30 April 2014

Whore

Whore

she was on the bottom of the pile

she’d been dealt a losing hand

twenty two and HIV positive

all Angela had to trade was her sex

which she did with grim purpose

she hated the punters – she told me so

as she picked at her fingernails

eventually drawing blood

she wanted to infect them all

share and share alike she said

the hate in her ran deeper

than her worn out veins

the love in her

was the desperate kind

for her junkie boyfriend come pimp

who needed his regular fix

that money didn’t grow on trees

she had to hustle for him

she was his daily bread

his slice of a heaven

where

everybody paid their dues

where angels and harlots

were all the same

underneath the skin

they all needed the human touch

and everybody paid

in one coin or another

everybody needs

a bosom to lay their head on

and Angela had hers

in the man who

put her on the street

.

27 April 2014

Power

sad-woman_02

she said the right things

she wore the right clothes

took the right drugs

read the right books

and listened to the right music

but she wasn’t right for me

there was something about her

that made me feel uneasy

she was too eager to please

her every action was

designed to gratify my needs

you’d think I’d enjoy that

but you’d be wrong

I felt caged by her love

I had all the power

and it proved a burden

.

we had a friendship

that caught fire

it was a matter of time

before we got burned

the love we shared

had a gravity of its own

it began to drag us down

it had to end somewhere

and it ended badly

one rainy night

it simply dissolved

she said she hated me

I didn’t doubt that

she wore her love

like and open wound

it was bound to leave a scar

.

24 April 2014

Cul de sac

blinds_02

hard on the hips

the reflex action

that inspires

indifference

the meaningless

almost casual

sucker punch

that drags

on the genitalia

the passions spent

with the death

of imagination

the worn out

novelty

of the creative

act

of lovers retreating

behind drawn blinds

in their cul de sac

.

22 April 2014

Entombed

midnight

nothing doing

not a murmur

except for

my breathing

.

entombed

in the night

her big

black boots

show no mercy

.

they kick me

in my coffin

and trample on

my dreams

.

my smile died

some way off

before the wee

small hours

ran ragged

and left me

stranded

.

there’s something

terribly wrong

somewhere away

where near is far

and far was yesterday

.

Erectile Dysfunction

dark-walk

 

suddenly sick

and heavy

the room rotated

an even quarter

turn

upon every

heart beat

I was drunk

very drunk

I didn’t feel well

I felt bleached

and nauseous

I had no idea

where I was

but there was

a woman

there

that I was

never going

to fuck

because I was

just

too drunk

she knew

how to deal

with drunk

men who had

erectile

dysfunction

she threw me out

to stagger home

alone

.

21 April 2014

The New Pornography

Live-Girls

this harsh

machinery

that grinds

as it blinds

is the new

pornography

the word goes

round

a murmur

then a shout

live exotica

just inches

away

feed the membrane

stroke the cock

you can look

but cannot touch

a few grains of

pleasure

are eked out

in the dark

just enough

to fuel

the fantasy

just enough

to leave you

wanting more

did you come?

did you come baby?

a feast of loss

a basket of prayer

don’t leave me alone

don’t leave me out here

alone

.

Mania

shikami_r

I am well acquainted with

the lethargy born

of pitiless despair

depression

is a slow crushing death

that saps the will to create

on the flip side

I know the fluidity

of the unrepressed

and altogether

beautiful mindset

that the mercurial state

of mania can bring

it’s then I am an artist

I am my own art perfected

.

20 April 2014

Sixteen

sixteen

there were days

when we lived

as if we’d never

die

days we were

perfected

among the race

because our love

was the first love

to ever reach

those heights

we were sixteen

and did not know

that time was a thief

who’d steal our love

and leave us naught

but our memories

.

19 April 2014

Polarity

Lovers_01

it was a question

of sexual polarity

we had it, heavy

the chords of

attraction

were strong

with us

strong enough

to bind us

together

long after

we ceased

to love

strong enough

to blind us

to the inevitable

failure

of our

connection

.

Blossoms

blossoms

from time to time

a man needs to love

and to carry that love

in the dance of everything

when passion prospers

and blossoms come

in the spring of his lifetime

into his winter months

.

