24 June 2013

Feel Free

Blotters_02
We ordered locusts, honeyed, from the promised land, but they were not on the menu. All we got was some tortured beast – already half dead – who threw us out into the street saying, “This is a respectable establishment – we serve tea!” 

We decided to have a drink, but it was Sunday cathedral quiet and all the pubs were closed. We noticed that everyone, everywhere, had been fucked in the face for no good reason. So we called the author to demand an explanation, we got no reply. He was probably on a book signing somewhere on Sinai. I demanded a lawyer – I know my rights – but the lawyers were all asleep, it being early on a Sunday morning. 

We gave each other medals instead, gold ones, as befitted our winner status. We were fast – faster than any car – any parked car that is. Slumped on a parked bench we pondered our next move while we had another smoke – it stunts the growth, but I was already ten feet tall and rising. I had a special lotion to prevent my errant growth cycle, but I had left it in the car and left the car somewhere where I could not find it. It’s always the last place you look – so we stopped looking, but it wasn’t there. 

Just then it hit us – where everybody was. They were in church – where we ought to be – as God fearing men. Sitting in God’s house with a thousand tabs of acid stuffed into my coat pockets I felt like every messianic hipster who’d taken the wrong turn on the road to salvation – ecstatic. When the minister said, “Let us pray” I gave my consent, “Feel free” I said, and we both fell out of our pew laughing.
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11 comments:

  1. Praveen Parasar24 June 2013 at 18:31

    Lost n rebellious... these words seems to be applied in continuation....

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    1. We were 17 or 18 and totally hedonistic - we had some serious fun - not that I'd encourage any one to follow suit... naturally.

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  2. O...M...G... I said to myself and laughed when I saw Felix. Memories came flashing back. I absolutely love the line "It's always the last place you look - so we stopped looking, but it wasn't there." This is excellent John!!

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    1. Thank you Ray - it was fun to write. I'm glad you enjoyed.

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  3. You got to love this brilliance. Extraordinary. With such cinematic quality.

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    1. Les & I circa 1979 - somewhere in Fife and eating acid like candy. The recollection does seem cinematic - cartoon like. Thank you Lolita for your kind comment. I'm glad you like it.

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  4. Bethany Wiseblood25 June 2013 at 13:57

    Being rebellious at it's best!

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    1. Thank you Bethany - you know at a certain point in your life people stop thinking of you as rebellious and start thinking of you as awkward.

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  5. Bethany Wiseblood25 June 2013 at 16:48

    I've been in awkward stage a for quite awhile now,they've given up on my growing out of being rebeliious,now I'm just weird + difficult,hehe!

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  6. Lol...I've been 'weird', 'awkward' and 'difficult' all my life. But then I think that's why we're all friends

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    1. I think all those appellations apply to me – and I’m proud of it. My square peg was rammed home into a round hole by a thousand ham fisted teachers. Consequently I only touched their world at the corners. Pain, fear, humiliation and sorrow were the only connections that I recognised – everything else was mine alone. They did me a great favour – though I did not know this at the time. I became an individual due in no small part to their efforts to make me conform.

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