my last people are at war with their inner dimensions and they ain’t taking prisoners this close to the front I know the pain of universal
conflict but I’m not afraid of circumstances can you smell that? our bridges are burning I’ll dance in their ashes when I’m good and drunk
I need christ how I need there’s never enough to fill my need I got the craving something chronic I’m not saying I’m sick but I’m more than interested this shit is the filth there’s always the flip side every silver lining wrapped in a shit storm I count my blessings but they have edges lacerating edges I’m a bloody mess from coming and going I plough a straight furrow but that’s just camouflage I like to blend with the static
I was reborn after the big sleep the deep sleep the sleep of dreams I was tired to the bone and sick of monsters and men are monsters who take up arms these are the days of the beast the beast tattoos our hearts with the dread apprehension and we live in fear and fear makes us monsters but there is no defence from the certainty of death only the promise of life eternal in the kingdom to come for hope springs eternal here in Bethlehem
what a palaver there’s no doubt she dished dirt the full kitchen sink like some tacky soap I said lend me your body I’ll wipe that smile off your face a little dark humour from a darker place you know who you’ll answer to back indoors you can’t beat that peach they bruise too sweet she was dancing with moon dogs she dances real good but her mind is gone still, any old tart in a storm
she was
looking for someone to submerge
herself in someone to redeem her
dreams but life shows little mercy I didn’t have the space and her motion made me sick we were shacked up less than a week before we sprang one that’s the trouble with submarines they are rarely observed and never experienced but I was in it for the kicks the rest is propaganda
it’s those lesser evils that keep us tuned to the straight and narrow we didn’t choose this life but it’s our bread and butter god knows we’re bona good for nothing good for a laugh good after bad so dummy up and shine on this I’m only saying this for your own benefit be a shame to stumble to stumble and fall on yer fat arse this late in the game shape you’re in shape I’m in shapes we’re in we do the best we can with what we’ve got wherever we are we do the best we can but we’re only as good as we have to be
it was a flicker of hell but that was enough to shrivel me knackers and sober me judge I’m laying one on I’m covering up this party’s over and I’m cutting up rough best find me some sugar to put in me cup coz I lived to tell but man, it was tough
all that’s within a man all that’s without him is just a mirror held up to the world the glitter the glamour the pain and misery the future and the past are merely fragmented reflections of the light the stars have cast seize the night seize the day each could be your last soon you’ll disappear like a shadow in the dark