18 April 2014

6 AM

The-Bar-Is-Open

 

it’s 6 am

and before

I can plant my feet

on the floor

a tsunami of shit

crashes into my heart

I wish that I was dead

and that some better man

had taken my place

I bathe and shave

I follow the routine

but inside I’m dying

from an incurable disease

there are parasites in my head

that won’t leave me in peace

I’m headed for a downtown bar

to seek out some relief

.

17 April 2014

The Last Time

Last-Time

 

we fucked that night

but she wouldn’t

let me kiss her

you know it’s over

when they do that

.

each time

I tried to kiss her

she pushed me away

‘What did you expect?’

‘I didn’t expect this’

.

it was the naked truth

that came between us

it was a shock for us both

his name was Robert

he was her husband

.

that was the last time

when she knew

that I knew

it burst the bubble

for both of us

.

16 April 2014

Handful Of Nothing

open_hand

it’s the stony cold silence

the morning after

a beating

that fragile feeling

softly tremble

the queerness in the gut

when the ebbing tide reveals

the broken jaw

of the sacrificial lamb

it’s a garden untended

and filled with nettles

it’s a mouthful of ashes

and a handful of nothing

.

Missionaries

.
Mormon-book


It was a glorious summer’s day and I was pleasantly stoned. Two young missionaries from The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints knocked on my door. I must have been pretty high because instead of palming them off with the usual spiel about my being an atheist I let them in. It was a hot day so I served them some cold lemonade.

We discussed the bible and Jesus Christ. They told me about Joseph Smith and Brigham Young and they gave me a Book of Mormon, so I thanked them. We even prayed together – though I did so with a certain amount of mirth. I talked and talked about Christ, Buddha and Krishna – mostly I just talked until they could not wait to leave. They informed me that they must be making tracks. I looked doubtful and said:

“Are you sure?”

“Yes” they replied

“That acid I gave you ought to be kicking in about now.” I informed them.

The blood drained from their faces as they reeled from the shock. They unravelled from smug satisfaction into deep consternation before my eyes. I laughed and shook my head.

“I’m only kidding. I wouldn’t do that to you guys.”

They seemed unconvinced and left rapidly - still in a state of shock. To this day No Mormon missionaries have knocked on my door since. I see them coming down the street going door to door, but they skip past mine. I think I’m on that database of theirs as doomed – an instrument of Satan.
.

15 April 2014

Luck

dice-luck

I wished them well

I wished them luck

I wished them

all the good things in life

I was the picture of civility

the epitome of the new man

.

yes, I wished them luck

but in my heart I knew

I’d rather see her dead

than with another man

I wished me dead too

I couldn’t live without her

.

Strange Beasts

Strange_Beast

woke up from a bad dream

I dreamed

I lost her in a crowd

of facebook people

and then she was on a

boat sailing away from me

I waved, but I don’t think

she saw me

.

I was nauseous

when I awakened

the weather in my head

was inclement

strange beasts

lurked in my undergrowth

they menaced me

with hidden stories

tales I dare not tell

.

14 April 2014

The Hand That Pleased

The-hand-that-pleased
She touched a peaceful chord
In a discordant mind
The hand that pleased
Was delicate
but
beating in her breast
was a heart
of passion under poise
but I never understood
never fully understood
I wish I had paid more attention
They say she comes along
Once in a lifetime
I hope that’s not true
I hope she comes along again
.

Frantic

Bi-Polar_02

I’m a car crash

A train wreck

A fucking catastrophe

Waiting to happen

I’m an emergency call

In the early hours

I’m a suicide bomber

about to detonate

One of these days

I will explode

And my fragments

Will splatter bloody

The scared and lonely people

Of this shitty little town

.

13 April 2014

Bleak

Rain_02

some roads

should not

be travelled

.

they only

take me down

.

that familiar

sensation

is cold in coming

.

the weather

in my head

is bleak

.

and I am left

at the roadside

naked and alone

.

12 April 2014

Little White Lies

mouse

once I had two lovers

I know what you’re thinking

you’re either thinking lucky dog

or filthy rat

I think the latter is more accurate

I was definitely some form of rodent

nervous and fearful of discovery

scurrying through the dark

from house to house

and back again

.

both girls new about the other

but it was still an emotional minefield

so I used to lie to them

little white lies to smooth the way

little white lies to spare their feelings

I’d make up stories about my day

never mentioning one to the other

I’d tell stories about where I’d been

and what I’d done there

.

