jack the lad

 some moments live with you       some moments linger on     like that first morning        our great false dawn       when I tipped head first into your coffee cup and dissolved    sweetly       later    looking back    we’d call it love at first sight       we had talked all night       I loved the sound of your voice       and mine       

but the mechanisms of disclosure       are often misleading       you played the angel of mercy        and I the prince of thieves       there were few flies on me        I was keen as a blade     I pulled a stroke now and then       coz I loved a spot of gravy        when there was gravy to be had       

from here to there       wasn’t so far         but from there to here      I spent some agonising hours           I bled out between your sheets      what’s that the symbol of?        a pattern of self denial?         or some form fatalistic love?        I was only seventeen        and I could touch the sky      but my hope and my despair        walked together       hand in glove 

time has dried our eyes       you moved on       and so did I      I’m a creature of habit        my life is an open book       you’ve read this one before        with the turning of each page       I gradually metamorphosed      into the ebb and flow

now I crack with the dawn       to bark with the crows     it’s an angular song      with no melody        but it sounds my name       and suits my clothes       I’ve been on the high serenity        since I busted the final taboo      I’ve lived long enough now to perfect my illusion      you could call me a modern man       but I have standards to uphold        

they say that we only see       just what we want to see         well    I’ve seen enough to know          and know enough to hold my peace        I opted for peace I didn’t like the power dynamic        that some people wanted to cut from my cliché      I’m a rarefied species         the once in a blood red moon            I’m the one who cheated life         through the needle and the spoon

 

zentacles

 

can I just say    I own this space?      I own this space      and the spaces between      the spaces between        that’s of little consequence        in the grand schemata        but it butters my scones just the same    

can I just tell you      I own this day?     I own this day         and the days between       the days between       not that it really affects       anything or anyone       beyond the scope      of my own dharma

can I just add        I own this name?      I own this name        and the other names       that I have been        stretching out into infinity        but that’s old news        of no interest to anyone       let alone me

love it all

 

they say the good outweighs the bad         I hope that’s so      because everywhere I look       I see horror and brutality     pathos and hopelessness        hatred and stupidity       but somehow        I see beauty in it all       I’ve witnessed the power of the human spirit            I have received the kindness of strangers        I have seen love triumph over despair        I sense something deeper         than the endless cycle of human miseries          and despite the blood        the tears        the anguish     and pain        I love it all just the same

the shit just hit the fan

 

jesus give this poor boy blanket      and a place to lay his head     coz the shit just hit the fan       and tomorrow we’ll all be dead        the world is on fire       everybody’s talking about the  third world war      I don’t want to die       I don’t even know what we’re fighting for     will we plant our flags in ashes?      are ashes worth dying for?      today it’s them     tomorrow it’ll be us    so enjoy what peace you can        we’re on the eve of armageddon      coz the shit just hit the fan

roll away easy

morning cracked on       I rolled away easy     a standing start     from an empty bed       more blues for breakfast       the whole caper is wearing thin    what was the catalyst      that soured the cream?        was it something she said?        she said plenty      she reckoned she was bona       and I was catfish       I didn’t want to be wanted      not in that way       but I wanted my cake       I’m just greedy I guess     she told the world I was hooked on buzz       she patented the bad news        and other adult fictions        I’d rather roll off empty      than wear those colours      I talked with my feet     and made for the door       I wished her luck in the future       but I doubt it took hold

latch key kids

 

latch key kids      we’d tasted freedom      the place to ourselves    for a couple of hours        we played  cat and mouse        beneath the bedclothes       the sun and rain        pelted the windows      it was a school day        we were both skivers        adam and eve       marooned at last      in a council flat

darkling

 

I’m in the fucking dark here       just  gasping for light       flip flopping on the shore        caught on my own hook        nothing stings like the barb of fear       because there’s fear        and then there’s the dread apprehension       all emotions radiate       from the core anxieties       I have shit festering in my can         that would sap your will to live         they lay in ambush       my denizens of the deep      there’s no respite       they never sleep

the last tyrant

 

don’t you just love being in control?      isn’t power the name of this game?         I shed a lot of friends       when I broke ranks with the stalinistas      they are out to get me still       with their psychic instruments       and ugly rumours       but I keep faith with my own principles        as befits someone of my temperament         and chemical impulse         I was vain         I was ruthless     I was cruel       all these charges are true         but I’m no judge      and neither are you

 

 I never swallowed the big lie       but I used it from time to time       when it suited me    and    conscience allowed       I reap as I sow        without complaint      I’m just one in a chain      that spirals off into infinity              the songs of my benefactors       echo in my mind     and I’m free to choose      just what I keep       and what I leave behind

mea culpa

 how far is too far?       how close is not far enough?      we left no stone unturned      in our pursuit of pleasure        but I touched you      right?     just as you touched me       didn’t we burn down the night?     and light up our days      with incendiary passion       brazen sinners      who made our beds in heaven      I have no regrets       do you?       if I erred on the side of foolishness       I did so by your grace      for your precious love

hear my voice on the recent collaboration with musician and producer Calum Marshall: ‘Dagger’.

stolen kisses

 stolen kisses       the knowledge of flesh        that’s what I like        I’m not going to bring you flowers        I bring you blood     I bring you fire       I bear the awful gifts you secretly desire

 and where do you go?          and what do you see?        when you could be running wild with me        and  with the passing of the seasons       when the months roll into years      there’d be a million different reasons           why I’m almost always yours

hear my voice on the recent collaboration with musician and producer Calum Marshall: ‘Dagger’.

jump

 

my soul aches         I’m tired       sick and tired      this life will be the end of me       I’m on my fucking knees  here       I made a call to jesus      but he wasn’t home        could be my fault         I’ve been dialling a lot of wrong numbers lately       I finally got the message          I’m in this all alone          I won’t call no more       but where’s a boy to turn?      my life is on fire      and I have just decided          that I’d rather jump than burn     

suicide help guide 

abracadabra

 

back in the beginning       when your words were absolute      you spoke my name       and I came to life      my love was formed on your lips      what kind of fiction does that make me?       copyright  notwithstanding            sometimes I’m stony real        others I’m a mere affectation        I’m not sure what that signifies        could be I’m not real at all        just a minor character         in some worn out old story       whispered in the darkness          in the end there was a murmur          when your words were obsolete

hear my voice: 'Dagger'