I had deceit down to a fine art

it got easier to lie as time went by

until it was second nature to me

that’s the thing about lies

they breed like rabbits

one lie begat another

until I was swimming in an ocean

of those little white lies

.

when I took all those lies

those little white lies

and put them all together

they made up one big black lie

my whole life had become a lie

it was hard to keep up with them

and they were discovered

one by one

in the end I lost both girls

because I was such a liar

and liars seldom prosper

.

Cooney

heroin

if you were

feeling kind

you could

call him

a character

a piece

of local colour

the not so kind

would call him

a thieving junkie

.

he bought oblivion

in tenner deals

that universal

panacea

that caresses

as it kills

.

Cooney

double dealt

he lied

he cheated

and he stole

but in the end

was generous

he gave away

his soul

.

11 April 2014

Blinded

Eye_01

no vision here

only blindness

loneliness casts

a dark shadow

over stranded lovers

who stare vacantly

into the night

seeing

but not seeing

bleeding

but not bleeding

their wounds carved

deeper than the soul

too deep to heal

in a single lifetime

blind to the living

dead to the world

they’ll find no love

outside their memory

they’ll find no peace

this side of heaven

.

10 April 2014

The Dark

Darkness

we are all dragged

into the darkness

to those cancerous tropics

where there is no power to prayer

and there is no mercy shown

the seven deadly sins accrue

from tiny scattered seeds

to blossom as capital vices

the memory slowly drags us down

a sickly and appalling harvest

awaits us on the threshing floor

where a hushed funeral pall

blankets us with the silence

of dark and hollow wings

.

Made Of Clay

Clay-God

We lived like strangers

But still we called it home

The blows we were dealt

Were delivered

With the loving touch

That only a father

Could measure out

Justification came

From a bottle

There was no remorse

There were no excuses

We had earned

A beating

It served us right

“I am God

In his house”

He used to say

But he was a false God

Made of clay

.

9 April 2014

Drowned

drowning

We went on a drive

Yvonne and I

Up through the highlands

To Loch Ericht

We picnicked there

Beside the water

.

She told me how

Her brother nearly

Drowned in that loch

And of the savage

Undertow that lurked

A hundred yards out

Where the shallow

Shelf ended

And the deep began

.

We fucked that day

Beside the Loch

A bus load of pensioners

Watched us from the road

We were embarrassed

When we spotted them

They seemed quite

Cheerful though

..

We later learned

That my friend Stuart

Had been skinny dipping

In the same Loch

The same night

With a bunch of friends

Loaded on booze and drugs

Stuart went out too far

And never made it back

Beware the undertow

It will drag you down

.

8 April 2014

Monsters

weeping

I am in my bed

And I know

She is in his

.

And I know

Neither of us

Are sleeping

.

There are monsters

In my bed

They lick

They suck

They kiss

They fuck

.

The monsters

In my bed

Give me no rest

.

The monsters

In my bed

Leave me weeping

.

Jealous

Vomit

it happens

when I see

them

together

.

and when

I don’t see them

together

.

I imagine them

together

.

they say

that new love

is sweeter

than the old

.

that old love

can be bitter

.

the dish I’m left

is far too sour

to savour

.

but I’ll eat

every morsel

of this

nauseating

feast

.

and

tomorrow

look for more

.

7 April 2014

Underground

Going-Underground

Quickly come, here now, always

Be mine alone and in the flesh

Too soon to tell

Of fractured dreams

That live as refugees

In the human heart

Once whole, not holy

Now under pressure

To slip, to slide, to perish

Leaving us with decay

.

Desire is ever in motion

Etching patterns of loss

Against our tender palates

We’re holding on

By the skin of our teeth

Skating on the surfaces

Of our conscience

Looking for loopholes

.

The clouded heart falters

For want of direction

As intuition fails

So suspicion will follow

And our secret loves

Head underground

In a worn out poetic fashion

.

Boondocks

Boondocks

Saturday night

In the boondocks

Nothing to do but

Drink and drugs

The corner boys

Are looking for a fight

The corner girls

Are looking for romance

Some will couple tonight

In secluded parked cars

Or in the graveyard

.

The next generation

Conceived in a haze

Of marijuana

And fortified wine

Will do just as

Their parents did

For there is nothing

To do on a Saturday night

In the boondocks

But booze and drugs

And the occasional fuck

.

6 April 2014

Shug

Granada

Shug was a wise guy

Always ready with a joke

And a wry comment

Everybody knew Shug

He was face

In the boondocks

A local hero

Shug had a junk habit

He sorted me out once

When my head was bad

I floated home an angel

On flimsy velvet wings

.

One day Shug came to me

To ask if he could

Take the hose

From an old vacuum cleaner

That I’d discarded

I said “sure – help yourself”

I didn’t ask why he wanted it

He was found the next day

Dead in his car

He’d used the hose

To pump in the exhaust fumes

That took his life

.

No-one knew why

He’d left no note

The car was parked

On his mothers drive

For several months

I used to pass it every day

I’d think about Shug

And how his mother

Must have felt

Looking at that morbid reminder

Day after day

.

Algebra

Algebra

The daily inquest has begun

Where did I go wrong?

Where the hell am I now?

I’m caught in the middle

Not only the middle

But all the way through

The morning weighed in

Like an anvil

The evening was heralded

By the unforgivable

Uncertainty of being

I have to resolve

Some complex algebraic

Equation

Just to fit into my skin

These are life

And death

Decisions

I’m avoiding here

I think the problem is

A lack of personal power

To regain myself

I have to let go

I have to let go

In order to hold on

.

5 April 2014

An Unoriginal Sin

Naked

Glossy black

Ivory night

Tiny gifts proffered

To the starry eyed

Woman child

Curious species

Of pink piglet

Tiny blue licks

On nymphet glands

Dimly depraved

Languorous reptile

Generous expanse

Erupting fluids

Coarse blankets

Semen stained

.

4 April 2014

Isolation

 

isolation

There’s little respite

From this Bi Polar shit

On the streets repulsive

I walk naked and alone

Everyone can see

My brittle fractures

And injured psyche

It’s written on my face

And etched into my soul

So I keep my head down

Avoiding eye contact

But there’s no hiding place

For the tenderest

Of our species

No safe haven

On the street

Or in the home

.

Visitor

Sleeping

 

She arrived at my door

Hysterically drunk

She brought a bottle

So I let her in

She said she fancied me

Then she keeled over

I was not too impressed

By this wonderful news

I put her to bed

And drained her bottle

I slept on the couch

I was less than amused

.

3 April 2014

FEAR

Rabid

I got the FEAR on baby

Of little opaque lies

And big fat truths

With razor sharp teeth

.

What will we be

If the blade should fall

And we gently bleed

Into common pools

Of love and hate

.

And the number

Of our fears

Outweighs

The quality

Of our

Existence

.

1 April 2014

Dummy Up (And Listen)

original_3wise

not my best day

thought provocateurs

sabotaged my peace

and poisoned my well

tried my hand at doctoring

but I lost my touch

the feeling’s gone

.

so I grit my teeth

and bear it

I don’t spill the beans

I’m no schoolboy

3 wise monkeys

sing from the same sheet

ask no questions

you’ll hear no lies

and no fatal truths

.

it’s best not to know

what you can’t swallow

ignorance is never bliss

at times like this

but I don’t get to thinking

it won’t do any good

thinking’s not my strong suit

so I dummy up

and listen

.

Frozen

Open_steel_02

When you work

On the open steel

They tell you

Don't look down

Never look down

Last night

I looked down

And realised how far

I had to fall

I froze

I'm still up there

Frozen to the spot

Staring at the ground

.

Casanova

Legs

I was

stripped

to the waist

working

In my grandmother’s

garden

there was a girl

sun bathing

next door

she was curvaceous

olive skinned

with dark brown eyes

and jet black hair

she was watching

I could tell

it took me a while

to work

up the gumption

to ask her out

she said

she was

‘sort of engaged’

unsuccessful

I departed

with a awkward shrug

and embarrassed smile

.

six months later

or thereabouts

I met her mother

at a party

and I fucked her

what does that say

about me?

an egomaniac?

a jaded lothario

with Casanova syndrome?

my shrink said

I had low self esteem

and I used women

to bolster

my fragile ego

all the time we spoke

I was eyeing up her legs

.